January 9th, 2012
Cyndi Lauper. Failing at NYE Resolutions. And Hiding Your Warts.
It’s been almost a week since the dawning of the new year and I don’t know about you guys, but there is always this point where I’m like “YEAH!!! This year is gonna be awesome! I’m gonna do THIS, and THAT, and THAT and I’m going to start right this second.” And then naturally, the days go by and you forget and then you feel bad about yourself that it’s already been 8 days and nothing really has changed. But then, I realized that already this year, I’ve gained new clients, I picked up an entirely new skill, I’ve traveled twice, and once out of state, where I’ve met new friends, and done something I’ve never done before. And realized that it’s all good. I’m doing stuff.
So if you’re doing what I was doing…take the pressure off yourself. Know that you’re doing more than you realize. Be kind to yourself. And realize you’re doing and being everything you need to, right now.
So this year I want to incorporate more of YOUR questions into my blog and I’ve already gotten some great ones. Today’s started out being about business, but I’ve applied it to your whole life. Faaaaaaaaaaancy.
Mai writes, “Can i really be full authentic on my blog, showing warts and all. Or do I still need to present some kind of a front, to sell? I mean it’s a lot easier and more “inspiring” to post happy go lucky, cheerful, successful images. And how honest do we get? before it is detrimental.”
Mai, I absolutely love this question and the short answer is YES. Be yourself. But here’s the long answer….
I believe that you should use your blog in exactly the way you want to use your blog, and the fact you’re asking this question is telling me that you’re yearning for more authenticity. My personal opinion is that the more authentic you are (people are…in general), the better. People don’t really buy “services” anymore, as much as they buy “YOU.” People want to know you’re real. People like to know that you’ve gone through something that they’re going through. And ultimately if they’re hiring you, they’re going to get YOU. Not the dumbed down version. So show up as the real one right away.
I don’t agree that it’s more inspiring to see only happy-go-lucky images and successful stories. On the contrary I think it is far more inspiring to see humanness and the broad spectrum of how that shows up. Struggle, and sadness, and overcoming fear, and feeling defeated, as well as happiness, joy, love and busting through your own barriers. I’m far more inspired by a real story than I am by someone who “seems” to have it all together.
And with that, a short story. When I first started my blog, most of my posts were based on my real life, but in the way that I was talking about something that had happened or that I was scared of, instead of sharing from the depths of the experience. It wasn’t until a few months in that I actually started to get vulnerable. Share things that were ugly, scary, embarrassing, hurtful, sad. I cried on camera. I admitted to things that I’d always hid away deep inside. It was terrifying. And it wasn’t until I did all that that my readership grew and I got much more support and my business doubled. People could identify with it. They said they were inspired by it. They shared it with their friends and sent emails and wanted to work with me.
I think with anything, you need to do what feels right, while at the same time pushing your edges. If it doesn’t feel right to go full out right away, don’t. But definitely do go further than you think you can. You’ll find a spot that feels right.
Regardless if you have a blog or not, I think this question brings up an even deeper human issue. I think this is all really about needing and wanting to be loved. So much that we do things we think will make people love us, and hide the things we think are unlovable (like warts). It’s a choice on how you want to be in your business, blog, or life. You can choose. If you want to experience realness…be real. If you want to be loved for exactly who you are…be that person.
And with that, I will leave you with this…I think Cyndi Lauper said it best when she said “I see your true colors and that’s why I love you. So don’t be afraid to let them show. Your true colors are beautiful.”
Have you guys ever had this experience? Tried to change yourself or hide yourself in order to be more lovable? Share your thoughts in a comment below and share with your peeps.
Former approval addict here! LOL!!! I just posted something on my site yesterday (and even shared it with people) even though that question of ‘too much me?’ ran circles in my head for a good part of the weekend. The thing is the more I write, the less I want to censor myself so I took a deep breath and hit send.
