June 12th, 2017
When you lose your shit over something minor
I am sitting here in my guest bedroom. The room I have deemed ripe for creativity today. Trying to finish this post, which I started days ago.
This post was to be the one to explain where the heck I’ve been and why my experiences from the last three years have taken me out of the blogging/business game completely.
I had a nice little story about how seeing my old rock n roll friend Jimmy last week reminded me of who I was, when for the past three years I had forgotten.
But I couldn’t finish the letter, and I got distracted because honestly…I was in a bad mood when I wrote this. (I cringe admitting this…just saying). Nothing super specific happened really. Just a few things strung together that gives me that general low-grade feeling of things not being that great, even though on the surface, literally nothing had changed since the day before when I felt awesome about life and like I had it all figured out.
And then I reached out to some friends to pump me up and they don’t do it right which sent me into my next tantrum. (*I’m using “tantrum” for dramatic effect. It was more like an eye roll, turning my phone to silent, and semi-aggressively throwing it onto the foot of the bed).
And then I realize that I’m tired. And I STILL have pink eye, which seems so ridiculous because…WHO GETS PINK EYE that isn’t in pre-school!? And then the soap fell out of the dish and onto the floor in the shower and I lose my shit.
When I first started my blog, I decided pretty early on to share honest things with you. Things that I was going through in life, which then made me realize that these were things we ALL go through in life.
And if we started having conversations about this, none of us would feel so alone and broken in what we assume is our own private hell of (assumed) craziness and complex emotions.
Through this sharing, we learned that we all have moments where we lose our shit because the soap fell out of the soap dish in the shower. Or cry when the person you like doesn’t like you back. Or when your ex has a new awesome girlfriend. Or when you STILL don’t know what to do with your life.
We are all messy and all over the place, but we don’t know that because none of us talk about it.
We’re too afraid to. We’re too afraid that other people might find out that we’re messy and all over the place, and in order to keep our perfection game going strong, we all just give a watered down version of what’s really going on.
And that’s what my last letter was. I mean…it wasn’t a LIE. It was all true and it’s what I wanted to say, but it wasn’t the MOST true thing today as I’m lying here typing this from my guest bedroom. The most true thing is what I’m saying now.
But my intention is still the same…to explain how much I’ve missed sharing stories about life with you. And how much I’ve missed hearing your stories in return. How much I’ve missed giggling about the soap dish which literally doesn’t matter five minutes after it mattered the most. And how much I’ve missed THIS.
Words on the page that connect us as human beings having these wild human experiences.
The last few years really sent me into a dark and hard place, which I will be sharing more about as I get my writing mojo back (someone please give me a better word for mojo…like seriously…it’s kind of the worst) but the bottom line is that I didn’t write because the honest things that were happening, were things I didn’t feel like I could share, for various reasons. And they felt private and somewhat shameful to me. I was embarrassed.
But…I’ve learned A LOT these past few years. Even though I haven’t been blogging, I have been writing, learning, reading, getting support and help through this tough time, and growing. I have learned a lot and am finally inching back into the light and have some things to share.
And I am coming home to myself. And a big part of that is coming home to you. You will be hearing from me more.
Stories connect us. And connection leads to a full heart. And a full heart lets us knowing we’re not alone. I need it just as much as you do. And so I’m recommitting to honesty. Won’t you come along again for the ride?
As always, I love hearing from you. Please comment below if any part of this resonated with you. If so, share which part and one takeaway.
Looking forward to hearing more of your stories,
Sally
P.s. Look for a fresh new blog post next week. It may or may not involve a banjo, running through the sprinklers, and what to do with your innate gifts in this world.
P.p.s. I already told my list about this. And I tend to give them the insider info. Wanna be in on the secrets first? Join us HERE
Sally!!! This is gold! Thank you so much for being real.
I am always struggling with “What could i share and what not” with my clients.
Because in the “normal world” of psychotherapy, its THE RULE, to not share about your private life, your struggles, your mess, your shadows. (not even your light, your beauty, your wins….)
I am gladly someone, who came on a sideway to psychotherapy, in my case: bodypsychotherapy, BECAUSE OF MY STORY. I never studied psychotherapy, but i studied my life, and i have done a huge amount of educations on the alternative “unnormal” ;) side.
