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Meet Sally Hope

Motorcycle-riding renegade life coach and leader of the Wildheart Revolution. Loves: Hot-pink lipstick, puns, guns, crosswords, two-steppin', and french manicures.

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Motorcycle Riding. And Blaming Others For Our Problems. (psst…not cool)

decisions

 

A few weeks ago I made a decision that I wasn’t going to tell anyone anymore about my (exciting, fun, adventurous, bucket listy) purchase of my new motorcycle. Although I was SUPER proud of having bought it after riding had been on my bucket list since high school, the comments and opinions I got when I told people really started to piss me off.

“That’s dangerous you know.”

“I know someone who died (is disabled, is injured, can’t walk, etc etc) from a motorcycle accident.”

“I would never get on one of those death traps.”

“You’re an idiot.”

And the worst:

Sigh….”Please be careful I would hate to see something happen to you.”

Although I know that these types of phrases technically come from a loving place, they annoyed me to the point of argument.

Like duh…like I hadn’t thought about the safety issues. Like I didn’t know already that they were dangerous. Like I hadn’t heard the same story of that one guy on that one road who died on a bike. It’s not a secret that motorcycles can be dangerous, so I felt like why the need to rain on my awesome new motorcycle parade with these quips.

And around the same time, I came across the quote:

“The critic hates the most that which he would have done himself if he had the guts” -Steven Pressfield

And thought…”That’s it!!!” That’s the quote that is going to be the reference for my blog post about my motorcycle. That ME living my life fulfilled and the way I want is somehow threatening to people because they just don’t have the guts to do it. And I had it in my head, the exact way to talk about it. Which basically just showed how awesome I am for doing it and how lame they are for telling me to be safe.

But something wasn’t right. I was too upset about what they were saying. I was wanting to be mean and “show them.” Which I know is an indicator for me to look inward. So I did the only thing a spiritual being in this situation can do. Reflect.

Why was I getting so upset at their concern for my safety? Why did it bother me so much they had a different opinion about it than me? And then it hit me.

It pissed me off because I was afraid they were right. I was scared too. I was afraid I’d die. Or get injured. Or something terrible would happen to me. Everything they brought up were fears I already had. It was like my fears telling me that these terrible things were definitely going to happen, and if I went for it, I’d be asking for it. Like “See…we TOLD you and you didn’t listen.” So every time someone would say something, it got added to the pot of my fears that already existed.

Which left me conflicted. Because learning to ride a motorcycle has been one of the proudest things I’ve ever done.

DESPITE these fears, despite the lack of support from family or friends, despite not having anyone I know to show me the ropes, despite how much it’s not accepted by society, or the motor safety division, I wanted to do it. I wanted to see for myself. I wanted to have that experience of shifting gears and rolling on the throttle and having the wind in my hair and the smell of the trees in my nose as the beautiful mountain landscape whizzes by me.

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I wanted to see for myself if it lived up to my fantasies.

And it does.

And what I came to after this reflection is another quote I came across recently which is:

“The more you stand behind what you’re doing, the less you need others to.”

It wasn’t that they were bad for telling me to be careful, but what it did instead was force me to stand behind my decision. To be firm. And proud. In the face of disagreement. And this lesson is perhaps one of the most important thus far.

It’s easy to blame other people when we feel upset. It’s easy to look outward when we’re hurt. But rarely, if ever, is it about other people. We have a whole world inside our minds and the more willing we are to look at it, the less suffering we’ll feel.

Yes I still get scared. Yes it still bugs me when someone reacts that way to me telling them I ride. But I know now that the place to look is my own leadership of my own life, and be proud of my decisions regardless. To make them for the right reasons. And to live MY life.

This is a Wildheart life. And I’m proud I did it.

I don’t know if I’ll do it forever. And it doesn’t matter to me. That I’ve done it at all and had that experience and taken it all into my own hands. Is what matters to me. There has been nothing like that feeling of riding my bike by myself for the first time. It got me. Boots chaps and sinker.