There is so much truth in what you say about this being a deeper human issue. I think it’s important to consider the image of your business, but tying ourselves too tightly to the reactions and approval of others can really stifle us. Besides which, I think a lot of women want authenticity. They are tired of ‘fake’ and looking to be inspired. They want to see other people taking leaps of faith, because most of us, maybe even all of us have a secret (or not so secret) goal or dream we wish we had the guts to go for.
I mean who of us hasn’t imagined ourselves to be a kick ass rock star at least once in our beautiful lives?
Oh Jeanette…I TOTALLY understand that moment of panic right before you hit send. CONGRATS for doing it! I read your post and I love it. Thanks for being vulnerable and honest on there.
And thanks for writing in. I agree with everything you said. Especially about the secret goals we all have and want to be inspired to do. NO GUTS NO GLORY! :)
I also agree that it is extremely stifling to pay too much attention to what other people think of us in our business. It’s a natural feeling, but it’s annoying! Hahaha. I know that I can’t write anything of substance if I worry about who’s going to read it, and at the end of the day, real wins over too controlled, any day.
You’re a badass. Thank you for continuing to show up as your wonderful self.
I love this “…and realize you’re doing and being everything you need to, right now” Amen.
LIZ!!!!!! So great to see you on here. And have been loving seeing your business blossom. I’m glad that resonated with you. Important to not be too hard ourselves, eh?
I love seeing your name here Liz and that you and Sally know each other! Two rockstars.
Sally, you’re so right and thank you for the message. Humans are messy complicated creatures but if we allow ourselves to just ‘be’, we can always be reminded of the awesomeness in the world and *blush* ourselves.
WHOA!! Such a small world!! How do you guys know each other?
Oh yes, the moment of panic.
When I started being a bit more “me”, I only had a few people respond negatively (unlike the floods of hate mail of my imagination).
It felt so freeing, and yes my business DRASTICALLY increased too!
love your site and LOVE your gorgeous photos Sally
Hey Denise! Right?? It’s always worse and much more dramatic in our minds than in reality. And it’s all a learning process. Stretching our edges, trying new things. It’s the wild west out here in the internet world. Creating as we go!
Hey Ho! Thanks for answering my question and for making a blog post out of it. OK here i go, I am going to push this edge for both of our sakes ok?
I get what you are saying and I don’t trust you fully. Cause I am like you. i truly get what you are saying, and look at all the pictures you have on your site, they are HOT, beautiful, and inspiring. Similarly, I chose cool pix of me for my website. I hear you say you share your warts, but it’s still is strategic right? Which wart to show, to get the effect we want. can we really be vulnerable and real of the sake of realness.
I just came back from Landmark and they said many awesome things. One of them is “Human cares more for admiration than love, compassion, and empathy.” WE care more for admiration than love Sally. Yahoo!!! right? Let’s be honest here. Can we truly really stop performing for the camera?
last but not least, this is much scarier for me to say in public. I see you credit me privately for the wisdom I brought to you as your coach. But I don’t see you doing that publicly on your site. Why not? I am afraid to say this out loud cause it might make me look bad. I might be seen as trying to get attention for myself. But it is more than that for me. I really really want to figure this out. for people like you and me, who loves to live in the spot light, who knows about the power of vulnerability, and who are very smart at featuring ourselves to sell our services, where is the truth? where is our authenticity? or are we just writing another blog post to cleverly tell the world how great we are. I feel like I am on the Truman Show movie set. I can’t get off no matter how hard I try.
In solidarity with you, warts and all.
Miss Mai…thank you. For being you. And pushing boundaries and writing all this. I have to admit, I felt real icky while reading it the first time. Like I did something wrong. Like I was a fraud. Or I fucked up and should have done things differently or said things differently. And the truth is, I agree with most of what you said, and at the very least, I find your points extremely important to talk about and think about. I get why you don’t fully trust me. I think that’s fair.
You’re right…I did pick my favorite picture for my blog. I do share to the extent I want to, still.
