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Meet Sally Hope

Motorcycle-riding renegade life coach and leader of the Wildheart Revolution. Loves: Hot-pink lipstick, puns, guns, crosswords, two-steppin', and french manicures.

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Author Archives: Sally

“Why you gotta be so mean?”

 

Last night I was watching a live stream from a well known blogger. She’s smart. She’s gorgeous. She works hard. And she’s accomplished. Ever the fan of “makeover” stories where people show commitment and determination to get from “Undesirable Point A” to “Desirable Point B,” I was getting sucked into her story: depressed goth girl who cuts herself and has an eating disorder turned radical self-love pioneer who finds personal success, happiness, and loves her life. #awesome

My reactions were pretty typical in this setting, from “You go girl!” to “Well done for working hard!” to feeling inspired by her capacity to turn it all around, but as I was reading the live comments under the post, I noticed how mean they were. They criticized her accent, her outfit, saying that her words don’t even matter and as I was thinking about this, I said out loud…

“Why do people have to be so mean?”

And it was a legitimate question in my mind, as though I honestly didn’t know the answer.

But then it occurred to me that I DID know the answer.

And I knew it really well. Because that used to be me. In high school I used to be a “mean girl.” Critical, judgmental, and cruel. I’d make fun of people for anything and everything. I’d always point out the negative. My motto was “life sucks and then you die.” I manipulated and controlled situations and probably made people’s lives a living hell. All of this saddens me.

It’s strange how much I’ve forgotten this side of myself as almost 20 years have passed and my ultra sensitive, gentle self has come out from hiding, where she went 20 years ago when life got really dark, hard, confusing, painful and traumatic. And all I knew how to do was harden, avoid, distract and spew the sadness in my heart onto other people.

And so when I was thinking about this, I knew how to answer the question, “Why do people have to be so mean?”

People are mean because they are hurting.

They are critical and judgmental of themselves and so they will be judgmental and critical of you. They expect perfection from themselves so they expect perfection from you. They are unhappy. Or feel stuck. Or have emotions they don’t know how to handle and so they take it out on you and the world and make shitty comments on the internet for no good reason.

They do it because it makes them feel powerful and better than you because they don’t inherently feel valuable, worthy and good. They do it to feel like they have some kind of control in their lives or something to prove. They do it because they don’t realize the impact they’re having and they don’t think it’s a big deal. And they do it because deep down they don’t love themselves so they can’t love you. And instead, have to be mean. I know this because I WAS this.

I recently had a situation where I was reminded of this. I was feeling criticized and belittled and small. And it was really easy for me, in those moments, to feel bad about myself and go into a spiral of negative self talk. Feeling unworthy of love, but grasping for it like an addict trying to cover up the pain.

But then I remembered something important…that most of time, when people treat you badly, it isn’t about you. But rather it’s a reflection of something inside themselves they aren’t addressing.

Our behaviors come from somewhere. They aren’t arbitrary. And often they come from our past traumatic experiences and our own suffering and pain. It reminds me of a lyric from my old band that says, “I never met a madman who didn’t have a cause, and I never met a pervert who didn’t have a broken heart.” Check out the song right here:

But even given that the way people treat us comes from somewhere, and we can be empathetic, we also still have a choice. We can either let it keep happening, or we can stop it. We can engage it, or we can ignore it. We can internalize it, or we can remove ourselves from it.

We can stay in “Undesirable Point A,” or we can try to get to “Desirable Point B” by pointing all our decisions towards B. Like the well-known blogger from the live stream who made a choice that NO MORE was she going to live how she previously lived. Like I did by standing up for myself to say that I won’t tolerate that kind of treatment. And like so many other decisions (big and small) we make constantly that help us be where we want to be in life.

And choice is everything.

Whether you’re being the “mean girl” right now, or you’re the victim of cruelty, you have a choice to turn it all around.

It only takes one decision and a desire to be different.

If you’re currently the mean girl, ask yourself, “what am I feeling about myself and my life right now that could be contributing to this?”

If you’re currently the victim of cruelty, ask yourself, “In what ways can I love myself and stand up for myself right now?”

