There Is Nothing More Badass Than Being Who You Are

by Sallyhope on May 22, 2013

beingbadass

I decided to take my friend Srini up on a challenge. He’s helping promote a book called “Love With a Chance of Drowning” a memoir by Torre DeRoche. Which is a book about embarking on an adventure and overcoming tons of fears (both obvious and more subtle) in order to do so.

And since all these things are my favorite topics (love, adventure, overcoming obstacles, self-reflection) I decided to chime in with an account of my own fearful adventure.

At first, I wasn’t sure which adventure to choose. I’ve done lots of things that have terrified me to the point of ugly face crying, and almost calling it all off. In the past two years alone, I’ve moved completely out of my comfort zone in all senses of the words in every single area of my life.

Previous to that, I’ve gotten on stage and played music in front of near 20,000 people. I walked out on the guy I thought I was going to marry because I knew that I wasn’t being who I truly am, in that relationship. I’ve had tough conversations. Shot guns. Ridden motorcycles. Up and moved to another country without knowing anything about it. Driven a 34 foot RV across the country, twice, without ever having stepped foot in an RV previous to that. Hunted. I traveled alone in a van, with my dog, with just a map and no plan. I moved to the middle of Montana knowing only a few people there. I’ve gotten off major meds that a doctor mis-prescribed me with 10 years prior. I’ve visited the gravesite of my dad, after years of trying to forget. I decided to love someone who didn’t love me back. And on and on and on.

And although yes, these are all fearful adventures, I knew that choosing just one of them to write about wasn’t going to be the point.

I think that being in a state of a “fearful adventure” is not necessarily in the things we do or the adventures we choose, per se. But rather the fearful adventure is the decision to commit to the lifestyle. The decision to live a life in such a way that adventures (which are almost always riddled with fear and obstacles) can happen.

In thinking about this, I know that the most fearful adventure I’m on is the one I choose day after day to live my life in the way I want to. To not settle for less than best, most sparked, most fulfilling career and relationship, even in the face of struggle and fear and living in a society who tells me that I’m nothing if I don’t have a husband or kids by my age or have a “stable” job.

The fearful adventure I’m on is the CHOICE and commitment I have to make to myself over and over again to do things that are scary, despite the disapproval I get from others.

The decision, to ride my new motorcycle even when everyone around me tells me that I’m going to end up crippled or dead, or the choice to be who I am even when multiple guys (three THIS WEEK to be exact) tell me that I’m too intimidating to date. To choose a career that most people think is total bullshit and is the butt of jokes all over the place.  To choose to continue to love even when my heart has been broken. To be vulnerable in the face of crumbling. To be honest at the risk of being “that girl” who is needy or weak.

These are the things that make up my fearful adventure. It isn’t one thing. One isolated event, but rather it’s in the choosing. Everyday. To be who I am, and not apologize for it. To live my life in the way I want, regardless of if anyone else agrees with me.

It’s travel. Adventure. Love. Courage. Fear. Softness. Wind in my hair. Miles under my belt. Failing. Flailing. Falling. Getting back up. Crying. Laughing. Seeing new things. And looking inside my heart and realizing that I love what I see.

And from this place…the next fearful adventure I’m embarking on is the Wildheart Revolution. I have a vision where amazing, dynamic, smart, interesting, soft, loving, edgy people rule the planet. Where being who we are is celebrated. Where honesty and vulnerability are emotions that we’re proud of displaying. Where there is a place where we can all go to learn skills for life that actually help us navigate these crazy waters.

That is the Wildheart Revolution. I don’t know exactly what it is or how it’s going to look, but I just know I’m the leader of it. This terrifies me to no end…but it’s the most exciting thing on my mind.

Yes. I’m afraid. Yes. It’s all an adventure. And yes…it’s how I choose to live. It’s my fearful adventure. We all have the choice. What’s yours gonna be?

befree

P.s. If you enjoyed this post and you want to be a part of the Wildheart Revolution…make sure you sign up for my mailing list HERE.

Love with a Chance of Drowning – A Memoir by Torre DeRocheThis post is part of the My Fearful Adventure series, which is celebrating the launch of Torre DeRoche’s debut book Love with a Chance of Drowning, a true adventure story about one girl’s leap into the deep end of her fears.

“Wow, what a book. Exciting. Dramatic. Honest. Torre DeRoche is an author to follow.” Australian Associated Press

“… a story about conquering the fears that keep you from living your dreams.” Nomadicmatt.com

“In her debut, DeRoche has penned such a beautiful, thrilling story you’ll have to remind yourself it’s not fiction.” Courier Mail

Find out more…

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How To Get Rid Of Emotions You Hate Feeling (Part II)

by Sallyhope on May 17, 2013

So in last week’s post we talked about the importance of emotions. How, the only way to really get through them, is to feel them fully, to not resist them.

And often when I share this concept with friends, family, or clients, they’re all like “ok…yeahhhhh…I mean what do you mean, of course I feel my feelings or else I wouldn’t be so upset right now, right?”

Wrong.

The thing that actually happens is that tough emotions are tough (obvs). And they’re tough because they’re painful. They’re emotions that we don’t like feeling. Like that ache in our heart when the love of our life breaks up with us. Or the disappointment we feel in our gut when we don’t get the job of our dreams. Or the fear we have in looking towards the future and not being able to see how it is going to ever possibly work out the way we want it to.

