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Motorcycle-riding renegade life coach and leader of the Wildheart Revolution. Loves: Hot-pink lipstick, puns, guns, crosswords, two-steppin', and french manicures.

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Category Archives: love & relationships

“Should I Break Up With Him?” How to Know Whether It’s Time

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In case you hadn’t noticed, not all romantic relationships last forever.

Sometimes, in fact, you hit a moment that comes as a real bummer.

The moment where you seriously doubt whether or not your relationship is going to work.

(Or whether it’s even good for you.)

It starts kind of as a seed in your mind.

You start observing certain behaviors in your partner, or interactions between the two of you—and you ask yourself, “Is this really what I want?”

Then you start talking with friends about it, which often confuses the issue even more.

As well meaning as they can be, they aren’t there for all the little moments that make up your relationship.

Ultimately, the decision about whether to stay or leave any relationship rests on you.

(No pressure or anything.)

I find that people experience more pain in these moments than in almost any other moment of their life.

They feel conflicted, scared, confused, and consumed by their wondering.

I’ve had so many coaching clients ask me about this issue, in fact, that I created this special video to help you address it, in case you’re facing it right now.

In the video, I share with you three key questions to ask yourself that will help you know if you should breakup, or if you should try to work on it.

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts and takeways in the comments.

Have you faced a difficult breakup? Are you facing one right now? Have you asked yourself these questions before you decided?

I know this can be a sensitive topic, but it’s one that’s so important to all of us.

After all, if your personal relationships aren’t working, how can you let your wild heart run free to pursue everything life has to offer?

I’m looking forward to hearing your responses.

And as always, if you know someone who can use this quick and simple message, please share!

Sending hugs,
Sally

 

There Is Nothing More Badass Than Being Who You Are

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I decided to take my friend Srini up on a challenge. He’s helping promote a book called “Love With a Chance of Drowning” a memoir by Torre DeRoche. Which is a book about embarking on an adventure and overcoming tons of fears (both obvious and more subtle) in order to do so.

And since all these things are my favorite topics (love, adventure, overcoming obstacles, self-reflection) I decided to chime in with an account of my own fearful adventure.

At first, I wasn’t sure which adventure to choose. I’ve done lots of things that have terrified me to the point of ugly face crying, and almost calling it all off. In the past two years alone, I’ve moved completely out of my comfort zone in all senses of the words in every single area of my life.

Previous to that, I’ve gotten on stage and played music in front of near 20,000 people. I walked out on the guy I thought I was going to marry because I knew that I wasn’t being who I truly am, in that relationship. I’ve had tough conversations. Shot guns. Ridden motorcycles. Up and moved to another country without knowing anything about it. Driven a 34 foot RV across the country, twice, without ever having stepped foot in an RV previous to that. Hunted. I traveled alone in a van, with my dog, with just a map and no plan. I moved to the middle of Montana knowing only a few people there. I’ve gotten off major meds that a doctor mis-prescribed me with 10 years prior. I’ve visited the gravesite of my dad, after years of trying to forget. I decided to love someone who didn’t love me back. And on and on and on.

And although yes, these are all fearful adventures, I knew that choosing just one of them to write about wasn’t going to be the point.

I think that being in a state of a “fearful adventure” is not necessarily in the things we do or the adventures we choose, per se. But rather the fearful adventure is the decision to commit to the lifestyle. The decision to live a life in such a way that adventures (which are almost always riddled with fear and obstacles) can happen.

In thinking about this, I know that the most fearful adventure I’m on is the one I choose day after day to live my life in the way I want to. To not settle for less than best, most sparked, most fulfilling career and relationship, even in the face of struggle and fear and living in a society who tells me that I’m nothing if I don’t have a husband or kids by my age or have a “stable” job.

The fearful adventure I’m on is the CHOICE and commitment I have to make to myself over and over again to do things that are scary, despite the disapproval I get from others.