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So the next time you want to get mad at someone who has a different opinion you do. The next time your blood boils at something someone says, the next time you’re more upset than usual at a situation take some time to reflect. Might be a good time to re-evaluate what you stand for. Stand up for what you believe in and you won’t need others to.  The more you believe in what you’re up to the less it’ll matter whether or not other people think it’s a good idea.

What is something in your life you’re needing to stand behind? Leave a comment below.

XO, Sally

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Riding A Unicorn, Bareback. And Forgetting How Awesome You Are.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
It’s me…talking to you.

YOU…the one who is feeling all bad about yourself right now. Feeling like you’re not doing it right, feeling like you’re failing, feeling like you’re stuck and like you’ll never have the life you want.

YOU…who has done so many amazingly ridiculous things in your life, jumping through fire, bursting through fears, only to come out the other side bigger and brighter. And then once you land on the other side, you’re all like “yeah, whatever, that wasn’t a big deal. And what I really want is to cross fire while riding a unicorn, bareback, and I’m not good enough to do something like THAT, so I must be a loser.”

YOU…who has forgotten how great you are. How smart and interesting and funny and loving you are. Who is always there for your friends. Who makes children smile. Who makes kitten coo. Who gives her heart and learns and grows and keeps brushing the dirt off and getting back up when you fall.

YOU…who has survived a broken heart. Many broken hearts. And is still willing to love. Still willing to put herself out there to be vulnerable and judged.

YOU…who has started your own business or written your own blog or tried something different and got bummed because it didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to.

YOU…who sometimes doesn’t want to get out of bed or face the day or deal with the crumbs on the counter or call back any of the messages in your voicemail box.

YOU…who are scared and sensitive and worried that you’ll never have what you want, be what you want, get what you want, reach the state that you desire.

This is for YOU. And this is for ME. To remind us both that we are the heart and soul of this world. We are the ones that care enough to make things different. The ones who know that change, on a big level, starts with change within us. The ones who are striving to be our best so we can deliver the best and make changes, for the best. If we didn’t care about affecting change, we wouldn’t be caring about pushing ourselves to the next level.

And anytime we push or move to the next level, we enter into an epic battle of US vs. US. The Mind vs. Matter. And in these moments, we MUST NOT FORGET HOW AWESOME WE ARE. How far we’ve already come. How capable we are. How much magic we can make and how many impossible things we already make possible.

Keep on going. Get out of bed. Start writing that book. Put together that new program. Start your non-profit. Take that trip. Fall in love. And smile knowing that no matter how unknown the road is, you’re still on the road. Keep walking.

We want what you have to offer. We want you to show up. We want you to succeed. And we want you in this world shining brightly. DO try this at home. Do whatever it takes.

*Disclaimer…when I said “YOU,” I also meant “ME”. We’re all in this together.

Let’s start celebrating the ways in which we’re awesome. I’ll start. Then you go. Leave a comment below with some things you want to celebrate about yourself, or ways that you get yourself out of a slump. And if this resonates…share with your friends!

Here’s one reason I’m awesome. I rock. Like this.

And this. With my old band, Poets & Pornstars.

Wyatt Earp. Love In Your Pocket. Daddy, Don’t Leave Me.

Last week, as I sat on my bathroom floor, furiously crying, with tears pouring down my face and snot dripping out of my nose, my face all puffy and red and scrunched up like, barely being able to breathe, feeling completely, irrationally ridiculous, on the phone with my friend, I had a realization that has changed everything for me.

In that moment, I so clearly remembered being 16 years old.  Bawling about a boy, who supposedly broke my heart.  “Why doesn’t he want to be with me?” I’d ask.  “Why doesn’t he love me?” “How could he leave me?” And then remembering even further back to months before that when my Daddy died, asking the Universe/God the same questions.

My dad died when I was 15 years old.  MY DADDY.  The one guy that was supposed to always be there for me, always love me and take care of me, always be a rock and teach me things like how to properly throw a football or how to detail a car or how to juggle and tell a perfectly timed joke.  The guy whose love wasn’t supposed to be fleeting.  He did the worst thing he possibly could have done to me, ever.  He up and died.  And he had a choice in the matter.  And he chose to leave.  Me.  There all alone.  With no explanation, no warning, no hope for a spirited return.  Just gone.

