June 12th, 2017
I am sitting here in my guest bedroom. The room I have deemed ripe for creativity today. Trying to finish this post, which I started days ago.
This post was to be the one to explain where the heck I’ve been and why my experiences from the last three years have taken me out of the blogging/business game completely.
I had a nice little story about how seeing my old rock n roll friend Jimmy last week reminded me of who I was, when for the past three years I had forgotten.
But I couldn’t finish the letter, and I got distracted because honestly…I was in a bad mood when I wrote this. (I cringe admitting this…just saying). Nothing super specific happened really. Just a few things strung together that gives me that general low-grade feeling of things not being that great, even though on the surface, literally nothing had changed since the day before when I felt awesome about life and like I had it all figured out.
And then I reached out to some friends to pump me up and they don’t do it right which sent me into my next tantrum. (*I’m using “tantrum” for dramatic effect. It was more like an eye roll, turning my phone to silent, and semi-aggressively throwing it onto the foot of the bed).
And then I realize that I’m tired. And I STILL have pink eye, which seems so ridiculous because…WHO GETS PINK EYE that isn’t in pre-school!? And then the soap fell out of the dish and onto the floor in the shower and I lose my shit.
When I first started my blog, I decided pretty early on to share honest things with you. Things that I was going through in life, which then made me realize that these were things we ALL go through in life.
And if we started having conversations about this, none of us would feel so alone and broken in what we assume is our own private hell of (assumed) craziness and complex emotions.
Through this sharing, we learned that we all have moments where we lose our shit because the soap fell out of the soap dish in the shower. Or cry when the person you like doesn’t like you back. Or when your ex has a new awesome girlfriend. Or when you STILL don’t know what to do with your life.
We are all messy and all over the place, but we don’t know that because none of us talk about it.
We’re too afraid to. We’re too afraid that other people might find out that we’re messy and all over the place, and in order to keep our perfection game going strong, we all just give a watered down version of what’s really going on.
And that’s what my last letter was. I mean…it wasn’t a LIE. It was all true and it’s what I wanted to say, but it wasn’t the MOST true thing today as I’m lying here typing this from my guest bedroom. The most true thing is what I’m saying now.
But my intention is still the same…to explain how much I’ve missed sharing stories about life with you. And how much I’ve missed hearing your stories in return. How much I’ve missed giggling about the soap dish which literally doesn’t matter five minutes after it mattered the most. And how much I’ve missed THIS.
Words on the page that connect us as human beings having these wild human experiences.
The last few years really sent me into a dark and hard place, which I will be sharing more about as I get my writing mojo back (someone please give me a better word for mojo…like seriously…it’s kind of the worst) but the bottom line is that I didn’t write because the honest things that were happening, were things I didn’t feel like I could share, for various reasons. And they felt private and somewhat shameful to me. I was embarrassed.
But…I’ve learned A LOT these past few years. Even though I haven’t been blogging, I have been writing, learning, reading, getting support and help through this tough time, and growing. I have learned a lot and am finally inching back into the light and have some things to share.
And I am coming home to myself. And a big part of that is coming home to you. You will be hearing from me more.
Stories connect us. And connection leads to a full heart. And a full heart lets us knowing we’re not alone. I need it just as much as you do. And so I’m recommitting to honesty. Won’t you come along again for the ride?
As always, I love hearing from you. Please comment below if any part of this resonated with you. If so, share which part and one takeaway.
Looking forward to hearing more of your stories,
P.s. Look for a fresh new blog post next week. It may or may not involve a banjo, running through the sprinklers, and what to do with your innate gifts in this world.
P.p.s. I already told my list about this. And I tend to give them the insider info. Wanna be in on the secrets first? Join us HERE