The decision, to ride my new motorcycle even when everyone around me tells me that I’m going to end up crippled or dead, or the choice to be who I am even when multiple guys (three THIS WEEK to be exact) tell me that I’m too intimidating to date. To choose a career that most people think is total bullshit and is the butt of jokes all over the place.  To choose to continue to love even when my heart has been broken. To be vulnerable in the face of crumbling. To be honest at the risk of being “that girl” who is needy or weak.

These are the things that make up my fearful adventure. It isn’t one thing. One isolated event, but rather it’s in the choosing. Everyday. To be who I am, and not apologize for it. To live my life in the way I want, regardless of if anyone else agrees with me.

It’s travel. Adventure. Love. Courage. Fear. Softness. Wind in my hair. Miles under my belt. Failing. Flailing. Falling. Getting back up. Crying. Laughing. Seeing new things. And looking inside my heart and realizing that I love what I see.

And from this place…the next fearful adventure I’m embarking on is the Wildheart Revolution. I have a vision where amazing, dynamic, smart, interesting, soft, loving, edgy people rule the planet. Where being who we are is celebrated. Where honesty and vulnerability are emotions that we’re proud of displaying. Where there is a place where we can all go to learn skills for life that actually help us navigate these crazy waters.

That is the Wildheart Revolution. I don’t know exactly what it is or how it’s going to look, but I just know I’m the leader of it. This terrifies me to no end…but it’s the most exciting thing on my mind.

Yes. I’m afraid. Yes. It’s all an adventure. And yes…it’s how I choose to live. It’s my fearful adventure. We all have the choice. What’s yours gonna be?

befree

P.s. If you enjoyed this post and you want to be a part of the Wildheart Revolution…make sure you sign up for my mailing list HERE.


Love with a Chance of Drowning – A Memoir by Torre DeRocheThis post is part of the My Fearful Adventure series, which is celebrating the launch of Torre DeRoche’s debut book Love with a Chance of Drowning, a true adventure story about one girl’s leap into the deep end of her fears.

“Wow, what a book. Exciting. Dramatic. Honest. Torre DeRoche is an author to follow.” Australian Associated Press

“… a story about conquering the fears that keep you from living your dreams.” Nomadicmatt.com

“In her debut, DeRoche has penned such a beautiful, thrilling story you’ll have to remind yourself it’s not fiction.” Courier Mail

Find out more…


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How To Get Rid Of Emotions You Hate Feeling (Part II)

So in last week’s post we talked about the importance of emotions. How, the only way to really get through them, is to feel them fully, to not resist them.

And often when I share this concept with friends, family, or clients, they’re all like “ok…yeahhhhh…I mean what do you mean, of course I feel my feelings or else I wouldn’t be so upset right now, right?”

Wrong.

The thing that actually happens is that tough emotions are tough (obvs). And they’re tough because they’re painful. They’re emotions that we don’t like feeling. Like that ache in our heart when the love of our life breaks up with us. Or the disappointment we feel in our gut when we don’t get the job of our dreams. Or the fear we have in looking towards the future and not being able to see how it is going to ever possibly work out the way we want it to.

And these tough emotions are so painful that we’ll do anything we possibly can to resist them. And we do this by distracting ourselves away from them, either by telling ourselves we’re stupid for feeling that way, or we’ll drink alcohol to numb it out, or we’ll seek attention from others in order to fill the void that these tough emotions are creating. We do pretty much anything, other than feel the feeling. And then when we wonder why the feeling comes back again. Why we have recurring feelings.

The answer is that it keeps having a hold on you because you’re never actually allowing yourself to feel it.

Emotions are like two year olds going “Mommy, mommmmmy, mom, MOM, MOMMMMMY.” Your reaction might be to ignore them because they’re annoying. But they are just trying to get our attention. And the more we ignore them the louder they get. All they want is to be acknowledged. And just like the two year old, once they are acknowledged, they go away. If you resist the two year old, the “Mommy’s” will just get louder and more destructive.

