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What To Do About The Fact That Change Is Hard

What to do about the fact that change is hard

I am currently curled up in a ball on the floor, bawling. Uncontrollable tears. Sadness. Feelings of loss. Abandonment. I can barely breathe. And it’s moments like these that I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself.

I am in one of those phases (and I KNOW you know which one I’m talking about) where my heart feels exposed. Tender. Scared. Raw. Broken. And tired.

Things are not working out the way I wanted them to. Things I thought were a given…aren’t seemingly that way.

And as I’ve been feeling all of these intense emotions, there is a really important lesson that has been blaring on my speakers for awhile now. Not just from tonight. But it’s been a long time coming.

I honestly don’t know why this lesson keeps being a surprise to me. It is the only thing we know for sure. The ONLY thing we can actually count on.

Which is that…THINGS CHANGE.

It’s human nature to want things to stay the same. We actually and actively hold on so tightly and try to create an illusion of stability, but the truth is that everything is up in the air. Always. 100% of the time, 100% of life is unknown. (YES…100%).

Every time I tell this to a client, they say “um…no…not ONE HUNDRED percent” and I say “YES. 100%. Let me give you an example.”

So…let’s say you KNOW for sure you are going to get on a call with your client in ten minutes. It’s on the calendar. It’s happening. For sure. Well…you go into the bathroom and you drop your phone in the toilet. No phone. No call.

Everything is like this. You could think you’re getting bread at the grocery store and they could be out. You could think you have brown hair, and then it starts turning grey.

All of this is to say that even things we think are true and a fact, aren’t.

And the more we want things to stay the same, the less happy we are with life, in general. (TWEET THIS!)

I’ve been thinking about this A LOT lately.

Everything in my life is changing at once it seems. From the big to the small.

Two of my good friends here moved away. My relationship is changing to an unrecognizable entity. The parking lot that is used for my building got sold…no more parking for me. My band is no longer playing. My body isn’t what it used to be (I mean no duh, but still).

My relationships with friends in my life are changing. Hell even my business is really different than it’s ever been and it keeps changing, seemingly on a daily basis. That friend that has always been there, left. My body even reacts differently to certain foods, seemingly overnight. My good friend just found out he has cancer.

And when all of these changes happen, it’s easy to get upset. To ask “why is this happening? Why me? Why now? What did I do to deserve this?”

And I think the answer is way more simple than we think. The answer is “because that’s the nature of life.” (also known as “that’s the way the cookie crumbles.”)

People come and go. We move. Things begin. Things end. We’re healthy and then we get sick and then we’re healthy again. We’re in love and then we’re not in love anymore. Loved ones die. That guy that said he’d always be there for you, isn’t anymore. And so on and so on.

So…this leaves me to the “solution.” Which I know is what you’re really looking for. And I am too. As a lifelong seeker, I’m always looking to crack the code. I get excited trying to figure out how to navigate life better.

And with this one, when I found the answer, I found it really challenging to implement.

Because the answer to the “everything changes” problem, is to do your very best and enjoy the moments, as much as you possibly can, right now.

Carpe the hell outta your diem, if you will. (TWEET THIS!)

  •  Make decisions that suit you and feel good right now.
  • Love the people in your life so much…right now.
  • Appreciate what you have right now.
  • Give yourself a break.
  • Try not to think too much about what may or may not happen in the future.
  • Don’t hold back.
  • Laugh hard.
  • Smile a lot.
  • Hug your friends.
  • Kiss passionately and frequently.
  • Tell people you love them and mean it.
  • Take the risk.
  • Speak your truth.
  • Do the very best you can.
  • Squeeze tighter.
  • Love more.

Right now.

Because as sure as day is day, this moment will pass. And there will be a new moment to love.

I honestly wished I would have enjoyed my moments more, looking back. And if I have one regret, it’s that.

Enjoy love. Don’t resist. Surrender your heart. Open it up. Because at some point, things might change and you might find yourself a sobbing mess on the floor, and will have wished that you enjoyed those adventures more.

I don’t like change just as much as the next guy. I used to go kicking and screaming anytime it came (un-welcomed) into my space.

But now, I just head to a mountain and cry and cry. Or to the middle of my bedroom floor.

Because even though change is hard, resisting change is a lot harder. (TWEET THIS!)

And more painful. And just because things are bound to change. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.

I could easily tell you here about “one door closing and another one opening” but I’m not going to.

Because sometimes, sitting in the uncomfortable and sad feelings is the point.

I hope you are loving this moment. Even if it’s a hard, sad or complex one. And if so, you can come cry on my mountain with me. And we can hug. And nod. And agree that change is hard. And we’ll accept that. And embrace that. And then let out a big exhale of relief.

My face is puffy and salty. I haven’t cried like this in years. Honestly, all I know how to do is call my friends and look at my red, puffy, scrunched up face in the mirror and be proud that I have the courage to feel the depth of my emotions.

