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Meet Sally Hope

Motorcycle-riding renegade life coach and leader of the Wildheart Revolution. Loves: Hot-pink lipstick, puns, guns, crosswords, two-steppin', and french manicures.

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I Turned 38 Yesterday (and it’s the first time I said my age on the internet)

It feels so good to be writing to you. Like we have this little corner of the world to connect. I’m sitting here on my couch with a gray (but beautiful) Montana sky, reflecting on…so much.

I’ve never said this out loud before on the internet until now, but I turned 38 yesterday. And with that came a slew of intense feelings.

I’ve never really talked about my age. I always felt like people thought I was younger than I was and I liked that because it made me feel mysterious and desirable.

But as this year has progressed and so many damn things have changed in my life (from my skin, to my body, to my understanding about myself and life, to so many more life lessons) I find myself thinking it’s important to show more of what it’s like to be in THESE phases of life.

Of course it’s easy to share when everything is awesome and you’re on adventures and traveling the world and running a successful business and you feel young and hot, but it’s far more difficult to share when you feel like you’ve lost your footing and don’t know where to go in life and you all of a sudden have wrinkles where you didn’t before.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot these past few years as I had struggled with intense feelings of sadness, feeling lost, and feeling behind in my life.

I started dreading my birthday four months ago anticipating feeling crappy and I decided then that I was going to be in the best shape of my life. What I thought I meant by that was my body. But what I didn’t realize back then was that you don’t get in “shape” by beating yourself or giving yourself impossible goals. You become strong by learning how to truly love yourself and examining those darker places inside that just need a bit more light.

This year, I feel stronger than ever. I’m not the thinnest I’ve ever been. I don’t feel as “attractive” I’ve ever felt in some ways. But I feel the most grounded, real, and emotionally, spiritually, and physically strong than I’ve ever felt. And that feels damn good.

Age is weird. There are so many expectations we feel from different phases of life and not a lot of people talking about the emotional experiences that happen from these phases, and that’s something I’m vowing to do this year.

I’m done hiding parts of myself I don’t think are “perfect” or “attractive.” I’m done feeling like there aren’t a lot of role models for these phases we all go through. I’m done feeling bad comparing myself and my life to the curated ones I see on the internet. And I’m done letting any of this stuff take me out.

I’ve been using a mantra lately that has really helped me, especially as my birthday was coming up which is “I’m not going down like that.”

Whenever I’m stuck or feeling bad or sorry for myself for whatever reason I say out loud “don’t go down like that girl.”

This helps me to pick myself up, be grateful for what I have, and feel strong and at “cause” over my life instead of “effect.” It’s the motivating motto that allowed me to have a perfect birthday and ask for the love and support I needed and allowed me to actually receive that love and support.

So all of this is to say that I’m vowing to make this year incredible and perhaps be a voice of inspiration for you too if you’re feeling like you’re in a difficult phase of life. You don’t have to go down like that either.

Problems will always arise in our lives. We’ll likely always feel somewhat unsatisfied with where we’re at. People leave us. We have tragedy and illness and so many things that are beyond our control. But for the things we can control…let’s not go down like that, shall we?

You are strong and brave and you don’t have to go down like that.

So as a birthday gift, I’d love to hear from you. Does any of this resonate with you? Have you needed the reminder to “not go down like that?” Comment below this post and let me know. Connection is what makes life so sweet. Looking forward to connecting with you more.

Best,

Sally

P.s. Something exciting is in the works but I can’t tell you what yet. I can say that it’s a tangible way to “not go down like that” and it’ll come in perfect time for New Years! Keep an eye out. And make sure you’re on the list to be the fist to know about it. 

“Why you gotta be so mean?”

 

Last night I was watching a live stream from a well known blogger. She’s smart. She’s gorgeous. She works hard. And she’s accomplished. Ever the fan of “makeover” stories where people show commitment and determination to get from “Undesirable Point A” to “Desirable Point B,” I was getting sucked into her story: depressed goth girl who cuts herself and has an eating disorder turned radical self-love pioneer who finds personal success, happiness, and loves her life. #awesome

My reactions were pretty typical in this setting, from “You go girl!” to “Well done for working hard!” to feeling inspired by her capacity to turn it all around, but as I was reading the live comments under the post, I noticed how mean they were. They criticized her accent, her outfit, saying that her words don’t even matter and as I was thinking about this, I said out loud…

“Why do people have to be so mean?”