So…I get it. This is a funny concept. And completely counter intuitive to what you think you should do when you’re feeling a tough emotion. So I created a little guide for you to make it easy. It’s an acronym and I use it anytime I’m feeling really tough emotions that I don’t want to feel. So here it is:

Sally Hope’s Fancy Pants L.O.V.E. Technique, for when you feel like CRAP

L – Let whatever feelings that are there FULLY be there. Really feel them and let them wash over you. Say: “I’m experiencing myself feel _______”

O– Observe. Observe where in your body your feel these feelings. Ask “where in my body do I feel this right now?” and “what does it feel like?” Keep feeling that feeling in your body.

If you truly feel it, and observe and feel it in the body, the emotion if likely to shift into…

V– Vulnerability. This is the next level emotion (closer to truth, hence the word vulnerability) underneath the one you started with. Ask “What’s here now?” And then go back to “L” by then letting that feeling be there.

There isn’t ALWAYS another feeling underneath the one you started with, so if not, just keep feeling the original one.

You’ll know you’re done with the exercise when you get to “E” which is

E– Ease. You’ll know you’re done with the exercise when you feel a sense of ease or calm. You might still feel the emotion, but it won’t have the same hold on you that it did before. That’s when you know you’re done. If you don’t get to ease, it’s likely there is still an emotion that you haven’t let yourself feel yet.

 

The point here is that pain is a part of being a human. We all experience it often. But even though we have pain, we don’t need to have suffering. By practicing this technique, you eliminate the suffering that is attached to our pain. Try it. I promise it’ll work if you really give it a go.

Let me know how it goes or if you have any questions in the comments below.

XO,

Sally

P.s. If you enjoyed this post and you want to be a part of the Wildheart Revolution…make sure you sign up for my mailing list HERE.

How To Get Rid Of Emotions You Hate Feeling (Part I)

...You got this

 

Yesterday I got a sunburn. From lying on the grass for 15 minutes in between picking up a package at the post office, and taking a call with my next client for the day. It was the first time I had laid on grass since September and it was probably the first time I had worn a tank top without bringing a sweater since August.

Needless to say, it was a beautiful Montana afternoon. Blue skies. Big puffy clouds up above. Sun coming down. People on bikes and in shorts and dresses and sandals.

“I made it!!” I thought. Summer is finally here. I was out of the woods with winter. And man did it feel great. Like working hard and finally getting the A. Or the enjoyment of a really clean closet once you put the effort into cleaning it out.

About two hours later, I was in a coffee shop with my friend, sitting with my back to the window. His eyes dart towards the door and he smirks… “Whoa look at the rain come down!”

In an “are you kidding me” eye roll glance I turn my head toward the window and see the rain, coming down, hard.

“What the hell Montana!?” I said and giggled, looking at the changing tide with a loving glance.

I knew the weather was extreme here when I moved here, but I didn’t realize how quickly in a day it can change. From sunburn to rainboots in two hours flat. I certainly wasn’t used to this sort of thing, but it was actually kind of cool. Montana has such a dynamic personality!

There’s a joke here that goes “If you don’t like the weather in Montana…wait five minutes.”

The extremes can be a bit jarring, but it’s all part of the landscape. It’s unpredictable, but it’s also what makes this place so dynamic. So dramatically breathtaking. It’s part of what makes it special and great.

And this got me thinking about life. And emotions.

People tend to think that there are “good” or acceptable emotions, and that there are “bad” or unacceptable emotions. We’re ok with feeling certain things, and absolute no fucking WAY ok with feeling other things (shame, guilt, fear, anxiety, embarrassment, worry).

And not only are we not ok with feeling these things, but we all build up very intricate systems to guard against all the evil “bad” emotions when they show up. Like distractions to “get our mind off” whatever we’re feeling. Or alcohol to “numb out the pain.”  Or Facebook to get attention from other people so we don’t need to think about how we’re feeling.