The way I look at it is this is always a work in progress. Our lives. My blog. Etc. I learn things and then share them. Then I learn different things and share that. I look at where I started and where I am now and know that I’ve pushed tons of my own edges. Am I completely naked? No. Are all my warts showing? No. But am I more naked then I’ve ever been in my whole life? Yes. Am I sharing things/warts I never thought I could or would? Yes. Have I almost thrown up after hitting the post button? Yes. Am I sharing things that I believe are absolutely ugly about myself? Yes. And I’m proud of all of that. My posts might be mild compared to some. And they might be completely wild compared to others. But all I know is my own self and my own life, and I’m pushing it. And what “pushing it” looks like on here will evolve.
I love the question “can we ever really stop performing for the camera?” And I don’t know. I’m not trying to. I’m a performer and always have been, and I think you are too. I don’t want to not perform, I just want to perform in a way that helps people. What that looks like will change. I used to perform as a less real version of myself. I’ve grown into the most real version of myself I know up to this point. And I know for sure I’ll continue to grow and push the edges of my own realness.
As to why I don’t publicly talk about who I work with…that is a great question. One that I want to sit with a bit more. I know every time I tried to answer this, it sounded like weird excuses and defensiveness, so there is clearly something underneath that needs a bit more looking.
I’m scared in writing this too. Wondering what you’ll think. If you’ll think it’s all bullshit. Wondering if everyone else will think it’s all bullshit too. Wondering if I think it’s bullshit.
Overall, I really appreciate this message and appreciate you. You are one of the main people in my life who pushes me to stretch myself in ways that are so unbelievably uncomfortable to me. This blog turned around because of our coaching sessions. I value you and your boldness. And you fucking scare me! No bullshitting you. No hiding. That’s why I hired you.
So thank you. I love you.
I’m not sure that I actually answered any of your questions. I think it’s a great topic for further discussion. Anyone reading…what do you think about all this?
Sally! You can certainly spark discussion. Read this at the airport and had to come back to add a quick 2 cents re your “performing”. You performing is you being the truly authentic you. That book I’m always telling you about, The Instruction, talks about soul types (10 of them) and how we all have a primary soul type and 2 secondary influences. “Performer” is a soul type so by performing you are actually being your authentic most real and powerful self. If you stopped performing you’d be denying a huge part of yourself. As long as you’re performing “as the real version” of yourself, you are being authentic. So never doubt it!
I also think that people who write blogs can sometimes be viewed as messengers. Yes, I’m sure part of it is ego and need for admiration, those things get mixed up into everything, but part of it is wanting to help people and truly needing to find a way to make a difference. We learn a life lesson and we share it so it can improve other people’s lives – messengers. Maybe that means we just want more love ourselves, who knows who cares, either way it does make a difference. There are lots of ways we could try to find more love/admiration, we’re doing it in a way that gives to others, we should celebrate that. So we learn to be more vulnerable in the process which helps others more. Does it mean we need to air out all our dirty laundry in order to achieve authenticity, I don’t think so. I think as long as we try to keep the focus on helping others instead of making it all about us (airing warts just for the sake of airing warts?), we’re doing a good job.
And what’s wrong with choosing pics that make us look and feel our best? I don’t think that makes us any less authentic. We all should envision ourselves at our utmost best and pictures are just a reflection of that. We all have pics where we look just awful and we all have times in our lives where we felt just awful. Why drown in those times/pics when we can flourish in the times/pics where we were at our best, happiest, silliest, most fun? That then helps us teach others to be the very best versions of themselves. Nothing wrong with us all being our authentic best I think! I know you well enough to know that your fabulous pics are 100% the authentic fun and fabulous you; don’t need a double chin or crossed eyed pic in there to make them more authentic :)
Sorry, longer than a quick 2 cents! Great post :)
It’s not often I disagree with you, but the one thing I do disagree on is the part about “take[ing] the pressure off yourself”.