I bet you’re the same. And I’m proud of you too.

See you at the peak,
Sally

P.s. Go tell someone you love, that you love them.

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30 Responses to What To Do About The Fact That Change Is Hard

  1. Wow, this one really resonates!

    First off, part of me wants to say, “Aw honey, I’m so sorry you were crumpled on the floor last night!” But then, another part of me knows that you welcome the depth of emotion, so there’s no need for me to feel sad about it. I *am* sorry about your friend, the one who got cancer. F*ck, that sucks.

    For me, I’ve been having some similar emotions, probably on a smaller scale. I *intentionally* changed my life – left my boyfriend, quit my job, moved out west – yet for some reason, I’m the one who feels abandoned. I mourn for the friends who don’t reach out to me as much as I reach out to them, for the loss of my old routines and my old healthy habits, for my old life.

    And I do it all SIMULTANEOUSLY as I celebrate how much I love this new life I’ve helped create.

    It’s all so complicated!

    Anyway, thank you for the post. Sending love your way.

    <3
    sara

    • Sally Hope says:

      Oh my gosh RE abandonment. YES. That is always how it has shown up for me. Something doesn’t go right, I leave, and if they (whoever) doesn’t chase after me, I feel abandoned.

      I think what I’m learning with that is to be at choice. To come from a place of love and personal power and own my own decisions and really stand behind them. I can’t blame someone else anymore, unfortunately.

      I agree too that it’s so complicated. But I view seekers this way. Life IS more complicated because we’re willing to look at it and look inside.

      So cheers to seeking! Thank you so so much for your sweet comment.

      • jim russo says:

        Wow Sally. Seems like you answered your own question. Abandoment-it’s deep stuff, and many lifetimes worth. As long as you don’t abandon yourself, you can’t be abandoned. And, that’s the ultimate gift to bring in intimate relationship…

        So here’s to new beginnings on the New Moon!!!

  2. Doug says:

    Ah, yes, those sound like all the symptoms of becoming a grownup. As the Buddha said, “Life is unreliable.” Being with that, I think, offers the chance to more deeply experience the exquisite sweetness of life–even the tragedy of losing a parking space.

  3. Melinda says:

    Loved this post, Sally! Man, it really resonated with me. I remember a time ( in my early to mid twenties of course) where I felt like I thrived in change. I moved around the world at the drop of a hat…chasing adventure after adventure. That was a time before smartphones or the popularity of facebook so I’m just left with some amazing memories of the girl I once was. Now married, building my business, and buying a condo I feel my life has changed so drastically. What I’ve recently realized though is that I haven’t lost adventure in my life…I’ve merely moved on to a different adventure. I love your “to do…right now” list as it is a simple, to the point reminder of what we should be doing everyday. Thanks for writing this and have a beautiful day!
    By the by…I’m always available for a good cry on a mountain :)

    • Sally Hope says:

      Hey lady…oh I TOTALLY hear you about new adventures. My “adventurous” self used to look A LOT different. Adventure is still a huge value to me too, the flavor of it is just different.

      I’m so glad you enjoyed the list. I’m doing it, right there with you sister.

  4. Sally, one of the big lessons I learned in one of my down periods was that Despair and Strength are flip sides of the same coin. As we go through life we are met with new challenges, some of them not pretty. Without getting into detail, I learned that the tough spot that I was in was unpleasant but that I had enough strength to get out of it. A strong knowing in me highlighted the fact that I had enough strength to get to that point and despite how bleak things seemed, I was equipped with everything I needed (wisdom, strength, etc) to learn what I needed. So with change, loss, and uncertainty, know that there is also strength, support, and opportunity available to you. It may not be visible but it is still there. Ask the universe, spirit, angels, guardians, etc. for assistance and try to be open to what comes your way.

    • Sally Hope says:

      I could not agree with you more. And it’s funny you mention guardians and angels. Literally, that night. I took two different crystals. One in each hand. And in my teary sobs I asked, out loud, for support and guidance. I am open.

      Thank you so much for the reminder and thank you for your wise wise words. I appreciate you.

  5. Sarah says:

    I feel ya! I’m getting ready to move across the country in three weeks and I did the exact same thing a couple days ago. So much stuff to do all at once, selling my little house, leaving my friends and family. I was feeling all the feels big time and straight lost my mind. Sometimes the only way to deal is to cry it out. Hope you feel like you’re back on track soon <333

    • Sally Hope says:

      Hey Sarah,

      WOW!! That is A LOT of big stuff all at once. Amazing. And yet, even though you mentioned crying, I actually get a really grounded and solid feeling from your post. Perhaps it’s happening at exactly the right time. Congrats for the new chapter in your life!