And so, as I was lying on the floor of my apartment bawling, asking those same questions of someone I barely even knew, it occurred to me that something very deep was happening for me.  Those questions have been asked, in exactly the same words, in exactly the same situations, and expressed in the exact same kind of sobbing way, throughout my entire life. That…right now, in this present moment, with this new situation in mind, that my feelings had almost nothing to do with this new person, rather, that it was all this old stuff creeping up on me, slowly, then very quickly, like HERE I AM LADY AND YOU MUST LOOK AT ME, NOW!!!

The thing that is seeping in, through all my tears are these very old wounds, of being left, and fear of a made up future that hasn’t even happened yet.  Hurt and pain that I buried so deep inside so many years ago because it was just too painful to feel.  I didn’t want to look at it then because it hurt too badly, and I also decided to never ever feel something so painful again.  Ever.  But here I was, feeling exactly the way I felt then, in a situation that technically, and rationally, shouldn’t have warranted such a reaction.

Before this realization, I had been driving myself crazy, thinking about this guy that I talked about in my last post.  We’ll just call him Wyatt Earp.  It’s crazy because, I had the cerebral understanding that very little of this actually has to do with him.  That instead, he is a mirror for me, reflecting back all the things I need to look at in my life.  All the things I need to work on.  All the things I’ve buried so deep, and have been distracting myself with by jumping from one relationship to the next, never allowing the ground of self-awareness to get fertile.  Never allowing myself to be alone for a long enough period of time to actually allow this stuff to come to the surface.  And instead, I’d bring it into whatever relationship was next and drag it around the foundation of that partnership, building a relationship on shaky ground.  That doesn’t feel good at all.  I’m (kind of) glad that Wyatt Earp didn’t put his love in my pocket so easily, because it would have been my old pattern, repeating, which I vowed not to do after my last relationship. And for that, I’m grateful.  And now it’s time to do the work.  People come into our lives for a reason, and it’s rarely for the reason we think.

In Eat Pray Love, the quote that has stuck with me the most throughout that entire book is something Richard the Texan said while they were at the Ashram in India.  He says:

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life…”

Not surprising to me that both Wyatt Earp and my last ex are listed in my (trusty ol’) astrology book as soul mates.

I seriously am panicking as I post this.  Because of not only my fear to be vulnerable to you, still, and the feeling that since I’m a coach, I must not fall apart in front of you (“Even Coaches Get The Blues”), the fear that Wyatt Earp might read this and think I’m (even more) crazy, but because I can’t think of much worse than being labeled as a girl with daddy issues.  But growth is about being honest.  About being who you truly are.  Maybe I DO have Daddy issues.  Maybe I HAVE been acting irrationally and crazy.  So what?  I am who I am.  I’m sensitive and carry around old wounds.  Whatever.  I’m a human being and I’m working on my wounds and old patterns so I can be a better person, a better friend, a better partner, a better daughter and sister, and a better Coach.

I’m not sure what you are going through right now.  Maybe you’re experiencing something similar, or maybe you’re struggling with something else.  If you find yourself stuck or obsessing about something that isn’t making sense, or unable to let something go, just know that you’re probably reacting to something that has very little to do with what’s in front of you right now, and rather either being triggered by some old hurt that still lives inside you, or some made up story about what lies ahead of you.  And if you look inside, I’m certain you’ll find a little girl in there who is scared.  Love her.  And Be kind to yourself right now.

Despite all this growth, and processing, and heavy stuff I’ve been going through, I’m also happy.  Happy I’m doing it, happy I’m feeling it, and happy for what doing those two things is going to bring me on the other side of it.  It’s all very interesting and cool to me…even the painful parts.  And with this all being said, I’ve made some decisions in my life.  I’m moving out of the bay area in one month, getting in an RV with Natalie, and going where the wind takes me.

I love hearing from you.  Leave a comment if any of this resonates with you.  And I promise, next, I’ll post something light and fun (maybe) :)

And in light of being completely, absolutely open to you guys, I’m going to share something I never thought I would.  Evidence of my state of being lately, which seems to swing wildly from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other.  This is what happens when you’re a human…or at the very least, when you are a female.