Maybe it’s just because I’m a slightly demented, haven’t been in a relationship long, don’t get out enough, works too much ex-Jarhead, but I was never the sort to let up on myself. Whether it be the fact that this ugly ol’ Jarhead will never be a pretty boy to what I do with SFP, I can’t let my guard down or relax, and I find that is the key to my success is that I am always on the go, always finding new ways to improve the way I do things.
Now, I will admit that my lady takes my baseball bat and beats me over the head with it to tell me that the whole idea of working for yourself is so that you don’t have to knock yourself out anymore, but it’s been a long time being on my own with nothing but this business and the people in it (and if you thought MUSIC was cut-throat, boy…wait’ll you see wrestling!!), but I have a very unusual mindset that (maybe something from the Corps?) makes me insist on being #1, and I just can’t find it in me to rest or cut myself slack in any way.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like it is a suffering. I enjoy what I do, it’s just that I don’t feel a need to rest on my (I feel) significant accomplishments, I look at each new accomplishment as “what can I do to eclipse this?” and each failure as “what can I do to make sure this doesn’t happen again?”
You know I have great respect for you and Natalie. Am i wrong in this thought?
Hey you…of course it’s ok to disagree with me!! I appreciate it, actually. Because it makes me think and re-evaluate. I don’t believe I have all the answers for everyone, and a lot of times, not even myself. I just get to explore the ideas on here and see what you all think.
As for what you say, I can absolutely understand where you are coming from and don’t disagree. I think it’s more an issue of what motivates you. If it motivates you to not rest or cut yourself slack, then do that. But if never resting and being hard on yourself makes you feel so bad about yourself that you are unable to move forward at all, then it’s detrimental to what you’re trying to do.
It’s a fine line between completely letting yourself off the hook, and into old patterns of stagnation and being so hard on yourself you can’t move forward. I think finding what works to motivate you is a great place to start. And it sounds like what you’re doing works great for you. So…if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. :)
Thanks again for reading and writing in. What do you think about this response? And by all means, feel free to disagree as much as you want.
I concur with your answer. It makes total sense. I DO believe that no one person has the answer that fits everyone (and yeah, sometimes not even you have the answer for you).
I DO believe that there will be instances where you can’t “get up in the morning”, so to speak, because you just put so much pressure on yourself.
Me personally, I put the pressure on myself because that IS what motivates me, it makes me WANT to get up, to be a better person, a better worker, etc.
Also, just as for depression, when people say it’s more than just “well, dust yourself off and move on”, getting out of the mindset of being hard on myself for each failure and being hard on myself for each success is a mindset that is hard to get out of, too. I think any kind of learned behaviour is difficult to get over.
I’m not saying it’s not a 100% stress-free behaviour, but it’s a competitive thing. Even before the Marines, I was always an ultra-competitive person, which is why the Marine mindset was easy to fall into.
I recall a cartoon once I saved that has a guy at a Marine recruiters office and there’s a poster behind the recruiter saying, “We’re looking for a few good men”, and the guy in the chair has a t-shirt on saying, “I’m the best there is”, and one recruiter says to the other, “Sign him up, the DI (Drill Instructor) can adjust his attitude”. I liked it because it reminds me of me. I like to be competitive.
Granted, the single-minded devotion can hurt personally, BECAUSE I don’t get out much and can be oblivious about interpersonal relations (we discussed the whole girlfriend thing before!)
I’m also a little arrogant that I want to be a little more than a cog in the wheel. However, I’m learning, slowly but surely with my woman…
Edit: I also admit that you are your own harshest critic.
This post really spoke to me girl! As they all do. :)
I know you and am so proud at how vulnerable you have become through your writing and your videos. This post resonated for me personally – and I think it will/does for many others as well.
I agree with a comment above that we all seek out and adore being admired. But really…who doesn’t? And is there really anything wrong with that?
The way I see it, as long as you remain true to yourself, authentic in your own skin and aren’t writing/posting for the purpose of being “popular” and fueling your ego…then I think it’s ALL good. After all, a blog is a creative space. YOUR space. And you get to say and do whatever you damn well please. WOOT! :)
You’re one of the sweetest and most sincere people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. And I’m glad you’re back at the regular posts – I’ve missed ’em.
