June 10th, 2016
Confusion Doesn’t Exist…and why that’s a good thing
I’m gonna say something, and you might not like it.
You might not like it because it might knock down a wall that you’ve been building for awhile. A wall that you might currently be standing behind. It might make you question when you say certain things, and you might not be able to say them anymore. Which might upset you because you probably say this ALL the time.
Here’s what I want to say: CONFUSION DOESN’T EXIST
Here’s what I mean…
I have been coaching people for over 6 years now, consistently and constantly. I’ve probably talked to thousands of people in this time.
And most of the time, what we are all looking for is CLARITY. Which business avenue to choose, which partner to choose (or unchoose), which house to move into, which job to take or job to leave. Which opt-in to create.
It is the “not knowing” (ie the CONFUSION) on these questions that causes us all so much pain. The pain comes from not knowing. It also comes from imagining making the wrong decision and regretting it later.
Confusion is just your mind’s tricky way of saying “I know something I don’t want to know.” (Click to TWEET THIS)
How many times have you ever had thoughts like this: “Well if I move into this house, what if a better one comes along later?” or “But what if I break up with her and then I realize that she’s the one but she has already moved on?” or “what if I close my business and then decide I want it back again, won’t I look flaky?”
It’s questions like this, fears about the unknown, that keep us in a state of non-decisiveness, and when we’re in that place, we tell people we’re confused.
But the more people I talk to, and the more I live my own life, the more I believe the theory that I came up with years ago, which is that rarely, if ever, is someone confused.
Instead, what happens is that we actually KNOW something. We know the answer, deep down, and often very clearly. We hear it as a whisper. Or we feel it in our body. It’s that little voice inside of us that speaks the truth. But…we don’t like what it has to say. We don’t like it because what we hear is likely to cause us, or someone else we know and love some pain.
And since we reject and do anything we can to avoid pain, we will do everything we can to avoid having to make a decision that might lead to this pain.
And what better way to do that than to stick ourselves in a constant state of confusion?
There is no better way. Because as long as you stay confused, you don’t have to take action. (Click to TWEET THIS)
You can stay there waffling for a long time.
I believe it’s this place that causes us some of the most pain in our lives. Knowing something deep down, but being too scared to act on it. And then knowing that we know, but doing nothing about it enters us into a shame cycle where we feel bad about ourselves.
And when we feel bad about ourselves, it causes more pain. And we withdraw. And we hide. Which allows us to continue to stay “confused.”
But it doesn’t have to be like this. The more we are aware of what we DO know, they less likely we will be to enter this cycle. And really, it all starts with looking at our emotions and our pain, and seeing what’s there.
What’s underneath your confusion? What truth do you know but you don’t want to know? Are you afraid that leaving your partner will mean you’re alone forever? Do you believe that leaving your business will make you less important or interesting and thus less valuable? Do you believe that if you move to Bali that your family won’t support you?
I can see why, if you believe all of these things to be true of your own truths, why you wouldn’t want to act on them. But this is all very different than being “confused.” This is a different issue all together. This is just fear, and fear we can work with and move through by practicing courage.
So this post is to start the conversation and ask you to examine your own life and see where you might be feeling confused. Have you used that word lately? Where? Examine that and see what is there.
And here are some questions you can ask to do this and ways to get around it:
- Where am I currently confused?
- What do I KNOW to be true, deep down? (Ie “I know I feel scared about the possibility of knowing something that feels painful” etc)
- What am I most afraid of with this truth?
- What could be possible for me if I acted on this truth?
And of course I want to hear from you. Are you finding yourself “confused” right now? Are you kinda mad at my post being all like “But Sally…I actually DO feel confused right now…so what do I do with that?”
I want to hear your take on confusion in the comments below. And as always, if you appreciate this article, please “like” and/or “share” it with your friends. Mucho appreciation.
P.s. I’m doing something NEW!! Soon I will be opening an Online Kundalini Studio with live, streaming, yoga classes. It’s gonna be rad. Promise. Get on this list to make sure you’re in the loop when that goes live.
Hey Miz Sally Y’know what this reminds me of? In my work, we use the phrase, “Under the charge, it’s information” So there you are, “confusion” has got all the emotional + resistance charge to it, when underneath, just looking at the information can bring a TON of clarity.
Thanks for sharing! Miss you!!! xoxo <3
YESSS! Exactly. And all the “charge” becomes a distraction from what’s really underneath it all. A distraction in the same way that food or alcohol is. Something that takes you away from what’s really happening.
As usual, I’m loving your addition to the post and your insight. MISS YOU.
Really well put. Yes yes yes. Confusion = Fear.
This is great, Sally! I totally agree! In Thetahealing, we do fear work a lot and when people get to a place where they say “I don’t know” our response is always “What if you did know?” Because, well, we always know but sometimes that knowing is so hard to admit. I feel like what I used to think was confusion was just misunderstanding the emotions happening in my body. So now I really sit with them to learn who they are and what they are telling me.
I love your posts! :)