June 20th, 2011
Change, Being Weird. Riding Horses. Accidental Death.
I feel funny today. And change is weird. Especially for someone who doesn’t like change. Typically. Or at all, rather. I woke up with that panic feel in my belly. Worried. Scared things weren’t going to work out. Playing the “what if it doesn’t work out, what if everything goes wrong, what if I’m miserable and hate my RV trip” game. Wondering how on Earth I got myself here, sleeping on the pullout couch in my living room, amongst boxes and half packed things, all the rest of my stuff in storage, about to hit the road as a proper nomad, with nothing more than absolute essentials and one, undecided sized, suitcase. And that would be fine (maybe) if that were the only thing swirling around in my brain.
It’s like change after change is happening. Learning upon learning. Reflecting. Digging deep. Watching buried things rise to the surface. I used to have a recurring dream where I accidentally killed someone and was afraid no one would believe it was an accident, so I had to bury them somewhere and pray and hope that they would never be found. And always at the end of the dream, right before I’d wake up, someone was lurking dangerously close to my big secret and I was just about to be found out.
I feel like that right now (minus the murder). That things are now coming to the surface. Things I’ve deliberately and carefully hidden for so long.
I really, REALLLLLLY, hate to admit this, but I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t also about Wyatt Earp (ugh! Still!? REALLY?!) and my ex, and my dad, and probably everyone else I’ve ever met. I’m trying to undo all my bad habits and patterns of needing to be loved, so badly, by everyone, needing attention (ummmm…I do realize I’m writing this in a blog…some patterns take time I guess), wanting to have my way, needing to be the favorite. And all I can come up with is this: Whatever I’ve ever done before, in any of these situations…try my best to do the opposite. The only way to break an old habit, it seems, is to recognize that you do it, and then do something else. I’m trying over here. One step at a time.
Ugh, I feel sick to my stomach after writing that last paragraph.
I’ve talked a lot about “being with” whatever is showing up in your life. Just sitting with it, being aware of it, recognizing that it’s there, no matter how icky or uncomfortable you feel. And I don’t know about you guys, but honestly, I get really tired of doing that sometimes. I struggle with it. I keep trying, because I know it’s really important, and I know I want to be doing it, but I get exhausted. Like, I want a day off from my process or something. So what I find myself doing in those instances is distracting myself. With friends, activities, dinners, and drinks, and lake trips, and dancing, and get-togethers. Trying to fill in all the space between my thoughts because sometimes they just feel too big to contain in one little mind. One little body.
But after about 4 days in a row of those distractions. I’m spent. Wiped out. Because everything is still inside. Today I have the space and time, and I can’t not look at it. Can’t not sit with it. It’s like everything else in life. A journey and a process. I’m getting back on the personal-growth horse I fell off of a little bit. And that’s ok. I’m not perfect. There’s no right or wrong way to do my journey and my process. I just get to keep trying.
As I sit here in my packed up apartment, belly full of nausea, on the verge of vomiting I realize even more that I have absolutely no idea how my life is going to end up. How things are going to go. Where I’ll live, who I’ll marry someday, what my business will grow into, who I’ll meet along the way, whether or not I’ll ever get good at salsa dancing (or whether or not I want to). I have no idea what’s around the corner. We never do. I wish I could say that that thought excites me, fully. Right now, it scares me, but I can feel a tinge of excitement bubbling up, underneath.
What are you guys going through? Change happening for you too? Leave me a comment and let me know that we’re all in this together.
And as I write this, thinking about my process and reminiscing about the last month or so I’ve been here, my last month living in Oakland, I think back to all that I’ve experienced. Here’s a vid and some pics of many of the things that have happened along the way, in this here journey of mine.
When my life was a broken record of change after change, heartache, stress and inner turmoil, I came across this quote somewhere random…
Ask that what is happening to you is happening for a reason.
So I would repeat that to myself and TRY to trust that there was a reason for all this “out of sortness” in myself and my life. After awhile (and LOADS more uncertainty and chaos) I started to tell myself that there HAD to be a reason. The universe HAD to be prepping me to be and do so much more than I was capable of doing without these experiences. And it’s SO TRUE. I can finally say that I understand why I had to go through all of that in order to be the person that I need to be today.