Miss Stephanie…thanks for contributing to this discussion. I’m finding it all really interesting, especially in the ways I’ve reacted to it. A bit uncomfortable. But without discomfort, there is no growth.
And yes I also agree that our blogs are the creative place where we get to do and be whatever we want.
This whole topic of authenticity is really interesting to me. I wonder if humans even have the capacity to know what 100% realness is. I mean if we’re always viewing it through our own eyes, and our own eyes are just another perspective, can we ever really know? I don’t know. Fascinating.
WOW. In the spirit of authenticity–I have to say I skimmed most of the replies.. but I did read Mai’s and Sally’s response to that.. and again WOW. I have the awesome-est people in my life! I love that this q is on the table. For 2012 I committed to posting a vid every week on a spiritual topic. This is something I would have rather DIED (really) than do in years previous. Happily, I’ve done enough self work that I’m more delighted than scared to do it these days… but here I go…week 1… and then week 2… and I send week 2’s vid to a friend before I send it out Monday..and.. he (lovingly) reams it. He’s all: you’re not YOU enough–you seem woo-woo “airy, affected, and dramatic.” AIRY AFFECTED AND DRAMATIC! And this is someone who loves me and is saying this because he loves my down to earth-ness. And so I go back and watch the video, and I realize, WOW I can totally see how he could see that in some places..even though I wasn’t intending it at all. And I realize that one authentic part of me is Boston-NY-Sass and one authentic part of me does become a bit more intergalactic each year..as my spirituality deepens.. or maybe neither is authentic? or both? So I guess what I’m trying to say is :
1. Sally–I have found your authenticity (whatever %age it is) so inspiring in doing my own blog. Truly. I am so grateful, whatever level you’re at, it’s enough to have that impact. I am so, so grateful!
2.It’s hard to know exactly how authentic we are being in any moment, the journey of life seems like a continuous revelation of increasing authenticity.
3. PRACTICE. Being totally authentic on camera/in writing is a learned skill! I swear I have no intention of hiding anything…and yet I watched that movie and I thought, could I be more authentic? Possibly, but HOW? Without “TRYING” to not fall into certain voice patterns that I authentically do…and rather sort of unauthentically trying to be more authentic (does that make sense?)
4. SELF LOVE. We get better as we go. At least that’s my hope for myself. I can look at other people’s videos (and, hello, I am trying to put the literally unspeakable into words in my videos — so it is really scary and funny, too) and be like, “Aghhh..they are so THEM, how can I be more ME?” But too wallow in that feels awful..so I give myself some love and try again next week. And all of us invite people to comment / ask / probe.
5. PUSH ME! I invite you to push me as you push each other. I really hope you do. I love that shiz. It helps me grow. And I trust in all our authentic desire to grow and trust the unfolding.
6. No, I don’t buy it Mai. The admiration thing. I don’t care if LM said it. Why do we want to be admired? So we can feel loved. Ultimately, we want Love. Approval, appreciation, admiration all are means for Love. And we want it because it’s what we are. We’re confused, and maybe you could say the ego wants admiration, but the soul wants love…to remember.
I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone else. BUt i gots to go, so no editing. Love you all. Z
AHHHHHHHHH The Reverend has spoken and I love what I hear. Zoe…thank you for your thoughtfulness and your thoughts on this. It’s SUCH an interesting topic. I especially resonated with what you said in number 6 about us wanting to be loved because we ARE love. I’m just learning about this concept. Doing some reading and whatnot and it makes sense to me. Yes we all want to be loved and be love. Perhaps that is our motivation for everything we do. Should it not be? Is that bad? Does is mean we aren’t authentic? I mean I look at life as a constant journey of discovery and deepening learning of those discoveries. I don’t have the answers but I love the questions and the thoughts surrounding them.