Today, I’m choosing to love myself and love others to the best of my ability. And to know in myself when I’m being cruel. And to be aware of when my own pain is being used to hurt others. How about you?

None of us are perfect, and we will make mistakes. Sometimes we’ll be mean and cruel and sometimes we’ll be loving and kind.

But the best thing we can do is see the places of darkness inside ourselves and strive to bring in more light.

And we can prevent our own light from being dampened by outside negative forces. And to me, that’s what it means to live wildheart.

As you know, discussion is my favorite part of this blog, so I’d love to hear from you.

In the comments below let me know:  

  1. Have you ever been on either side of this coin? Have you been the “mean girl/guy”? Have you been the victim of cruelty?
  2. What is one thing in your life right now you want to turn around?

And if you liked this article, please feel free to “like” and share it by hitting the share buttons at the top of this page. And if you want to be on the inside of Wildheart, being the first to know when new and exciting things happen (plus getting my free meditation about creating your ideal future) make sure you’re on the list.

XO

Sally

When you want to hide (but don’t do it…do this instead)

A couple weeks ago I *thought* I got pink eye. It turns out it was a stye, which I thought would be better, except of course that my stye turned into what looks like a giant whitehead zit/huge bee sting on my eyelid.

And from the way I’ve been acting and feeling about it, you’d think that I committed the most shameful sin.

Meaning…I’ve been more-than-embarrassed. And I’ve been wanting to hide myself behind sunglasses, or stay at home, or not see any of my friends, and definitely not meet the family of a very cute guy.

And as I’ve been dealing with this for the past couple weeks, I’ve been faced with something that I didn’t realize was really present for me…which is that I care A LOT about what other people think.

I’ve distilled it down to what my main concern is, which is…

“What will people think of me when they see this?”

I imagine that what they might think is that I’m gross. Or that I’m defected. Or that maybe this is just my eye and then they’ll feel bad for me to have to go through life with a giant whitehead on my eyeball. I imagine that they’ll be uncomfortable looking at me. Or not want to look at me at all. Or that they’ll make fun of me when I turn around. I imagine that they’ll think I’m contagious and not want to hug me.

And I imagine that I’ll feel invisible, less worthy, less attractive, and more of a burden. In general.

I didn’t expect these complex emotions to arise, simply from a silly little stye but they did. And it made me think so much about life in general. And perfectionism. And perhaps an epidemic that is just lying under the surface for us all, or right in front of our (stye-filled) eyes…

Which is that we all hold ourselves up to such an impossible standard, that we set up a system for ourselves where we’re never enough.

When we have something that we consider to be a “blemish” or “not acceptable” or something that someone might judge us about, we want to hide and avoid. And we feel less important, desirable, or worthy.

This has happened to me in other areas of my life, like when I’ve gained weight, felt depressed, felt confused in life, not been creating anything I deem as amazing, I don’t feel beautiful or attractive, I’m not in the “stage of life” I feel like I should be in compared to others, and a whole slew of other scenarios.

And in all these scenarios in the past or present, I want to hide what’s happening, not go out, and definitely not tell people.

They are all variations of hiding myself so that I don’t have to face what someone else might think of my situation, or what I, deep down think of myself.

Which simply, is that if I’m not perfect, or acting in a way I deem to be acceptable, I’m not worthy of being in the world or being loved. (not literally…don’t worry).

I’ve noticed my desire to hide a lot the last couple weeks. I haven’t wanted to deal with my assumptions about what someone else might think of my eye. So that I don’t make them uncomfortable by having to look at it. So I don’t put them in that awkward situation of having to deal with my imperfection. So I don’t have to feel like an outcast.

And in these moments I realized how much of a perfectionist I am, and the ridiculously high and impossible standard I hold myself up to. I mean…if I can’t even get a stye, which literally has nothing to do with me, without feeling like I’m worth less, then what does that mean for the rest of my life and what does that mean for all of our lives? What does that mean when I make a mistake? Or accidentally hurt someone I care about? Or make a wrong move? Or show the depth of my emotions and feel like maybe I revealed too much?