And it was a legitimate question in my mind, as though I honestly didn’t know the answer.

But then it occurred to me that I DID know the answer.

And I knew it really well. Because that used to be me. In high school I used to be a “mean girl.” Critical, judgmental, and cruel. I’d make fun of people for anything and everything. I’d always point out the negative. My motto was “life sucks and then you die.” I manipulated and controlled situations and probably made people’s lives a living hell. All of this saddens me.

It’s strange how much I’ve forgotten this side of myself as almost 20 years have passed and my ultra sensitive, gentle self has come out from hiding, where she went 20 years ago when life got really dark, hard, confusing, painful and traumatic. And all I knew how to do was harden, avoid, distract and spew the sadness in my heart onto other people.

And so when I was thinking about this, I knew how to answer the question, “Why do people have to be so mean?”

People are mean because they are hurting.

They are critical and judgmental of themselves and so they will be judgmental and critical of you. They expect perfection from themselves so they expect perfection from you. They are unhappy. Or feel stuck. Or have emotions they don’t know how to handle and so they take it out on you and the world and make shitty comments on the internet for no good reason.

They do it because it makes them feel powerful and better than you because they don’t inherently feel valuable, worthy and good. They do it to feel like they have some kind of control in their lives or something to prove. They do it because they don’t realize the impact they’re having and they don’t think it’s a big deal. And they do it because deep down they don’t love themselves so they can’t love you. And instead, have to be mean. I know this because I WAS this.

I recently had a situation where I was reminded of this. I was feeling criticized and belittled and small. And it was really easy for me, in those moments, to feel bad about myself and go into a spiral of negative self talk. Feeling unworthy of love, but grasping for it like an addict trying to cover up the pain.

But then I remembered something important…that most of time, when people treat you badly, it isn’t about you. But rather it’s a reflection of something inside themselves they aren’t addressing.

Our behaviors come from somewhere. They aren’t arbitrary. And often they come from our past traumatic experiences and our own suffering and pain. It reminds me of a lyric from my old band that says, “I never met a madman who didn’t have a cause, and I never met a pervert who didn’t have a broken heart.” Check out the song right here:

But even given that the way people treat us comes from somewhere, and we can be empathetic, we also still have a choice. We can either let it keep happening, or we can stop it. We can engage it, or we can ignore it. We can internalize it, or we can remove ourselves from it.

We can stay in “Undesirable Point A,” or we can try to get to “Desirable Point B” by pointing all our decisions towards B. Like the well-known blogger from the live stream who made a choice that NO MORE was she going to live how she previously lived. Like I did by standing up for myself to say that I won’t tolerate that kind of treatment. And like so many other decisions (big and small) we make constantly that help us be where we want to be in life.

And choice is everything.

Whether you’re being the “mean girl” right now, or you’re the victim of cruelty, you have a choice to turn it all around.

It only takes one decision and a desire to be different.

If you’re currently the mean girl, ask yourself, “what am I feeling about myself and my life right now that could be contributing to this?”

If you’re currently the victim of cruelty, ask yourself, “In what ways can I love myself and stand up for myself right now?”

Today, I’m choosing to love myself and love others to the best of my ability. And to know in myself when I’m being cruel. And to be aware of when my own pain is being used to hurt others. How about you?

None of us are perfect, and we will make mistakes. Sometimes we’ll be mean and cruel and sometimes we’ll be loving and kind.

But the best thing we can do is see the places of darkness inside ourselves and strive to bring in more light.

And we can prevent our own light from being dampened by outside negative forces. And to me, that’s what it means to live wildheart.

As you know, discussion is my favorite part of this blog, so I’d love to hear from you.

In the comments below let me know:  

  1. Have you ever been on either side of this coin? Have you been the “mean girl/guy”? Have you been the victim of cruelty?
  2. What is one thing in your life right now you want to turn around?

And if you liked this article, please feel free to “like” and share it by hitting the share buttons at the top of this page. And if you want to be on the inside of Wildheart, being the first to know when new and exciting things happen (plus getting my free meditation about creating your ideal future) make sure you’re on the list.