But by doing these things, by distracting, by numbing, by placing our attention elsewhere, we’re actually just putting a band-aid on the emotion. And by doing that, we’re actually making the wound worse. Because it doesn’t get to breathe. It never gets to heal. It never gets to do what it came here to do…which is be felt, and then move on. Instead, it gets trapped.

The only way to heal and the only way to “get rid of” a tough emotion is to actually allow the emotion to be there. To actually feel it. To let it run through the body and run its course, rather than be trapped in there by us trying to put band-aids on it all the time. The true surgery for emotions is not to cover them up, but rather to allow. Accept. Feel. Embrace.

There’s a statistic that says that if you truly feel a feeling for 90 seconds, it will disappear. 90 SECONDS. Which is so much better than the days, weeks, years it usually sticks around by us trying not to feel.

So next time you have a tough emotion creep up, next time you hate yourself for missing an ex, or are in total grief over losing a loved one, or so worried about your future you can hardly sleep, or feeling so guilty about something you did (or didn’t do) in the past, remember to feel the feeling.

If you don’t like how you’re feeling…wait five minutes. Give it time to be there.

By allowing, by giving the emotion space and time, you will experience a sense of ease and the emotion will no longer have a hold on you. And know that the ability to feel a broad spectrum of emotions is one of the most beautiful things about you. It makes you dynamic. And great. And uniquely you.

After my teacup was empty, and after my meeting with my friend was over, I grabbed my bag to head out the door and guess what…the sun was once again shining. I headed back out to the grass and watched the clouds go by.

And this is a Wildheart Life. Riding the wave. Being honest about what you’re feeling. Lying on the grass. :)

This is Part I of this post. Part II, next week will tell you how to actually do this whole “feel your feelings” thing. Stay tuned.

What tough emotions are you experiencing right now? What do you tend to want to do when you start feeling tough emotions? What do you think the effect of that has been? Leave a comment below.

Xo, S

P.s. If you enjoyed this post and you want to be a part of the Wildheart Revolution…make sure you sign up HERE.

6 Things You’ve Cried About In The Last Month And What To Do About It.

 

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Oh Wildheart. I cry too. And to me, this just means that I have the capacity to feel intense emotions…just like you. I’ve been thinking about you lately, and I have a suspicion that these are some things you’ve been upset about lately.

One…if not all of them.

1) You want a, connected, sparked, passionate, vibrant relationship but you don’t have it. 

2) You’ve been dreaming of living a Wildheart Life, but you feel like it’s so impossible. 

3) You’re in pain and it is consuming you.

4) You feel confused. Overwhelmed. Not knowing your next step. Or how to create what you want.

5) Your business isn’t going the way you want it to

6) You feel STUCK. In your job. Your relationship. Your life. 

If you nodded your head yes to any of these, it’s time to talk to a Life Coach. ME.

It’s time to talk to me.

And the good news is that I’m wanting to talk to you.


FOR FREE

There is nothing I love more than helping you with ALL of this stuff. It’s my favorite thing to do. And because of that, we both benefit. If you’re curious…even a little bit…get your free 20 minute call.

I want to help you on your Wildheart Way. With this new “FreeHeart” call.

To Live. Free. To Have. Love.

Sign up HERE for your free call

I know it’s kind of scary to talk about this stuff but,

Nothing ever changes if we don’t change the way we’re doing it.

lifebegins

I have ten spots open for this free call for next week. First come first serve. Get it while it’s hot.

And in the meantime, enjoy this video. This is the song I like to sing when I’m ready to make a big change.

Your Wildhearted Companion,

Sally

Email me with any questions: sally@sallyhope.com

P.s. Know what always helps me when I’m upset? Bawling my eyes out for a little while, drinking some tea, then putting on my favorite lipstick and taking myself dancing. What about you?

P.p.s. Also…wanted to give you a heads up that are THREE new ways to work with me on a personal level. With three different price points, all from $30-$550 a month.  More coming on that soon!

 

 

 

 

Wildheart Revolution