It means that none of it is acceptable and should be grounds for “hiding.” But what I’ve been noticing is that when you hide your stye (or any other life blemish) you also hide your light.

Because you can’t both hide and also shine.

And then I wondered how many things in all of our lives we do this with. How many times we shy away from something or someone because we don’t think we’re “ready” or “right” or “good enough.” How many times we don’t start dating or start businesses until we’ve lost weight or learned more. How many times we miss opportunities for connection, or for deepening our love and acceptance for ourselves simply because we’re embarrassed of who we are or what’s going on with us. How many times we turn down our “shine” because we decide to hide instead.

I think way more than I ever realized. And that makes me sad for us all.

It sounds really silly but this little stye has taught me a lot.

It has taught me to (at least try to):

  • Accept myself even when I’m not “perfect”
  • Show myself to people even when I don’t feel “perfect”
  • Have honest conversations about my insecurities with my loved ones (including a conversation where I pre-empted a hang with a friend I haven’t seen in years by saying “I just have to tell you, I have a big stye on my eye and I feel super self conscious about that! Just wanted to put it out there!”
  • Not worry so much about what other people think of me
  • Not hide myself

And even though it’s only been two weeks, I feel like it’s an experience we can all learn from. I imagine that you too have some metaphorical “styes.” That you too have some areas of yourself or your life that you feel embarrassed about or want to hide.

And if you do, I hope this acts as a reminder that no matter what is going on and where you’re at in your life, you are worthy of being loved and accepted.

And also…that the world needs your shine. The more real people we have in the world, the less we all feel so alone with our “imperfections.” And really…I want to be at THAT party. With you. And your stye and whatever else you have going on.

In my mind I just went to a virtual party where everyone shows up with a “Hi My Name Is…” sticker but instead it says “Hi, My Insecurity Today Is….”

And then I giggled thinking about what a conversation starter that would be. And how fun that would be to be honest and witness other people doing the same. And how much opportunity we’d have to connect. SOOOOO…if you want to play, in the comments below fill in the blank, “Hi, My Insecurity Today Is_________” and then follow it up with one thing you love about yourself.

I’ll go first…

“My Insecurity Today is my stye in my eye and one thing I love about myself is that I have a kind and tender heart.”

Now you go. I can’t wait to hear from you in the comments below. And if you know someone that needs to read these words, please feel free to “like” and “share” by clicking the buttons on the side of this page or copy/pasting the URL. Let’s all shine anyway. 

Your partner in crime,

Sally

P.s. All the best stuff happens first over on my list so if you’re not already on it, make sure you pop your little namesy and email addressy right over HERE

When you lose your shit over something minor

I am sitting here in my guest bedroom. The room I have deemed ripe for creativity today. Trying to finish this post, which I started days ago.

This post was to be the one to explain where the heck I’ve been and why my experiences from the last three years have taken me out of the blogging/business game completely.

I had a nice little story about how seeing my old rock n roll friend Jimmy last week reminded me of who I was, when for the past three years I had forgotten.

But I couldn’t finish the letter, and I got distracted because honestly…I was in a bad mood when I wrote this. (I cringe admitting this…just saying). Nothing super specific happened really. Just a few things strung together that gives me that general low-grade feeling of things not being that great, even though on the surface, literally nothing had changed since the day before when I felt awesome about life and like I had it all figured out.

And then I reached out to some friends to pump me up and they don’t do it right which sent me into my next tantrum. (*I’m using “tantrum” for dramatic effect. It was more like an eye roll, turning my phone to silent, and semi-aggressively throwing it onto the foot of the bed).

And then I realize that I’m tired. And I STILL have pink eye, which seems so ridiculous because…WHO GETS PINK EYE that isn’t in pre-school!? And then the soap fell out of the dish and onto the floor in the shower and I lose my shit.

When I first started my blog, I decided pretty early on to share honest things with you. Things that I was going through in life, which then made me realize that these were things we ALL go through in life.

And if we started having conversations about this, none of us would feel so alone and broken in what we assume is our own private hell of (assumed) craziness and complex emotions.

