advice love & relationships wildheart
March 11th, 2015
The Three Words That Will Save Your Life
The other day I was standing in my bathroom. Absolutely, utterly furious. About something that now that I look back on it, was really not a big deal. AT ALL. And as I was fuming and aggressively putting my clothes on the hanger and throwing my shoes angrily into the closet, I had these thoughts: “This is BULLSHIT and I shouldn’t have to deal with any of this and I’m over it. ALL OF IT. I’M DONE!”
And with a furrowed brow and headache brewing, life things happened. Like my mom called. And my best friend texted. And my partner was talking to me. And I got an email notification on my phone.
And since I was in this state…how do you think I reacted to any of this stuff?
I flew off the handle of course! I didn’t have time or space for my mom or friend. I yelled at my partner. I felt overwhelmed by the person on my email demanding “so much of my damn time” and in this state I wanted to make decisions from this “I can’t do this anymore” place.
Have you ever been THAT mad?
You know the kind.
Where your face is red, and tears are streaming down your face, and you can’t believe you’re dealing with this same problem…AGAIN. Your heart is pumping. And you can’t possibly see a way out. You imagine that you’ll never get through this and that you’ll feel this way forever. That it’s all over. There’s no fixing this. There’s no going back.
And then….
It gets better.
You talk about it. You calm down. You come to a conclusion that serves you. You let some time pass and it just doesn’t bother you anymore. You work through it. You look at yourself and recognize your part in the problem. You forgive. Them and yourself.
And then you go on about life until the next upset happens and the cycle starts all over again.
I was thinking about this in my own life recently. At how permanent things SEEM but how impermanent they actually ARE.
That heartbreak that you thought you’d never get over? You get over it.
That incident that you thought would ruin your relationship? Doesn’t.
That feeling you have inside that you will never stop feeling this way? It goes away. Eventually.
That fear about traveling out of the country? It lessens as soon as you get on the plane.
The thought that you can’t handle whatever is being thrown your way? Not true.
That feeling that you’ll always be broke? Not the case.
But in those moments of anger or upset or fear or sadness, you can’t see anything else BUT all those emotions.
Which wouldn’t be the end of the world, if you didn’t also make decisions from this place.
Think about it. How many times have you been in a fight with your partner and thought something like this: “I can’t believe we’re fighting about this AGAIN. I can’t do this for the rest of my life” and then make the decision somewhere deep down that you need to leave?
Or even worse, have you ever been so upset or heart broken that this thought entered your mind: “If I wasn’t alive anymore, I wouldn’t have to experience this pain”?
And even if neither of these exact situations have happened, I’m certain you have your own version.
Because the thing that happens is that when we’re in heightened states of emotion, and don’t give ourselves the time and space to work through the emotion, we BECOME the emotion and make unconscious decisions for ourselves from that place.
It’s those moments when you decide to get a divorce. Or quit your job. Or stay at your job. Or give up on your biggest dream.
Because it’s just too much. In that moment.
And as I was thinking about this, standing in my bathroom, I said something out loud that changed absolutely everything for me. And I think it’ll change things for you. And here’s the secret…
THIS IS TEMPORARY.
That’s it. It’s temporary. Everything is. This too shall pass. (TWEET THIS!)
I know it doesn’t feel that way when you’re in the eye of the storm, but I think it’s important to remember that one hour can be wildly different from the last. And sometimes we’re only one hour, one minute, one conversation, one decision away from everything being great.
And so this is my hope for us all….
That when we’re in those moments when we think it won’t possibly get better, and we should give up, or make life altering decisions, that we just wait five minutes.
We say to ourselves “THIS IS TEMPORARY” and see what happens. (TWEET THIS!)
For me…what happened was that everything turned around. After the storm passed I was more in love with everything in a deeper and more profound way. And I imagine that’s always possible if we just realize that it is all temporary.
Will you take on the challenge? Are you prepared to try this for a day? A week? A month? Let’s discuss in the comments below. And if you liked this article, don’t forget to “like” it and share it with your friends.
XO,
Sally
PERFECT!!!!!!!
AHHH LOVE THIS! What resonated with you lady?
Sally this could not have come at a better time. As a fellow BSchooler going through the program for the 3rd time I KNOW these little episodes will come.
Thanks for sharing such a simple, yet powerful tool to stop ourselves from getting sucked down the negativity rabbit hole.
Much love,
Carly
Hey Carly!
You are SO welcome and thank you so much for reading! And yeah…I couldn’t believe how simple it’s been to calm myself down in these moments!
Keep rockin’
S
Wow! As I always say to my dearest friend,who also follows your blog…. I know it’s going to be a good day, when your blog comes out. Couldn’t be more perfect today! My business partner is driving me crazy, work is either too busy or not busy enough, my adult children are back at home, and some days it all seems like too much!
It would be so easy to make permenant decisions from this place…
Thank you so much for the reminder!
“THIS IS TEMPORARY.” Think I need that tattooed on me somewhere.
Ann
Hey Ann…awwwww!! You just absolutely made my morning by telling me that! :) And I hear you. It’s SO easy to go to that place. In fact, since I started paying attention, I realized I go to that black and white place really fast. Traffic?? I NEED TO MOVE! Bad hair day? CUT IT ALL OFF! Maybe it’s my Scorpio sense of drama but still. I look at these three words as my metaphorical chill pill and if you go get tattooed I’ll go with you! Thanks so much for your comment. XO
I had one of these moments yesterday, and last Sunday, and I know I will have another one again (and again). But now I will remember your words, and I know it will stop me from thinking of throwing in the towel in the moment EVERY time. I’m learning to ride out these waves of intense emotion and not make any decisions in my mind until I’m way on the other side. Thanks Sally!
Hey LIsa! Oh my gosh seriously! It’s a losing battle to think that we won’t ever feel these ways, which is why I like little tools like this to help get me through. I love what you said right here: “I’m learning to ride out these waves of intense emotion and not make any decisions in my mind until I’m way on the other side.”
YES!!! Ride the waves of intense emotions. Couldn’t be more true.
Thank you for your comment!
Great article, Sally. It is so easy to get caught up in what is happening to us that we forget we can control how we react and how we move forward. I think assuming positive intent from others and remembering we can and will overcome and move on are two of the best mental loops we can nourish within ourselves. Thank you for sharing!
Jessica
YES YES YES!! I couldn’t agree more lady! Thank you so much for reading and for your contribution and comment. Keep rockin!
Sally I found you on Marie Forleo’s website and googled you.. something just made me do it! Great great GREAT blog… This is temporary… So simple and yet SO profound and wise. Often it’s the most basic concepts that are the most insightful and just flat-out TRUE. Amazing how three words can honestly change the course of your life. I’m guilty of making decisions in the heat of the moment; you are so right. Thank you… :)
Hey Alex…oh wow! I love serendipitous meetings like that. I’m so glad you found me and that you found this article helpful. I absolutely agree with you that some of the most profound things are also the most simple. Thank you for playing along. Come by and say hello often!
XO
Sally
Perfect words. Perfect time. Thank you for sharing. xoxo
Thank you for reading. :)