XO

Sally

When you want to hide (but don’t do it…do this instead)

A couple weeks ago I *thought* I got pink eye. It turns out it was a stye, which I thought would be better, except of course that my stye turned into what looks like a giant whitehead zit/huge bee sting on my eyelid.

And from the way I’ve been acting and feeling about it, you’d think that I committed the most shameful sin.

Meaning…I’ve been more-than-embarrassed. And I’ve been wanting to hide myself behind sunglasses, or stay at home, or not see any of my friends, and definitely not meet the family of a very cute guy.

And as I’ve been dealing with this for the past couple weeks, I’ve been faced with something that I didn’t realize was really present for me…which is that I care A LOT about what other people think.

I’ve distilled it down to what my main concern is, which is…

“What will people think of me when they see this?”

I imagine that what they might think is that I’m gross. Or that I’m defected. Or that maybe this is just my eye and then they’ll feel bad for me to have to go through life with a giant whitehead on my eyeball. I imagine that they’ll be uncomfortable looking at me. Or not want to look at me at all. Or that they’ll make fun of me when I turn around. I imagine that they’ll think I’m contagious and not want to hug me.

And I imagine that I’ll feel invisible, less worthy, less attractive, and more of a burden. In general.

I didn’t expect these complex emotions to arise, simply from a silly little stye but they did. And it made me think so much about life in general. And perfectionism. And perhaps an epidemic that is just lying under the surface for us all, or right in front of our (stye-filled) eyes…

Which is that we all hold ourselves up to such an impossible standard, that we set up a system for ourselves where we’re never enough.

When we have something that we consider to be a “blemish” or “not acceptable” or something that someone might judge us about, we want to hide and avoid. And we feel less important, desirable, or worthy.

This has happened to me in other areas of my life, like when I’ve gained weight, felt depressed, felt confused in life, not been creating anything I deem as amazing, I don’t feel beautiful or attractive, I’m not in the “stage of life” I feel like I should be in compared to others, and a whole slew of other scenarios.

And in all these scenarios in the past or present, I want to hide what’s happening, not go out, and definitely not tell people.

They are all variations of hiding myself so that I don’t have to face what someone else might think of my situation, or what I, deep down think of myself.

Which simply, is that if I’m not perfect, or acting in a way I deem to be acceptable, I’m not worthy of being in the world or being loved. (not literally…don’t worry).

I’ve noticed my desire to hide a lot the last couple weeks. I haven’t wanted to deal with my assumptions about what someone else might think of my eye. So that I don’t make them uncomfortable by having to look at it. So I don’t put them in that awkward situation of having to deal with my imperfection. So I don’t have to feel like an outcast.

And in these moments I realized how much of a perfectionist I am, and the ridiculously high and impossible standard I hold myself up to. I mean…if I can’t even get a stye, which literally has nothing to do with me, without feeling like I’m worth less, then what does that mean for the rest of my life and what does that mean for all of our lives? What does that mean when I make a mistake? Or accidentally hurt someone I care about? Or make a wrong move? Or show the depth of my emotions and feel like maybe I revealed too much?

It means that none of it is acceptable and should be grounds for “hiding.” But what I’ve been noticing is that when you hide your stye (or any other life blemish) you also hide your light.

Because you can’t both hide and also shine.

And then I wondered how many things in all of our lives we do this with. How many times we shy away from something or someone because we don’t think we’re “ready” or “right” or “good enough.” How many times we don’t start dating or start businesses until we’ve lost weight or learned more. How many times we miss opportunities for connection, or for deepening our love and acceptance for ourselves simply because we’re embarrassed of who we are or what’s going on with us. How many times we turn down our “shine” because we decide to hide instead.

I think way more than I ever realized. And that makes me sad for us all.

It sounds really silly but this little stye has taught me a lot.

It has taught me to (at least try to):

  • Accept myself even when I’m not “perfect”
  • Show myself to people even when I don’t feel “perfect”
  • Have honest conversations about my insecurities with my loved ones (including a conversation where I pre-empted a hang with a friend I haven’t seen in years by saying “I just have to tell you, I have a big stye on my eye and I feel super self conscious about that! Just wanted to put it out there!”
  • Not worry so much about what other people think of me
  • Not hide myself

And even though it’s only been two weeks, I feel like it’s an experience we can all learn from. I imagine that you too have some metaphorical “styes.” That you too have some areas of yourself or your life that you feel embarrassed about or want to hide.

