What to do about the fact that change is hard

I am currently curled up in a ball on the floor, bawling. Uncontrollable tears. Sadness. Feelings of loss. Abandonment. I can barely breathe. And it’s moments like these that I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself.

I am in one of those phases (and I KNOW you know which one I’m talking about) where my heart feels exposed. Tender. Scared. Raw. Broken. And tired.

Things are not working out the way I wanted them to. Things I thought were a given…aren’t seemingly that way.

And as I’ve been feeling all of these intense emotions, there is a really important lesson that has been blaring on my speakers for awhile now. Not just from tonight. But it’s been a long time coming.

I honestly don’t know why this lesson keeps being a surprise to me. It is the only thing we know for sure. The ONLY thing we can actually count on.

Which is that…THINGS CHANGE.

It’s human nature to want things to stay the same. We actually and actively hold on so tightly and try to create an illusion of stability, but the truth is that everything is up in the air. Always. 100% of the time, 100% of life is unknown. (YES…100%).

Every time I tell this to a client, they say “um…no…not ONE HUNDRED percent” and I say “YES. 100%. Let me give you an example.”

So…let’s say you KNOW for sure you are going to get on a call with your client in ten minutes. It’s on the calendar. It’s happening. For sure. Well…you go into the bathroom and you drop your phone in the toilet. No phone. No call.

Everything is like this. You could think you’re getting bread at the grocery store and they could be out. You could think you have brown hair, and then it starts turning grey.

All of this is to say that even things we think are true and a fact, aren’t.

And the more we want things to stay the same, the less happy we are with life, in general. (TWEET THIS!)

I’ve been thinking about this A LOT lately.

Everything in my life is changing at once it seems. From the big to the small.

Two of my good friends here moved away. My relationship is changing to an unrecognizable entity. The parking lot that is used for my building got sold…no more parking for me. My band is no longer playing. My body isn’t what it used to be (I mean no duh, but still).

My relationships with friends in my life are changing. Hell even my business is really different than it’s ever been and it keeps changing, seemingly on a daily basis. That friend that has always been there, left. My body even reacts differently to certain foods, seemingly overnight. My good friend just found out he has cancer.

And when all of these changes happen, it’s easy to get upset. To ask “why is this happening? Why me? Why now? What did I do to deserve this?”

And I think the answer is way more simple than we think. The answer is “because that’s the nature of life.” (also known as “that’s the way the cookie crumbles.”)

People come and go. We move. Things begin. Things end. We’re healthy and then we get sick and then we’re healthy again. We’re in love and then we’re not in love anymore. Loved ones die. That guy that said he’d always be there for you, isn’t anymore. And so on and so on.

So…this leaves me to the “solution.” Which I know is what you’re really looking for. And I am too. As a lifelong seeker, I’m always looking to crack the code. I get excited trying to figure out how to navigate life better.

And with this one, when I found the answer, I found it really challenging to implement.

Because the answer to the “everything changes” problem, is to do your very best and enjoy the moments, as much as you possibly can, right now.

Carpe the hell outta your diem, if you will. (TWEET THIS!)

  •  Make decisions that suit you and feel good right now.
  • Love the people in your life so much…right now.
  • Appreciate what you have right now.
  • Give yourself a break.
  • Try not to think too much about what may or may not happen in the future.
  • Don’t hold back.
  • Laugh hard.
  • Smile a lot.
  • Hug your friends.
  • Kiss passionately and frequently.
  • Tell people you love them and mean it.
  • Take the risk.
  • Speak your truth.
  • Do the very best you can.
  • Squeeze tighter.
  • Love more.

Right now.

Because as sure as day is day, this moment will pass. And there will be a new moment to love.

I honestly wished I would have enjoyed my moments more, looking back. And if I have one regret, it’s that.

Enjoy love. Don’t resist. Surrender your heart. Open it up. Because at some point, things might change and you might find yourself a sobbing mess on the floor, and will have wished that you enjoyed those adventures more.

I don’t like change just as much as the next guy. I used to go kicking and screaming anytime it came (un-welcomed) into my space.

But now, I just head to a mountain and cry and cry. Or to the middle of my bedroom floor.

Because even though change is hard, resisting change is a lot harder. (TWEET THIS!)

And more painful. And just because things are bound to change. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.

I could easily tell you here about “one door closing and another one opening” but I’m not going to.

Because sometimes, sitting in the uncomfortable and sad feelings is the point.

I hope you are loving this moment. Even if it’s a hard, sad or complex one. And if so, you can come cry on my mountain with me. And we can hug. And nod. And agree that change is hard. And we’ll accept that. And embrace that. And then let out a big exhale of relief.

My face is puffy and salty. I haven’t cried like this in years. Honestly, all I know how to do is call my friends and look at my red, puffy, scrunched up face in the mirror and be proud that I have the courage to feel the depth of my emotions.

I bet you’re the same. And I’m proud of you too.

See you at the peak,

P.s. Go tell someone you love, that you love them.

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