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Billie Jean. Attachment-itis. And Baring It All (mostly)

Ok.. I’ll admit it. I have a letting go problem. I don’t like to do it. I avoid it at all costs. And it comes up all over my life. With love, with homes or places to live, with memories or experiences. Lately, it’s been coming up about my next steps.

Coming back from Costa Rica has proved to be even harder than I anticipated, and I think it has nothing, actually, to do with Costa Rica, but rather the fact that I’m feeling pretty unhinged in general. I moved up to the bay area two years ago to be with my partner (at the time). And now that we’re not together anymore I’m finding myself wondering what the heck I’m still doing here. Do I even like it in Oakland? Does it light me up? In comparison to Costa Rica, definitely, no. And so, with no real ties here, I’m left with too many possibilities. Like…ALL of them. I could essentially go anywhere in the world, and although that might sound amazing, it actually feels weird.

I like having ties. I like structure. I like a sense of stability. And apparently, I like hanging on to things way too long. So I’m finding myself trying to grab on to “tangible” things (that in reality, aren’t actually tangible…like a relationship interest who “isn’t looking for a relationship,” which I know ultimately means “I’m not looking for a relationship with YOU,” but since he said that, of course I’ve decided that it is meant to be, forever and ever and I keep holding onto that and am getting super bummed even though I (sorta) don’t really want a relationship either, UGH!)

Most of the time lately I feel like a crazy person. My mind can’t seem to make any decisions, I find myself in tears without knowing exactly what I’m crying about, I’m feeling a panic feeling in my chest, sadness, loneliness and it’s even worse because I do realize that these are all just made up thoughts and stories in my head. Doesn’t change the fact that they are there, affecting me.

And it really just comes down to my avoidance of both letting go and being afraid. Not necessarily in that order. I’m afraid to be unhinged, afraid to let go (of my life here, of my ex, of life as I know it, of security, of potential relationships), afraid to not be attached, afraid I’m not enough, or not lovable, or afraid of what it means that some guy doesn’t want to be with me, or what it means to put all my stuff in storage and have no home. Lately, I think it’s been easier for me to distract myself with these “confusing” thoughts and pseudo-relationships than actually deal with myself, and what I’m actually feeling, and the fears I have surrounding my situation. The mind is a tricky little fugger.

I know I talk about fear, and running towards it, a lot. And in this moment, I’m in the middle of it. Torn. Unable to see the light. But that’s the thing with situations like this…it’s almost impossible to see light. They aren’t set up for that. They’re set up so that you take the risk anyway, and then light shows up on your first step. Kind of like that old Billie Jean Michael Jackson video where the squares light up only as he steps on them. Before the step, the light isn’t there, and after the step, it’s gone. Not knowing what’s on the step, but just trusting that it’ll be lit up by the time your foot lands on it.

Right now…I need some lit up steps. I need to just step, I think. To move. Literally and figuratively. I’m scared. And wonder what will happen. But I’m going to do it anyway. The unknown is possibly the scariest situation for us humans, and it’s all over the place, always, and pretty much never goes away. But, like I’ve said many times before, nothing cool and amazing ever happens from being too comfortable, from staying in one place. I think it’s time for me to let go of some things. Let go of Oakland and my life here, let go of Costa Rica, let go of any pre-conceived notions of how my life needs to or should look, let go of rules I made up a long time ago.

I’ve been avoiding this blog post. I didn’t want to write when I was in this state. I’ve been feeling emotional, crazy, vulnerable. Three of my least favorite emotions. But I can’t avoid you forever and I don’t want to. This is all part of letting go of what everything needs to look like, including this blog. I’m here, darnit. In this real place. Why not share, right?

In the airport on our way home from Costa Rica, Natalie shared this quote with me. It felt so appropriate then, and feels even more so now.

“In the end, what matters most is how well did you live, how well did you love, and how well did you learn to let go.” -Confucius

And since this is about letting go, I will leave you with my very last Costa Rica video. I started to make it on the airplane home, two weeks ago, but hadn’t looked at it since because I didn’t feel like crying (again). Phew. Just admitting all this makes me feel better. I’m human. I have real human emotions. No sense beating myself up over it.

