The problem with love advice is that we’re all too nice. And no one tells the truth. No one wants to say what they’re really thinking.
Any guilty parties…raise your wine glasses. Thought so. We all do this. Even me. When I know better. And it all comes down to being liked. We’re afraid that if we tell the truth, our friend will be mad at us, or we’ll hurt her (potentially hurting her is another version of not being liked as well as the added bonus of actually hurting someone you care about…not fun).
So awhile back, I had a conversation with a friend who had just met the “love of her life” online. They had never met in real life and she already decided to move in with him. “when you know…you know.” She said.
And even though I was skeptical, I projected happiness. And excitement. So I wasn’t surprised at all, when a bit down the line, she told me that her ideal partner told her he had just gotten out of prison for grand theft, and was a diagnosed sociopath. And she was confused. Wanted to know what she should do.
My should-have-been response was “are you kidding me?? Get out now and don’t look back. You’re amazing and beautiful and talented and ambitious…what are you thinking? A sociopath?? I can’t even believe you’re asking me this question.” But what I said instead was something like “I’m so sorry. You should think about what you want in your ideal life and if sociopath ex-con doesn’t fit in there, then you should walk away.“ Which I’ve definitely said before to other people. And then “of course…you could always try to get to know him better and then decide, I mean, you never know.”
WHAT?!?! Get to know an admitted sociopath? See after that?? I’m pretty shocked those words came out of my mouth too.
What is it about us that has us jumping in head first to situations that we know aren’t good for us for the sake of learning or growing? Life would be so much easier if we lived love in black and white terms. He’s an asshole? Get out. You don’t love him? Get out. He steals cars? Get out. You want a serious relationship? Stop dating unavailable babies. Life would not only be easier, but we’d all be happier. We’d always be living within the integrity of what we know we deserve, and that just plain feels good.
So with that…whatever is troubling you in love right now, you already know what to do. You’re not confused. You have the answers already.
Do you have a funny love story like this? Something that you wanted to say to a friend or loved one but couldn’t? Leave a comment below.