And your post here remembered me on the most beautiful moments with my clients: and thats WHEN I SHARED FROM MY LIFE.
i held myself back in sharing more and now: i will stop that!
thank yor for being such a gold, wild and beautiful badassfullofloveandhonestywoman. thank you, that i met you in BSchool.
curious to here MORE REAL MESS from you
love and hugs from germany
Elke
Elke…thank you SO much for this beautiful comment of connection and understanding. And I can completely understand the complex issue in psychotherapy.
I will say…some of the times I’ve been helped the absolute most by my coach or therapist has been when they’ve shared something that made me feel not so alone or so crazy.
The “we all do that” connection is so important for us to not feel like there is something wrong with us. With that being said, as a coach myself, I think the line to walk is to not make the session about us as the coach/therapist, but about deepening the learning for our clients. But in my experience, sharing truth almost always creates depth and intimacy and connection.
I’m so glad this resonated with you and I’m so glad we’re on this messy journey together!
badassfullofloveandhonestywoman,
Sally
Sally Sally,
I feel like my ‘soap’ moment is coming. It’s sort of bubbling and foaming beneath the surface. And it’s mostly because instead of a minor moment, a pretty big, life-changing and life-altering decision is on the horizon. But the more I walk parallel to it (instead of headlong into the sun), the more the surface of my skin gets a little slippery, a little suds-y. And I find myself not wanting to burden the people in my life by talking about it when they ask me what’s up, what’s new, how are things. Inevitably I do though, because honestly, we should talk about the thing that’s coming to a head in our lives. And everything else too.
So thank you for sharing this honesty, this mini freak out moment. We all have them. They’re as natural as every other not-quite-Instagram-worthy moment we all experience on the daily.
Love!
Jilly
Jilly Jilly Jilly oh Jilly…
I love this. Thank you so much for writing. And I so get what you mean about the decision on the horizon. I think that having a decision like that in the distance (near or far) can be one of the most painful places. It’s the cross section between what you think needs to happen, and where you’re at and all you’re left with are the conflicting emotions and assumed chains of events that that decision will inevitably bring into your life. I get it.
And I also get not wanting to talk about it…for all the various reasons. And I have also learned that it’s nice to lean on people. Each scenario is different. Each moment is different. And you get to decide which ones will be the sharing ones and which ones won’t.
Life isn’t always Instagram worthy…but then again, I think Instagram would be wildly more interesting if we all showed all these moments! Then we can collectively sigh or exalt…”ME TOO.”
So my dear…”ME TOO”
Love you
Sally
Hi Sally,
Just wanted to let you know that while I’ve never read your blog before, your post linked to this popped up first on my FB feed,and I checked it out. I’m glad I did. It’s so nice to know that I’m not alone in struggling sometimes and having those soap dish moments that just push me over the edge to wear the darkness gets the best of me.
I think it’s great you are in the business of helping people and I enjoy seeing your occasional Facebook post. But this one is as I said especially refreshing & reassuring. Studies show (I took a sociology class where we studied this) that there is a causal relationship between spending time on Facebook & decreased self image. We all post only the flattering pictures and portray ourselves in the best light on social media, and then people who read that end up feeling like their lives are so much worse. But we all drop the soap dish sometimes. And it’s great when someone like you comes out and reminds us of that. So thank you.
Anyhow, hello from Cousin Lizzy & Bruce & me here on the east coast & from Nick back in AZ. I really hope one day we cousins will all get together back in NYC or something. In the meantime give my love to Molly and your mom!
Xoxox,
Alex
Alex!!! Cousin!!!
Thank you SO much for reading and for writing this. I absolutely believe that about Facebook. It happens for me all the time and so it’s so refreshing when there are people that want to have more honest conversations, like you, right here. I absolutely understand what you mean about the darkness getting the best of you. Happens to me too. And I imagine it happens to EVERYONE.
Thank you for adding to this conversation and I would really love a family get together. Who do we need to chat with to get this going?!?!
XOXO
To get a family get together going? I’d imagine cousin Becky or Ellen would both be good people to brainstorm & dream up some ideas with…. Would love to see you & Molly & your Mom!
xoxo