Tell me I’m not alone! :-) Have you ever felt this way? Leave a comment and let me know what here has resonated with you.

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I’m Asking You Nicely. And, The Fear Busting Gene.

In the past, I’ve never been someone who likes change.  I’m happy to eat the same breakfast for months in a row, I lived within a 45 minute radius from where I grew up my whole life until two years ago, I tend to order the dishes I know I like at restaurants, and I usually stay in wrong relationships way too long.  I’ve been experimenting lately, as you know, with switching things up.  Living/working in Costa Rica, for over a month. We are now five days away from our departing flight and all kinds of crazy stuff is happening for me.  I’m getting stomachaches, I haven’t been sleeping well, and I’ve developed a cough.

For virtually five weeks, I’ve felt almost zero stress.  Although things have come up, nothing has spun me into a nauseous mess.  I’ve had space and time to just be, live my life healthily and happily.  And as I sit here in the morning, laundry blowing on the line, thinking of all the “stuff” awaiting for me at home (real and perceived), I get worried.  I get stressed.  It feels heavy and too much.  And I’m sad to leave.  Leave all the amazing things I’ve discovered about my life and myself here.

I know all of the clichés are true: “When one door closes, another one opens.” Or, “its not an ending, but yet the beginning of something else.”  On a cerebral level, I understand all of that.  Doesn’t change the fact I’m still going to miss waking up to the jungle sounds and the monkeys outside my window, looking out to a field of green trees.  I know the trick for me right now is to enjoy it all while I’m here and try to bring home with me as much of what was amazing about my experience here.

My eyes have been opened to a new way of life.  I’m changed.  And I’m happier.

So, I’ve come up with a list of things I want to bring home with me.
Things I want to remember.  Things I want to put into my carry-on bag.

Directly from my diary, it reads:

1)    Say YES to opportunities that show up
2)    More physical activity on a daily basis
3)    More stretching
4)    Less Internet
5)    More calmness
6)    More fun with friends
7)    More vulnerability
8)    More nature
9)    More pushups
10) More minimalism
11) Less distractions
12) More quality connections
13) More time and space
14) More reading
15) Less meat
16) More adventures
17) More Natalie
18) More music
19) More water (both drinking and swimming)
20) Less underwear
21) More dresses
22) More sunshine
23) Less cell phone
24) More videos and photos
25) More giggling
26) More creative business scheming
27) More writing
28) More Inspired Everything
29) Less hiding
31) More realness
32) More random dance parties
33) Less clothes
34) More vitamins
35) More early to bed early to rise
36) More fruits and veggies
37) Find the people that truly love me for who I am and hang out with them more
38) Keep saying YES, especially when it’s scary, or doesn’t make “sense”

I’m on the verge of some things that scare me.  And I’m afraid to go back home, and lose everything beautiful about my experience here.  But I realized last night that the magic about this experience lives in me.  Costa Rica was just the backdrop.  There will be many more backdrops and I get to carry this magic around with me always.

We always think that certain people are brave and certain people aren’t.  Like you see someone doing something amazing or risky or out of the box and we think “oh…he/she is so lucky that they’re not afraid to do x, y, z.”  And I think we have it wrong.  There’s no gene for fear busting.  Those “other” people don’t have some kind of insider knowledge that we don’t have that helps them go do said thing.  It’s more that they do the scary thing anyway whether or not they’re afraid.  The insider knowledge they do have is that they just HAVE to do it.  They feel called.  They can’t not.  I felt that way with Costa Rica.  I felt called.  It needed to happen.  And it has changed me in ways I never imagined it would.  I didn’t even think about it before I left.  Just bought the ticket and hopped on the plane.  Nothing that showed up was anything I actively sought after, but everything I needed to learn.

Whatever it is you’re scared to do right now, please just do it.  I’m asking you nicely. There’s something inside you, wanting to come out and play.  Let it.  There is never going to be a better time.

Here’s a video I made documenting part of my fear process with this trip and how unbelievably happy I am that I pushed through.

If you dig this post, share it with anyone you think it’ll touch.  And leave me a comment and let me know which part resonated with you the most.  See you on my next adventure.

Wildheart Revolution