And I TOTALLY know what you mean about your vids. Oh man…I felt that way at first too. I was like…is that really me in there? I sound/look weird. hAhaha. And then you practice and it changes. And for the record, I love your videos. I love your teachings. And am SO grateful to get to learn this stuff from you. (although I sorta agree with what your friend said…BUT I can already see the videos evolving to more Zoe-ness)
I so appreciate you and all of us here willing to discuss and talk and look and learn.
Your blog, Sally, melds exactly with my goal for this year, which is to live more authentically. I think it’s really scary to be completely honest with other people in person as well as in a blog, especially if you’re angry or feeling critical or hurt or anything that puts you in a risky spot in the relationship, or if you are ‘making yourself look bad’ by revealing your dark side and you’re not sure if you’ll be judged. I imagine that most people don’t have the guts to go there fully….. you’ve really got courage.
I admire this exchange because it’s so real and kuddos to everyone involved in it. It’s very daring to live in your true colors. Sometimes it takes years to realize how much ‘make up’ you’ve been wearing out in the world, especially for someone like me who doesn’t think she wears any. Always so much to learn.
One thing per the original question: I think there have to be boundaries in blogs…. I don’t think everything is OK in the name of openness and honesty. For example, you don’t reveal secrets you’ve promised to keep, or disclose another person’s issues or situations without their permission. When you’re in business you have to consider your audience. For example, would I be as open on a work blog as I might be to a self-selected audience in the outside world? (no) I think of all of these issues everytime I post to my own personal blog even. It raises two questions for me: l) Are there places where you need to suppress authenticity for a greater good (keeping someone’s secret, honoring privacy, confidentiality, not being deliberately hurtful, giving yourself some time to process before you ‘blurt it all out’), and 2) can you ever really hide who you are, really? I mean, I may not write about some of my ultra liberal views out of respect for certain people, but it’s not like they don’t already know, right? Same with personal flaws, fears and frailities.
Ultimately, I trust people more who reveal their whole self than those who sugar coat and hide. I’ve been told recently that the only way to find your tribe is to be authentic. That’s motivation enough for me.
Mom…I love what you bring up about boundaries and I agree. I mean, I suppose some people might not operate within these boundaries, writing about whatever they want, not worrying who is reading and who might be getting hurt by it. And then there are even gray areas within that…something I write that I don’t think is stimulating might actually be stimulating for someone else. Or perhaps I don’t assume that that person is actually reading my blog (another way to justify writing something that is hurtful…which is what happened to me). It’s hard to some up with a hard and fast rule about any of this because it seems that there are always so many factors. I love the questions and ideas you bring up.
I’m excited for you for this year. I can’t wait to see what happens. :)
Well now…so much has already been said…I must chime in tho. For the first time after 32 yrs in the same career I’m making CHANGES & going for something completely new! I’ve enrolled in culinary school & am as happy as a bird with a french fry! I can’t wait til Feb 8! That being said, I have qualms about being too excited on Facebook or Twitter because most people/”friends” are from my former career. I feel I’m walking a fine line not being too vulnerable or excited about my new direction lest I need the old one back. Does this make sense?
It’s so hard to LET GO! Currently working on being more ME!
Lisa I can definitely understand where you’re coming from with this. Our work is very closely tied into our identity. It’s like, “wait…what?? You’re doing what? I thought you were a radio chick??” Naturally, we all change throughout time and our jobs might change as well. Sometimes we need to ease into telling people about it. Start with a person or two. Eventually you’ll bring it all over the internet. This is a journey of learning and growth. You got it and this is so very exciting!!!!!!
Powerful discussion here, Sally. Edgeplay. Authenticity. Does it mean disclosure of the alllllllll of who we are in any moment? how can that even be a possibility? I think of the dark places I have existed in and then gone to teach the wee ones music and movement and how they pull the ecstatic pied piper out of me. Both exist. Both, authentic. How can I feel joy in my interaction with a friend while in the midst of mourning the loss of a pet? Yet I do. We are such multifaceted beings, reflected in Shakespeares great works. The Good. The Bad. The Ugly!
and thus, what do I choose to share on my blog? what authentic aspect of myself truth, my state, my being? And if it is for the purpose of admiration… who does it ultimately serve? Me. Yet according to many, it also serves my audience! How ironic that through our desire for admiration we ultimately actualize our innate gifts which ultimately serve the human race? Evolution has been known to do stranger things.