  6. Wow, wow, wow. Yes. This. All of it. Thank you XOXOXOXO xx

  7. Zoe says:

    Sally,

    When I saw the “subject” of your email about this blog post, I instinctively wanted to hug you. And we are miles away from each other (I’m in the UK), but know that I am sending you the biggest hug ever.

    I totally agree….change is difficult. But change is life. One of my favourite quotes (I believe it’s based on a Buddhist teaching), has really helped me get through changes:

    “Everything that exists is changeable. If it isn’t changeable, it doesn’t exist”.

    Its always reminded me that I exist. My life exists. And that that, in itself, is a beautiful thing.

    Also, I watched this totally amazeballs Ted talk yesterday that blew my mind. Being Vulnerable is also BEAUTIFUL! Who knew?!

    https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability

    Sending you so much strength and bundles of joyful acceptance!
    With love and gratitude for opening your heart to us,
    Zoe xx

    • Sally Hope says:

      Hey Zoe…thank you so much for the hug. I feel it. :)

      And YES!!! I ADORE BRENE BROWN and all her work. I wholeheartedly agree with her and the teachings. Thank you so much for sending that along.

      Sending you love right back.

  8. Sofia says:

    My dearest sweet soul sister. Even though we are only internet friends, i’ve always felt that I know you and through that knowing, I try to wildheart my way through life just as much as I can each day.

    It seems from reading this post, that I’m not the only one going through yet another dark night of the soul…it’s comforting to read these words and know that we are not alone. I’m going through it too and my life seems completely upside down and so i wanted to thank you for sharing this because it’s a reminder we all need.

    PS: my eyes are red and puffy right now too.
    yours in puffiness and wildhearting,
    xox
    Sofia

    • Sally Hope says:

      “Yours in puffiness and wildhearting”

      I love that so so much. :)

      And you’re so right. We are not alone. These are universal and common feelings. I’m so sorry you’re going through it too.

      Puffy faces, unite.

  9. Melissa says:

    Sally, I LOVE this post! It definitely resonated with me. I just lost two people in my life (grandfather and best friend) to cancer. They died one day apart. Now I’m laid up for 6 weeks with a fractured foot. Then I had some strange business + life occurrences that I never have to deal with. I keep thinking – “what else could go wrong?” But, you’re right. Thing’s change. I feel like the universe is forcing me to slow down. Wayyyy down. (like literally, sit on my butt for weeks and read erotic fiction + binge watch Gossip Girl slowing down.) Thank you for this post and I’m so sorry about your friend. I don’t have the right words, so I’ll just send you some love + sparkles.

    • Sally Hope says:

      Hey lil lady…oh my gosh I’m so so sorry to hear about your grandfather and friend. I know there is nothing I can say to make it better but know that I’m sending you lots and lot of love.

      And as to slowing down, I hear you. It usually takes something major to force me to do tht too and I always look at it like a message from the universe. I love your plan of binge reading and gossip girl…can I come over? :)

  10. Natanya says:

    Love love this, Sally… I’ve sooo been in this place this week, knowing that the changes bring a new adventure, but not wanting to face them.

    Once I remembered to just be with the sadness (as you say), there was relief in the tears. It’s good to have the awareness that change is inevitable, and it’s good also to allow for the sadness in the change, another way of embracing the authenticity of the present moment.

    Sending gratitude for the synchronicity ~ this post, just when I needed to remember that I’m not alone in this ~<3~

    • Sally Hope says:

      Hey Natanya…

      YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

      And I agree completely. There is some kind of relief in the tears after awhile. For me…this time was a total hyperventilating I-don’t-know-what-to-do kind of sob session. I cried and cried and cried and almost through a plate at the wall. I laid on the floor. I literally punched a pillow. I call two friends. And the next day…calm.

      Still sad, but it felt completely different.

      Sending you gratitude right back. Thank you so much for your comment.

  11. Gemma says:

    This is beautiful and worth remembering. Its so true to my life right now! Sending love and hope!

  12. Anne says:

    I love this post! So refreshingly honest and real. I am sorry you are going through painful times right now! I also have things falling apart so that they can fit back together in a better way than I could ever imagine. I’ll be including you in my new moon ceremony tomorrow, sending you love and light!

    • Sally Hope says:

      Hey there Anne…oh thank you so much for including me in your ceremony. I’m so curious! What does that entail?? And I hear you about things working out even if they feel hard right now. That has been the case every time in the past and I trust that it’s the case now. Until then…tears. :)

      Thank yu so much for your message.

  13. Amy says:

    Thank you so much for this! I don’t feel so alone now. I too a going through huge changes. One being the end of a 3 yr relationship and then my “bff” who has always been there has not really been there for me through this. I really appreciated connecting with your post.

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  15. Theresa D'Ambrose says:

    I love this Sally ;)) We fight to hang on, and we fight to let go. Thanks for the gentle and loving articulation of my favorite topic… it fascinates me daily (which commonly comes with lots of crying too!) xo

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