Through this sharing, we learned that we all have moments where we lose our shit because the soap fell out of the soap dish in the shower. Or cry when the person you like doesn’t like you back. Or when your ex has a new awesome girlfriend. Or when you STILL don’t know what to do with your life.

We are all messy and all over the place, but we don’t know that because none of us talk about it.

We’re too afraid to. We’re too afraid that other people might find out that we’re messy and all over the place, and in order to keep our perfection game going strong, we all just give a watered down version of what’s really going on.

And that’s what my last letter was. I mean…it wasn’t a LIE. It was all true and it’s what I wanted to say, but it wasn’t the MOST true thing today as I’m lying here typing this from my guest bedroom. The most true thing is what I’m saying now.

But my intention is still the same…to explain how much I’ve missed sharing stories about life with you. And how much I’ve missed hearing your stories in return. How much I’ve missed giggling about the soap dish which literally doesn’t matter five minutes after it mattered the most. And how much I’ve missed THIS.

Words on the page that connect us as human beings having these wild human experiences.

The last few years really sent me into a dark and hard place, which I will be sharing more about as I get my writing mojo back (someone please give me a better word for mojo…like seriously…it’s kind of the worst) but the bottom line is that I didn’t write because the honest things that were happening, were things I didn’t feel like I could share, for various reasons. And they felt private and somewhat shameful to me. I was embarrassed.

But…I’ve learned A LOT these past few years. Even though I haven’t been blogging, I have been writing, learning, reading, getting support and help through this tough time, and growing. I have learned a lot and am finally inching back into the light and have some things to share.

And I am coming home to myself. And a big part of that is coming home to you. You will be hearing from me more.

Stories connect us. And connection leads to a full heart. And a full heart lets us knowing we’re not alone. I need it just as much as you do. And so I’m recommitting to honesty. Won’t you come along again for the ride?

As always, I love hearing from you. Please comment below if any part of this resonated with you. If so, share which part and one takeaway.

Looking forward to hearing more of your stories,

Sally

P.s. Look for a fresh new blog post next week. It may or may not involve a banjo, running through the sprinklers, and what to do with your innate gifts in this world.

P.p.s. I already told my list about this. And I tend to give them the insider info. Wanna be in on the secrets first? Join us HERE

Because we want “This is Us” not “Singles”

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I have a very important question! :)

Do you ever walk into the grocery store at this time of year, and see all the heart balloons and chocolates displayed for Valentine’s Day and say to yourself “OH F YOU!” not because you hate love, but because you love love, which makes you sad because your current relationship status looks more like an episode of “Singles” or “Married with Children” than “This is Us”?

If you said yes…you are not alone. Studies show that 6 out of 10 couples are unhappy in their relationships, and 8 out of 10 singles feel discouraged in finding someone.

Valentine’s Day tends to bring up a lot for a lot of us. Pressure, sadness, feeling left out, and being reminded of the state of your less than ideal relationship status.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Through my training in Kundalini Yoga, I learned about a concept that shocked me. The idea is that we tend to store our past relationships (and any experiences, pains, or trauma from them) in our aura.

And since the aura is also the place where we project out into the world who we are and what we want, if we don’t clear some of those past partners or experiences, we’re likely to keep attracting similar people and situations into our lives.

You see this when you keep having the same fight over and over again. Or when your current partner acts a lot like your last partner in a lot of ways.

I believe that we can change all of this. And spend the month of February clearing out anything holding us back from having the relationship we truly want and envisioning what that is, and I created the perfect 28 Day Challenge to do just that.

In LOVE DETOX: Clearing The Past & Creating The Future, we will:

  • Break down what the heck happened in your last relationship/s that caused any residual pain and release it
  • Heal any wounds left over by love (romantic, family, friend, work relationships)
  • Envision your ideal future relationship (with a SUPER potent and killer worksheet created by Love Coach, Natalie Vartanian that has led to multiple relationships and marriages)
  • Manifest what we truly want and trust we’re in exactly the right place to get it

I know…sounds pretty awesome, right?