It’s painful and hard and CRAZY UNCOMFORTABLE, but it IS all happening for a reason. You’re going through a time that is absolutely prepping you for the next evolution of your life, yourself, your business and the amazing things that are heading your way. So hold on tight and enjoy the ride sister, because you are going to be SO AMAZINGLY HAPPY and FULL OF JOY… and, if you can believe it, EXTREMELY grateful for this experience! Excited to be on this journey with you! xo
AHHH GIRL!!! You’re SO absolutely right and I love what you said about these times prepping us for whats to come. Oh man. YES YES YESSSSSS!!!!
Thank you for being here with me. It’s so much more fun to have you here. :)
12 years ago I packed up my bags and my 6-year-old son. Moved from Robins AFB, GA to Seattle, WA to embark on a new life of being a full time single parent. Scared the HELL out of me! 12 years later I wouldn’t have changed anything. Change is scary but necessary for growth. Embrace it. I’ve no doubt you’ll kick ass at this new chapter in your life and I look forward to hearing about your new journey.
Kimberly…WHOA!!! That is SO unbelievably brave of you. I can only imagine the courage you had to muster to do that.
Thank you for your advice and I am embracing it all. Even in the uncomfortable moments, I’m here, with it. Thanks for the push!
I have had my forceful change. My husband finshed his studies, we had no choice but to move out. I was thankful he was done but we were moving to North Carolina, not Kenya. I wanted the latter. So I have been forced to; I have to start a new. I want to hate, cry and complain, but I look out of my window on the lush green field outside and I say thank you, I know there is a blessing for me here.
There is a blessing for you in the journey and as you struggle you are giving birth to a new you, a better, stronger you. And you will look back and smile and wonder how you did it. For now keep make sure you write it all down, empty it. Have you heard of the morning pages.three long pages in the morning of all your raw emotions-everything-crude matter that no one will see. Make sure you use all the bad names for the you-know-who. Pour it out and go on,one day a time. The best therapy there is.
All the best
Hey Grace…WOW! What an amazing perspective you’re in, as you look outside to the green and be thankful. In those moments we get reminded how amazing life is, yes? I love what you said about giving birth to a new, better, and stronger “you.” AH! I totally agree. Anytime we push past something scary or hard, we grow. And look back fondly and with gratitude that we were able to get where we are now.
As for morning pages…YES!!! I used to do it and I think it’s absolutely time to strike that up again. Thank you for the reminder.
Dude. It’s not joke, every single freakin’ time I read your posts + comments it’s EXACTLY where I’m at.
I just started reading The Artists Way (after it had been sitting on my bookshelf collecting dust for the last 8 years)! I wrote my 1st set of morning pages, THIS morning. And WOW. Totally changed my mood, my outlook for the day – I got insanely productive and super focused.
Definitely a good practice to get into. Yay!!! :)
AHHHH! OF COURSE LADY!!!!! And yes, the morning pages are amazing. Let’s hold each other accountable, yeah? ;)
Change? Me? No, never! Nice and stagnant, ayup. Not a single thing different going on…yeah, nice and status quo. Nosireebob, err, I mean, nosireeSally…yeah, not like I just got fired from the wrestling promotion I was at for 8 years and am working on starting my own wrestling promotion and not like I’m working on my womens comedy group and trying to get them rockin’ and rollin’ and not like I’m just totally re-structuring everything, nope…nothing like that.
The killing thing? Let a pro educate you…never bury them in YOUR yard…find someone you really, REALLY don’t like and bury the guy in THEIR yard. It’s much more satisfying that way when they get caught for something YOU did…
Also, I need you, want you, and love you…oh, wait…you’re trying to get AWAY from that?? I mean, I have no need for you at all, don’t want you and kinda sorta hate you…is that any better?
Hahhahahahha! Good advice. Noted. :)
OH! and you had better visit Chi-town on your road trip or you’ll be in BIG trouble, young lady!!
Sally … Yet another wonderfully vulnerable and real post. Thank you for always being such a model of what it is to be a beginner and a beautiful human being. Oh did I mention another awesome video too! ;) Can’t wait to see where our unknown paths take us! Love you.
Thank you girl. I feel so grateful to have you as my partner in crime!
This is really inspiring to read, as always, Miss Sally. I’ve been feeling this way a lot lately, it’s really reassuring to read it coming from another person’s thoughts. And that excitement in the bubbling, it’ll be what takes over for you, I know it, but everyone needs the bubbling to bring things to the surface, even if it’s not the most pleasant process. New is rough to break in, but I have no doubt you’ll make it look fantastic as always Sally. Much love.