I would suggest that admiration is what on one level the ego desires and what we have been trained as a culture through praise to seek. Yet like white bread it does not satiate our appetite. We need full bodied fibered love… which only comes when we are expressing some facet of our authenticity, as you suggest through your experience of getting down and dirty real in your posts. And… are you admired, Sally? yes, you are. And of course you enjoy it. Do. Yet you also know you are loved for gifting us with the opportunity to engage on this level of our authenticity. And that will keep you going. And me too.
Multifaceted beings. YES, indeed. I love that perspective and I love what you’ve shared here. This discussion is very interesting. About how to operate within ourselves and within the world, wanting what we want and impacting people along the way. I’m guessing that anyone in the helping profession is doing it both because they love to help people, and also because BY helping people it makes them feel good. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. Wanting to feel good for helping others.
Kathleen, thank you for being part of this discussion. And for your authenticity, always. I love being in a community with you and hearing your insight and wisdom.
Great post Sally and some really interesting discussion going on in the comments here. As for authenticity… our blog is our chance to put a spotlight on ourselves. I think it is important to show the best of who we are (like our fav pics) along with those warts, because no one else is going to step-up and do that for us. I’m sure there are plenty of pics out there of me with a double chin and devil eyes (I haven’t had time to un-tag them all ;) ), and I guarantee they inspire no one. At the same time I want to let people know in my work that I was once a shy, chubby, stuck-in-the mud kid. A guy who has experienced despair, heartbreak, and loss …..and still kept going.
I agree with Rev Zoe that all this authenticity takes some practice. It’s easy to fall back into our comfort zones, especially when pressed to get material out. It feels good though when we touch other people and know our experiences make a difference.
Finally, I appreciate Mai’s honesty in her comment about desiring credit in your blog. It stirred up some feelings for me around the coaching industry. I don’t offer coaching right now and nor do I have a coach myself…..though I feel like I could really benefit from the right one. However when I have hired coaches in the past it always felt like it was more about them and their issues then about me. I coach baseball. When my kids do well they get and deserve all the credit. I can teach them the fundementals and encourage them, but they are the ones who need to face their fears and execute on their own. My satisfaction comes from watching them grow and succeed and knowing I gave them my best. I understand that professional coaching is a bit of a different animal, but I would think the same elements apply. Besides, if we always had to worry about who was getting the proper credit in our posts could we really be authentic?
Hey Scott…thank you so much for chiming in here and I love what you bring up, especially about coaching your kids.
This is such an interesting topic. The “what about me??” desire that we have to be credited for the work we do vs. the altruistic desire to teach for the simple joy of what that might bring another person. Honestly, I’ve gone back and forth on it (not super proud to admit it). There have been some times where I’ve seen some people that I’ve coached share and talk about things I’ve taught them, without giving me credit. At first, there was a tinge of “what about me?” And then, I realized, like you, that my inspiration and satisfaction comes from the teaching and from being with someone when they realize something they never knew before. To help give them a spark to make their life what they want it to be. What they do with that spark after we talk is up to them. However, when I do get credit, it makes me feel good. My ego is happy. I feel proud, like “I did that.” And then I go back and forth. Is it ok to hold both? I’m not sure I NEED the credit, but it sures feel great to get it. What does that mean? Or say about me?
I think at the end of the day, information is supposed to be shared. If they didn’t hear “feel the fear and do it anyway” from me, there are a million other places they could have gotten that info. And a million places where I got that info from. There aren’t a lot of new concepts in the world, in my opinion, and it’s just a matter of who is delivering the message and at what point you are in your life when you’re hearing them.
Hmmmmm…further discussion and thoughts on this topic, methinks.