January 24th, 2013
Pop Psychology: Worst Love Advice Ever, From Blair Waldorf
I’ll admit it. I spent a good chunk of my night last night scouring Pinterest for awesome love pictures. Or love quotes that made me smile. Or pictures of couples that made me go awwwwwwww. All in the spirit of finding some inspiration for this post today.
And as with most things I write about, it’s a process whereby I find things that are OK, but nothing hits me. Until that one thing hits me and I’m like, “yeah…THAT.”
Well today, my “THAT” is so ridiculous I couldn’t not share. And this “THAT” comes from a scene in the good old show, Gossip Girl, in which a bunch of rich snobs wearing designer couture in NYC flit around the city acting like vacant, shallow, brats. (Basically).
I didn’t actually watch this episode but the quote is bad enough to make me never ever want to watch TV again. Ever.
In it, Blair Waldorf, who has had a completely tumultuous relationship with the guy she’s in the picture with, for the entirety of the show says:
“People don’t write sonnets about being compatible. Or novels about shared life goals or stimulating conversation. The great loves are the crazy ones.”
Ok…there is all sorts of wrong with this. I barely even know where to begin.
First off…Blair is assuming that the only reason to be in love is so that other people will write about it and care about it. This is an egotistical and shallow way to look at love. It’s equivalent to dating the super hot high school football player who is vacant and so boring you want to tear your eyeballs out, but he’s hot and everyone wants him. So you feel all special to be on his arm. Lame.
Secondly, she completely dismisses the absolute most important things to have in order to have a long lasting relationship; compatibility, shared goals, and an intellectual connection. I mean, according to Blair, why on Earth would anyone want those things when you can have crazy instead?
Seriously? I’ve tried crazy. And while yes, it has a passionate and fiery air to it, it always blows up in your face and you’re miserable. Crazy is not fun. In the long run.
But what I hate the most about this is it completely stepping on what’s important in love. Dismissing the understanding that love and relationship is a journey, over a long stretch of time. In order for that journey to work, you must be on the same page. You must look at each other like humans, with faults. You have to understand that passion and lust (the “crazy” Blair speaks of) will likely go away, and at the end of the day, you have to genuinely LIKE this person you’re with. And you have to understand that your partner isn’t there to “complete you” or fill some kind of void.
Compatibility DOES matter. Shared life goals is pretty much all you have to keep it going. And while you’re going, good conversation (and laughter and adventuring together and enjoying each other) is key.
I don’t believe crazy is good. Especially when your crazy is void of all the things that matter in love.
Blair…you give terrible advice. Ladies…please don’t listen to her.
So what are your thoughts? Do you think crazy is bad? What do you think are the most important things to have in a relationship? Leave your comment below and don’t forget to “Like” and share with your friends. And if you’re not already on the mailing list or my Facebook page, GET IN THERE.
You’re pretty fucking awesome. :)
ERIK!!!! HIIIIIIIII!!!! You’re awesome too. :) What did you find awesome about this?
I think quoting you sums it up nicely: Compatibility DOES matter. Shared life goals is pretty much all you have to keep it going. And while you’re going, good conversation (and laughter and adventuring together and enjoying each other) is key. >>> the laughter part is SO important!
or a good quote:
Love is not just looking at each other, it’s looking in the same direction.
– Antoine de Saint-Exupery
so yeah, I’m with you Miss Sally!
love is helplessness in the face of beauty like making silly faces to see a child laugh.
not necessarily shared life goals as much as enjoying watching and helping someone achieve those life goals…like working on happiness. it’s like being able to make someone smile and laugh…. knowing you can make someone else happy and then doing it…. like making a baby smile…. if you have the power of joy and know how to create happiness… that is love. It lasts and can be shared and is enjoyed by all.
I have the feeling one would have had to see the whole episode in order to get the big picture, but I know where you’re going with this, Sally.
However…Blair could have been referring to what people write about their own relationships, not necessarily waiting for others to comment on them. I know I’m more likely to reflect on my thoughts/wants/needs when my relationship is in a negative state (no matter how temporary). Ever heard a (really good) love song or movie script that wasn’t totally intense either positively or negatively? You rarely find yourself singing, “…love is just ok…”. :D
I also think that a little crazy can be good for a relationship. It keeps you thinking. And when that happens, one can make an informed decision on just how much crazy they’re going to endure. I’m in a situation where we are nearly complete opposites. Black + white = agreeing in the gray area. And it’s working, despite the occasional “crazy”. I like the challenge…keeps me on my toes…doesn’t keep us from watching our passion, friendship and love develop daily.
If I totally misunderstood your take on Blair, please give me my lumps. I just think you were a little hard on her and that one three-line quote.
I think most people expect their relationship to become boring over time. WRONG. It only becomes boring if you allow it to. Sure, you won’t be on cloud 9 all the time, but you can still have passion and lust and all these exciting things from time to time. I think a lot of people allow their relationship to become boring because they think it’s a natural process. It doesn’t need to be :)
Hey lady…I totally agree! I think it’s both important to know that relationships DO change over time, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing or that doesn’t mean it has to be boring. Thanks for the reminder!
And after Blair says that line, Chuck says that there is a big difference between a great love which is the crazy love she talks about and the right love. Of course crazy can be exciting in the short run but the right love Chuck is referring to is exaclty what you are saying here so it kinda cancels out Blair’s advice haha
Also if I may add: just because you’re in a relationship for a long time doesn’t make the sparks or love for the person go away if it’s real. You can have shared life goals all while having a great romance.
I also tried crazy and it blew me up in proportions. Compatibility matters and stimulating conversation too. Having shared goals gives you a better direction in your life. What Blair stated in her quote is more of an impulse before getting to bed; fiery, passion & lustful. When I was younger, that is what I wanted. As I grow up, I decided to blend in these feelings with more sensible thoughts on how to make the relationship be maintained and how both of us will grow out of it.