Ah thank you so much Miss Dana. I love what you said about “new is rough to break in.” SO RIGHT! It just reminded me of new boots. When you first get them, you’re really excited they’re there. But when you try to walk or dance in them, they’re too stiff, they’re not used to your feet yet, the leather is too stiff and they hurt. After you walk around in them for a bit, they fit like a glove. Same with growth I guess. We’re in the stages of the new boot. And eventually, after we walk around a bit here, it’ll feel comfortable. And we can go dancing without worrying about blisters. :)
Thank you for popping in. And for your support. Much love little lady.
Thank you mom. Sometimes I feel crazy for what I’m doing. Thanks for the reminder.
Nothing makes me happier than someone who is keeping it real, and you girl, are doing that. Sometimes when I question whether I am doing or did the right thing, I always go back to a quote I love- The Edge… there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. Hunter S. Thompson. Sometimes it takes diving head first off the cliff to find your wings to keep you afloat. If change was not scary, it would not be a challenge. This life is about being challenged and being able to overcome. You are going to ROCK it where ever the RV or life takes you.
STEPH!! My TWIN!!!! Thank you for writing and thank you SO much for sharing that quote. Holy cow…could it BE any more perfect? It’s so true. None of us know our edges until we’ve already leapt. And once we do…it’s time to find new cliffs to jump off of. I’m so sad we didn’t get more time together before I leave, but I know this is not the last of our friendship (by any means). You’re the bomb lady.
I can understand completely. I used to be terrified of change. It seems to me the time in my life when everything seems to be in upheaval, or floating, where I felt lost. Every aspect of my life was falling apart or just in a state of confusion, and suspension, parent issues, guy issues, self- issues. Its at these times I saw the need for change embraced it and never looked back. Sometimes out of pure ned of needing something other than the current path, and sometimes because , well why not. Its these crazy times that I learned to let go, and go with the flow. Now, I embrace change, even it seems uncomfortable or awkward, because I’ve learned not only is change is a part of life we can’t escape, but its part of our individual journeys that shapes the person we become. Without change there are aspects of our lives, our personalities maybe we’d never see. I love seeing where this next road, this next adventure in life is gonna take me. What part of myself I’m gonna learn about next. I think those of us that are free spirited, artistic and such are more intuitive to the times when we need to make a change. Our spirits need it, crave it. We crave the adventure, growth and freedom. When I was 17 I moved to Boston, and spent time traveling through the Northeast. When I was 20 I put my belongings in storage and moved with just a suitcase and my typewriter to Chicago, and ended up staying for over 5 years. The last time I felt that way I moved to Beijing , China. It was scary, and exciting and AMAZING! My adventures have taught me lessons and given me inspiration, I don’t think I’d ever known if I hadn’t embraced the change I’ve met people and experienced things that have change my life forever and I’m so happy and grateful for that. In your “change” journeys you not only grow and learn about yourself, but you inspire and change parts of others lives as well. You are a strong, independent , amazingly talented women. Anything life throws at you, you can handle, embrace and make your own. I really admire you for all that you contribute to this crazy world.
Mandara….I LOVE YOU!! This post is amazing and so full of insight, wisdom, and your amazing story of traveling around, learning, growing, and never looking back. I admire you and your courage. And I feel so lucky to know you now. I couldn’t agree more that without change, we don’t discover all these sides of ourselves that lay dormant when we lay dormant. Same goes for life experiences. We can’t see great things, meet great people, taste good food, when we’re stuck in the same places we’ve always been. Even though I say I hate change, I think that’s an old story. It even feels old from this morning when I posted it.
I love your perspective and I want to adopt it as my own. Remind me when I get scared, ok?
I feel so lucky to have you here, lady. My heart is expanded as I read this, and as I write to you now.
Things slow down as age creeps up and looking back there isn’t anything I’ve done that I regretted, because everything has made me who I am today and that’s a sound, secure, happy and self understood man. Even if I don’t have a ton of close friends and still feel at times like I want to be included or fit in, , or part of the cool crowd, I’ve given that up and let it go when I hit 40. 40 seems to have been the magical number for me for some reason. Like I stated, everything slowed down and I cared less than I did before, sometimes good, sometimes not so good. It sounds like you’re about to embark on a journey that I find myself longing for and I envy you. I think it would be a sense of freedom and a retreat from everyday life to make it what you want. The open road and stopping and seeing everything along the way, making new friends everywhere you go and possibly seeing some old ones long forgotten. I think in the journey alone you’ll discover a lot about yourself, but that self discovery should never go away and it’s those things you mentioned in your post that make you you are, what you are and now you just need to enjoy the ride and see where it takes you. Breaking the old to welcome the new is a great start, but not as easy as it sounds. Have a great trip and I’m sure we’ll hear about it along the way.