Here’s how it’ll go down:

  • Four weeks.
  • Four meditations (that we’ll do daily and each is 11 mins or less).
  • Two (in-depth and life-changing) worksheets.
  • Daily Check-In Posts
  • Daily Journal Prompts
  • Weekly Live Streaming Q & A chats with me
  • Private Facebook Group for discussion

All for less money than the takeout you and your friends ordered to binge watch “Jane The Virgin.”

BUT early bird pricing ends on the 24th, so don’t wait.

This is perfect for you if…

  • You crave an amazing relationship
  • You stay up at night worrying that you’ll you’ll be alone forever
  • You feel like you keep picking partners that aren’t right for you
  • You feel like you just can’t shake your last (or many previous) relationship
  • Your current relationship leaves a little (or a lot to be desired)
  • You long to stop feeling like you’re in “relationship jail” with someone you know isn’t right for you

If any of this resonates with you, make sure you check out all the details here and get in on the limited Early Bird spots because who wants to spend another Valentine’s Day talking yourself out of being sad about it. Instead, we can DO something about it. And I believe this is the thing to do.

So I have a request.

The request is that if this interests you even just a little bit, that you go on over to the page and read all the details and see if 2017 is going to be the year you find your person (or make your relationship with your current person better).

We sometimes get scared of making changes in our lives, but I truly believe that if something piques your interest, it might be the exact thing you need right now.

Let’s find out.

I still love love! Do you?

Sally

When It’s Time To Get Rid Of Your (Metaphorical) Christmas Tree

This morning I woke up and the first thing I did (after of course yoga, meditating, and drinking lemon water…lol j/k…I didn’t do that) was check my phone to see where the Christmas tree recycling facilities were.

You might be wondering why I would do such a thing, and to be honest, I was wondering the same thing myself. I’m not sure why I felt compelled to figure that out, and especially first thing on what was supposed to be a relaxed and lazy Sunday morning, and especially because I’m usually the type of person who leaves my Christmas tree up until March.

But for some reason, this year, only a couple weeks after Christmas, it feels like time to let it go. Put my regular throw pillows on the couch instead of the “Jingle Bell” ones. Take down the sparkly elf village inhabiting my kitchen counter. And switch out my “Christmas” porch display for a more generic “winter” one. In a sense…it feels like it’s time to embrace the changing of the season and the closing of the Christmas door for this year.

I am thinking about this this morning as I sip my new favorite tea (Chai Mint Vanilla), about what a change this feels like. I am usually someone who has a really hard time letting go, embracing change, and moving on from something that I enjoyed a lot. But today…it just felt like the right time.

And as I think about this, I think about all things that change every year (day), without us thinking about it…seasons, weather, feelings, experiences, people in our lives, thoughts in our heads, and I think about how much suffering and pain we all have from trying to hang onto things that are simply just out of our control, or simply just time to move on from. The grasping to hang on to our metaphorical Christmasses, even though the day passed and there is nothing we can do about that.

I was having a similar conversation with one of my best friends last night about this. And about how, given that we can’t control outcomes or people, that all we can really do is do what we feel is best in any given moment, and trust that things are going to work out the way they are supposed to.

So today…trust is my mantra. Trust is my word. Trusting that I make choices from an educated and intuitive place and trust that those are the right choices for me. Like…that it’s time to recycle the tree and enter into the next phase of the year, which soon will be February…the MONTH OF LOVE!

And since I can never pass up an opportunity to focus on yearly themes and creates big “to-do’s” around them (I mean…you should have seen my Christmas decorations), I’m putting together the first annual 28 Day Love Challenge, but I can’t give you all the details right now because they are still top secret. But I can tell you it’s going to be awesome and it’s going to be perfect for anyone at all stages of relationship (or non-relationship). So keep an eye out.

In the meantime I hope you enjoy your Sunday and OH! Here…take a free gift.

Here is a short meditation that me and 63 other amazing Wildhearts just completed in our 40 Day New Years Challenge. The results were crazy cool…but of course I will tell you more about that when I tell you about the February challenge.

In the meantime…enjoy this free meditation! All you gotta do is click the link here and then click the little player thingy, close your eyes, and follow along. Happy Sunday to you.

From my Christmas tree to yours,

Sally

Wildheart Revolution