And if you do, I hope this acts as a reminder that no matter what is going on and where you’re at in your life, you are worthy of being loved and accepted.

And also…that the world needs your shine. The more real people we have in the world, the less we all feel so alone with our “imperfections.” And really…I want to be at THAT party. With you. And your stye and whatever else you have going on.

In my mind I just went to a virtual party where everyone shows up with a “Hi My Name Is…” sticker but instead it says “Hi, My Insecurity Today Is….”

And then I giggled thinking about what a conversation starter that would be. And how fun that would be to be honest and witness other people doing the same. And how much opportunity we’d have to connect. SOOOOO…if you want to play, in the comments below fill in the blank, “Hi, My Insecurity Today Is_________” and then follow it up with one thing you love about yourself.

I’ll go first…

“My Insecurity Today is my stye in my eye and one thing I love about myself is that I have a kind and tender heart.”

Now you go. I can’t wait to hear from you in the comments below. And if you know someone that needs to read these words, please feel free to “like” and “share” by clicking the buttons on the side of this page or copy/pasting the URL. Let’s all shine anyway. 

Your partner in crime,

Sally

P.s. All the best stuff happens first over on my list so if you’re not already on it, make sure you pop your little namesy and email addressy right over HERE

When you lose your shit over something minor

I am sitting here in my guest bedroom. The room I have deemed ripe for creativity today. Trying to finish this post, which I started days ago.

This post was to be the one to explain where the heck I’ve been and why my experiences from the last three years have taken me out of the blogging/business game completely.

I had a nice little story about how seeing my old rock n roll friend Jimmy last week reminded me of who I was, when for the past three years I had forgotten.

But I couldn’t finish the letter, and I got distracted because honestly…I was in a bad mood when I wrote this. (I cringe admitting this…just saying). Nothing super specific happened really. Just a few things strung together that gives me that general low-grade feeling of things not being that great, even though on the surface, literally nothing had changed since the day before when I felt awesome about life and like I had it all figured out.

And then I reached out to some friends to pump me up and they don’t do it right which sent me into my next tantrum. (*I’m using “tantrum” for dramatic effect. It was more like an eye roll, turning my phone to silent, and semi-aggressively throwing it onto the foot of the bed).

And then I realize that I’m tired. And I STILL have pink eye, which seems so ridiculous because…WHO GETS PINK EYE that isn’t in pre-school!? And then the soap fell out of the dish and onto the floor in the shower and I lose my shit.

When I first started my blog, I decided pretty early on to share honest things with you. Things that I was going through in life, which then made me realize that these were things we ALL go through in life.

And if we started having conversations about this, none of us would feel so alone and broken in what we assume is our own private hell of (assumed) craziness and complex emotions.

Through this sharing, we learned that we all have moments where we lose our shit because the soap fell out of the soap dish in the shower. Or cry when the person you like doesn’t like you back. Or when your ex has a new awesome girlfriend. Or when you STILL don’t know what to do with your life.

We are all messy and all over the place, but we don’t know that because none of us talk about it.

We’re too afraid to. We’re too afraid that other people might find out that we’re messy and all over the place, and in order to keep our perfection game going strong, we all just give a watered down version of what’s really going on.

And that’s what my last letter was. I mean…it wasn’t a LIE. It was all true and it’s what I wanted to say, but it wasn’t the MOST true thing today as I’m lying here typing this from my guest bedroom. The most true thing is what I’m saying now.

But my intention is still the same…to explain how much I’ve missed sharing stories about life with you. And how much I’ve missed hearing your stories in return. How much I’ve missed giggling about the soap dish which literally doesn’t matter five minutes after it mattered the most. And how much I’ve missed THIS.

Words on the page that connect us as human beings having these wild human experiences.

The last few years really sent me into a dark and hard place, which I will be sharing more about as I get my writing mojo back (someone please give me a better word for mojo…like seriously…it’s kind of the worst) but the bottom line is that I didn’t write because the honest things that were happening, were things I didn’t feel like I could share, for various reasons. And they felt private and somewhat shameful to me. I was embarrassed.