And these tough emotions are so painful that we’ll do anything we possibly can to resist them. And we do this by distracting ourselves away from them, either by telling ourselves we’re stupid for feeling that way, or we’ll drink alcohol to numb it out, or we’ll seek attention from others in order to fill the void that these tough emotions are creating. We do pretty much anything, other than feel the feeling. And then when we wonder why the feeling comes back again. Why we have recurring feelings.

The answer is that it keeps having a hold on you because you’re never actually allowing yourself to feel it.

Emotions are like two year olds going “Mommy, mommmmmy, mom, MOM, MOMMMMMY.” Your reaction might be to ignore them because they’re annoying. But they are just trying to get our attention. And the more we ignore them the louder they get. All they want is to be acknowledged. And just like the two year old, once they are acknowledged, they go away. If you resist the two year old, the “Mommy’s” will just get louder and more destructive.

So…I get it. This is a funny concept. And completely counter intuitive to what you think you should do when you’re feeling a tough emotion. So I created a little guide for you to make it easy. It’s an acronym and I use it anytime I’m feeling really tough emotions that I don’t want to feel. So here it is:

Sally Hope’s Fancy Pants L.O.V.E. Technique, for when you feel like THIS

The most beautiful thing we can do

 

L – Let whatever feelings that are there FULLY be there. Really feel them and let them wash over you. Say: “I’m experiencing myself feel _______”

O- Observe. Observe where in your body your feel these feelings. Ask “where in my body do I feel this right now?” and “what does it feel like?” Keep feeling that feeling in your body.

If you truly feel it, and observe and feel it in the body, the emotion if likely to shift into…

V- Vulnerability. This is the next level emotion (closer to truth, hence the word vulnerability) underneath the one you started with. Ask “What’s here now?” And then go back to “L” by then letting that feeling be there.

There isn’t ALWAYS another feeling underneath the one you started with, so if not, just keep feeling the original one.

You’ll know you’re done with the exercise when you get to “E” which is

E- Ease. You’ll know you’re done with the exercise when you feel a sense of ease or calm. You might still feel the emotion, but it won’t have the same hold on you that it did before. That’s when you know you’re done. If you don’t get to ease, it’s likely there is still an emotion that you haven’t let yourself feel yet.

 

The point here is that pain is a part of being a human. We all experience it often. But even though we have pain, we don’t need to have suffering. By practicing this technique, you eliminate the suffering that is attached to our pain. Try it. I promise it’ll work if you really give it a go.

Let me know how it goes or if you have any questions in the comments below.

XO,

Sally

P.s. If you enjoyed this post and you want to be a part of the Wildheart Revolution…make sure you sign up for my mailing list HERE.

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How To Get Rid Of Emotions You Hate Feeling (Part I)

May 10, 2013

  Yesterday I got a sunburn. From lying on the grass for 15 minutes in between picking up a package at the post office, and taking a call with my next client for the day. It was the first time I had laid on grass since September and it was probably the first time I [...]

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6 Things You’ve Cried About In The Last Month And What To Do About It.

May 1, 2013

  Oh Wildheart. I cry too. And to me, this just means that I have the capacity to feel intense emotions…just like you. I’ve been thinking about you lately, and I have a suspicion that these are some things you’ve been upset about lately. One…if not all of them. 1) You want a, connected, sparked, [...]

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On How To Find Love.

April 29, 2013

  Awhile back my mom and I went stone carving at this woman’s property in a town near where I grew up. This woman holds private carving lessons. And by private carving lessons, I mean she lets us come to her house and pick out a rock among a bunch of junk, shows us how [...]

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The Best Road-Trip Lipstick Ever

April 9, 2013

I remember it like it was yesterday. The day that my friend Natalie and I left for our RV road trip. It was a warm and sunny July morning and anticipation was high. Anticipation. Exhilaration. Terror. Fear. But mostly excitement. We were about to embark on a trip with an unknown destination, in a 34-foot [...]

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Apparently I’m Dauntingly Positive and Optimistic. Know What I Say To That? Fuck Off.

March 28, 2013

Today I got some feedback. On my Facebook page. By a friend of mine who doesn’t have the same belief system I do. Through an exchange of words, back and forth, where neither of us would budge on our values or beliefs (rightfully and respectfully so), I got the one piece of feedback that had [...]

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It’s Spring. Time For New Beginnings.

March 21, 2013

  It was a warm Saturday afternoon and the road ahead of me seemed to go on forever. Highway 89, from White Sulfur Springs to Bozeman was as empty as can be. It was just one straight road, endless sky, and mountains surrounding me. And every once in awhile I’d see a pasture of cows [...]

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More WildHearting. And I’m Gonna Dip Your Feathers So Hard.

March 15, 2013

Well I’ve been a busy little bee up in Wildheart Headquarters. I’ve been meeting with my artist friends about Wildheart Visuals, I’ve been creating mood boards and I’ve been getting SO creative with art projects and music. I forgot how good it feels to create. In fact, I hadn’t realized that I had completely disconnected [...]

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Whitesnake. Getting My Ass Kicked In Derby. And Using My Own Ruler.

March 8, 2013

Right now I’m staring at a softball sized, black and blue lump on my right shin. Straight down the middle is a cut that is starting to scab over. Monday night was my second practice of full contact roller derby at which I got slammed into a wall, fell, got tripped, kicked in the shins, [...]

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