September 3rd, 2013
“Should I Break Up With Him?” How to Know Whether It’s Time
In case you hadn’t noticed, not all romantic relationships last forever.
Sometimes, in fact, you hit a moment that comes as a real bummer.
The moment where you seriously doubt whether or not your relationship is going to work.
(Or whether it’s even good for you.)
It starts kind of as a seed in your mind.
You start observing certain behaviors in your partner, or interactions between the two of you—and you ask yourself, “Is this really what I want?”
Then you start talking with friends about it, which often confuses the issue even more.
As well meaning as they can be, they aren’t there for all the little moments that make up your relationship.
Ultimately, the decision about whether to stay or leave any relationship rests on you.
(No pressure or anything.)
I find that people experience more pain in these moments than in almost any other moment of their life.
They feel conflicted, scared, confused, and consumed by their wondering.
I’ve had so many coaching clients ask me about this issue, in fact, that I created this special video to help you address it, in case you’re facing it right now.
In the video, I share with you three key questions to ask yourself that will help you know if you should breakup, or if you should try to work on it.
As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts and takeways in the comments.
Have you faced a difficult breakup? Are you facing one right now? Have you asked yourself these questions before you decided?
I know this can be a sensitive topic, but it’s one that’s so important to all of us.
After all, if your personal relationships aren’t working, how can you let your wild heart run free to pursue everything life has to offer?
I’m looking forward to hearing your responses.
And as always, if you know someone who can use this quick and simple message, please share!
Yay! I <3 the new video format.
Okay… so as you know, I've had some struggles in my relationship. And I've asked all of these questions in various forms. For me, I had a "no" to the first question and a "yes" to the last two questions.
Often, when we've loved the shit out of someone, the reason we hold on to a relationship even through hard times (at least for me) is that I want to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I tried everything in my power.
If I've got a pattern, have I tried doing the opposite? (There's a Sally-ism for ya!) Have I tried expressing all of my love and frustrations to my partner? Did I listen to all of his (or her) love and frustrations? Another Sally-ism: Did I show up in relationship how I would have wanted?
The good news for me is that I can now say "yes" to the first question. For the last couple of months, we've totally turned a corner, and I'm so effing glad I hung on. Thank god I had those two "yes" answers. And you're TOTALLY right that if I had answered "no" to either of the other two questions, we'd have been doomed.
Love you, lady.
Lady…YES!!! I love this post because it’s HONEST! And shows that you CAN work on it if both people want to and you’re both willing to look at your behaviors. Rad.
And I’m so glad that things have ben so amazing.
I absolutely agree about the “wanting to make sure you’ve tried everything first” approach. You’re right…when you really love someone, it’s so important to make sure that you’ve looked under every rock and really been honest about your feelings and your behaviors (as well as encouraging them to do the same) before hastily bailing on the relationship.
Awesome job. You should be a coach or something. :)
This is incredibly useful advice and I wish every young girl could be trained to ask these questions early on. As you were talking, I was scanning through past relationships and realizing that the outcome might have been very different if I had asked these questions at the outset. Thank you so much.
I love the video format too by the way.
Ahhhhh! I’m so glad you like it! And I totally agree. I was scanning my past relationships too and I might have been able to save a couple had I asked these questions…especially the “how can I change?” one. Might have saved me some pain. But live and learn!
Thank you so much for your comment.