But…I’ve learned A LOT these past few years. Even though I haven’t been blogging, I have been writing, learning, reading, getting support and help through this tough time, and growing. I have learned a lot and am finally inching back into the light and have some things to share.

And I am coming home to myself. And a big part of that is coming home to you. You will be hearing from me more.

Stories connect us. And connection leads to a full heart. And a full heart lets us knowing we’re not alone. I need it just as much as you do. And so I’m recommitting to honesty. Won’t you come along again for the ride?

As always, I love hearing from you. Please comment below if any part of this resonated with you. If so, share which part and one takeaway.

Looking forward to hearing more of your stories,

Sally

P.s. Look for a fresh new blog post next week. It may or may not involve a banjo, running through the sprinklers, and what to do with your innate gifts in this world.

P.p.s. I already told my list about this. And I tend to give them the insider info. Wanna be in on the secrets first? Join us HERE

Because we want “This is Us” not “Singles”

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I have a very important question! :)

Do you ever walk into the grocery store at this time of year, and see all the heart balloons and chocolates displayed for Valentine’s Day and say to yourself “OH F YOU!” not because you hate love, but because you love love, which makes you sad because your current relationship status looks more like an episode of “Singles” or “Married with Children” than “This is Us”?

If you said yes…you are not alone. Studies show that 6 out of 10 couples are unhappy in their relationships, and 8 out of 10 singles feel discouraged in finding someone.

Valentine’s Day tends to bring up a lot for a lot of us. Pressure, sadness, feeling left out, and being reminded of the state of your less than ideal relationship status.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Through my training in Kundalini Yoga, I learned about a concept that shocked me. The idea is that we tend to store our past relationships (and any experiences, pains, or trauma from them) in our aura.

And since the aura is also the place where we project out into the world who we are and what we want, if we don’t clear some of those past partners or experiences, we’re likely to keep attracting similar people and situations into our lives.

You see this when you keep having the same fight over and over again. Or when your current partner acts a lot like your last partner in a lot of ways.

I believe that we can change all of this. And spend the month of February clearing out anything holding us back from having the relationship we truly want and envisioning what that is, and I created the perfect 28 Day Challenge to do just that.

In LOVE DETOX: Clearing The Past & Creating The Future, we will:

  • Break down what the heck happened in your last relationship/s that caused any residual pain and release it
  • Heal any wounds left over by love (romantic, family, friend, work relationships)
  • Envision your ideal future relationship (with a SUPER potent and killer worksheet created by Love Coach, Natalie Vartanian that has led to multiple relationships and marriages)
  • Manifest what we truly want and trust we’re in exactly the right place to get it

I know…sounds pretty awesome, right?

Here’s how it’ll go down:

  • Four weeks.
  • Four meditations (that we’ll do daily and each is 11 mins or less).
  • Two (in-depth and life-changing) worksheets.
  • Daily Check-In Posts
  • Daily Journal Prompts
  • Weekly Live Streaming Q & A chats with me
  • Private Facebook Group for discussion

All for less money than the takeout you and your friends ordered to binge watch “Jane The Virgin.”

BUT early bird pricing ends on the 24th, so don’t wait.

This is perfect for you if…

  • You crave an amazing relationship
  • You stay up at night worrying that you’ll you’ll be alone forever
  • You feel like you keep picking partners that aren’t right for you
  • You feel like you just can’t shake your last (or many previous) relationship
  • Your current relationship leaves a little (or a lot to be desired)
  • You long to stop feeling like you’re in “relationship jail” with someone you know isn’t right for you

If any of this resonates with you, make sure you check out all the details here and get in on the limited Early Bird spots because who wants to spend another Valentine’s Day talking yourself out of being sad about it. Instead, we can DO something about it. And I believe this is the thing to do.

So I have a request.

The request is that if this interests you even just a little bit, that you go on over to the page and read all the details and see if 2017 is going to be the year you find your person (or make your relationship with your current person better).

We sometimes get scared of making changes in our lives, but I truly believe that if something piques your interest, it might be the exact thing you need right now.

Let’s find out.

I still love love! Do you?

Sally

Wildheart Revolution