In my last email we talked about burning it all down so you can rise from the ashes as the person you’ve always wanted to be…the person you were meant to be before the traumas of life made you someone else. And this week I was thinking about the aftermath of that. What happens after the fire?

Once you walk down that path, things in life start to line up to corroborate that decision. Friendships dissolve or they change, and lifelong beliefs about yourself and your life can start to disappear, which is my favorite part of change. The time is now.

I’ve always been an intense and complex person. I feel things deeply. I tend to find myself in situations that are on really extreme sides of the spectrum, no matter what I do in my life. Extreme highs and extreme lows. I’d like to blame this on my Scorpio-ness. :)

But I’ve learned in my life to view these things about myself as “too much.” That my darkness as well as my brightest light is hard for people to handle. And so I dimmed them both to create a more middle ground that folks are more comfortable with. But this makes me feel alone. And not seen. And it doesn’t allow anyone to really know me.

I’m imagining you have your own version of this. You might not do the extreme Scorpio thing, but I imagine that you’ve learned that however you are, how you naturally do things, how you naturally want to respond to situations isn’t enough or it isn’t right.

You’ve probably had partners or friends reflect this back to you. Where you leave feeling not enough. You learn that the way you do things is wrong. And so you try to change to please these either real or imagined people who you see as judging you. And you get dim too. And your creativity fades. And your “cosmic twinkle” (as my pediatrician dad used to call that spark that you’re born with) disappears.

When people talk about self-love, they usually talk about it in terms of “putting yourself first” and “self-care” like taking more time for yourself via bubble baths a mimosas with the girls, and while I’m a fan of all of those things, the way it’s usually talked about doesn’t have enough depth for me.

The way I see self-love is about getting your cosmic twinkle back. About knowing who you are deep down and truly and unwaveringly accepting that person. About showing the world THAT light. About not telling yourself you’re bad or wrong for being who you are, but instead honoring, cherishing and devoting your life to loving that person like you would to a child or your very best friend in the world.

And when you come from this place, you make good decisions for yourself, you set better boundaries, you go deep with the people that deserve it and you turn away from those that don’t. You don’t give yourself away. You know when to say yes and when to say no to people and situations and you don’t question that or look back.

This is what happens after the fire.

But hardly any of us know how to actually do this. Especially not when the loop is going on in our minds about how “too much” or “not enough” we are. But I’ve found a way to lay down the sword. To bow before ourselves as the magnificent beings we are. It’s a practice, like anything else, but it works. And that is exactly what I will be spending 40 days working on.

I’ve mentioned in previous emails that I’m putting together a new meditation challenge this month and while I can’t give you the details right now (it’s coming on Monday though so stay tuned) know that it has depth and will help you burn down anything that isn’t total love and devotion to you and yourself. I believe that self-love (or lack thereof) is at the root of most, if not all, our problems. I know you’re thinking “but what about…..” and I’m going to talk about this next week.

Whether or not you join us for the meditation is up to you and even if you can’t, I wanted to give you something you can do on your own to start down this path. It isn’t the meditation we’re doing for the next 40 days, but it is one that helps to put you in the place of changing the conversation about your value and worth. It’s super easy. Here’s how you do it:

1) Come into a comfortable seated or lying down position

2) Place your hands where they feel the most comfortable (on your knees, on your heart, in your lap)

3) Close your eyes and breathe long and deep

4) Think about something in your life that this email applies too…where are you not totally loving and honoring yourself? Where are you letting other people or your negative thoughts change how you feel about yourself. Where do you want to feel differently in your life? Put that in your minds eye.

5) Put on this song and sing along (it will totally make you cry…99% guaranteed)

6) Come back here and let me know how it goes. Did you try it? I want to know about it. Did you cry? :) Post a comment and let me know.

It’s only five minutes. Give that to yourself today. And mark your calendar for Monday when the cart for the next meditation challenge will be open, where you can learn to never let anyone or any thought mess with you again. Promise.

You ready to fly?

Thought so.

Sally