Aaron…my heart is beating faster from reading your comment. Thank you.
I love this:
” I think it would be a sense of freedom and a retreat from everyday life to make it what you want. The open road and stopping and seeing everything along the way, making new friends everywhere you go and possibly seeing some old ones long forgotten.”
You’re so right and thank you for giving me some perspective. I get so caught up in how weird and scary it feels at times that I completely forget that I’m extremely fortunate to even have this opportunity in the first place, that what lies ahead is so exciting and rich. That simply by going, I’m going to be growing. And that will remain with me forever. You will definitely be hearing from me along the way. Please stop in often.
Heya Sally! We’re totally in the same boat. I feel change happening ALL the time too! I swear, it’s like I can’t keep up anymore. The world is going on and on about everything, and I’m still here, in my little world of college requirements and random musings. But, you know what? I don’t think I’m that fearful of change because it’s the only thing that reminds me that life is still existent. Well, that I am still existent. After all, change is the only thing that’s constant. I think change is good more than bad because it makes everyday more interesting, mysterious, and fun. It’s like I don’t know what’s gonna happen tomorrow or later, and it keeps me excited about living life. Change makes life exciting because it gets us places. I think that sounded pretty logical… right?
AHH! I TOTALLY agree that change is what gets us places. It’s so true. I have that (cerebral) knowledge too. It’s just in these panic moments that I get all freaked out. Change is definite. And it’s exciting. !!!!!
Totally!!! Although sometimes, I hope some changes wouldn’t be too radical. I mean, some things are already great as they are, and a drastic change just makes them less great. I don’t know, but maybe, that’s just me.
I feel the excitement of the empty canvas spreading out before me
I look all around me and can’t find any paints
So I worry, and stew, and cry, and complain, but
Then I realize that all I need now is the VISION
The paints will show up when and where they are supposed to and
Most certainly not in the order or colors I would have planned
But more messy and beautiful and full of love than I ever could have imagined…
Love, messiness, and beauty to you Sally! :)
I love this. I love you. I want to know all about your canvas girl. Let’s get on the phone asap.
And I absolutely agree that we might not be able to see the finished painting at this point, but what shows up on there will probably be way more beautiful then we ever could have imagined. Can’t wait to see.
I feel like every time you write that you are in my head. Nice not to feel alone. Your trip will be awesome!
Terrah…girl…I spent tons of time on your site last night and have to say that I’m so in love with it. Your photos are beautiful, your info is cool, your site is killer.
I’m glad that the posts are resonating with you. I think one of the coolest things throughout this whole process for me is to know that we’re not alone. None of us. That we all experience the same things, and likely, are experiencing them at the same time. Let me know if you ever need any extra support. You’re the bomb, lady. I’m so glad we’re in touch.
wow. that means a lot to me. You have been a god-send and I can’t wait for you to start your trip!
go for it! own it! take LOTS of photos and have a blast!
Sally, You’re AMAZING!!
Hey Mark…THANK YOU!!!!! How’d you find me?
I know Nat From Accelerate. Love reading your stuff BTW. Write a book. Today.
Oh awesome!! Natalie is AMAZING. And…write a book eh??? That’s been on my mind a ton lately. :)
What, sir, would you like to see me write about?
Ahhh Sally, so much change happening for me too. The thoughts in my head make me feel nuts sometimes so it’s comforting to see that change affects all of us this way. While you’re out dancing to distract yourself, I’ve been hibernating! Your next adventures are going to be nothing but fun, I guarantee it. Pleeezzee teach me line dancing one day! :)
Uh oh Liz. You asked for it. Now, I can’t NOT teach you line dancing next time I see you. You better find a country bar out in NY for when I come visit. :)
And yes, hibernating is good too. Whatever it takes, right? I know change is natural and change is good, it’s just in those uncomfortable moments that we need to remember that. Hang in there lady. I’m here with you!
Sally…..ya know, I truly appreciate you, this blog, your videos of you boot scootin and tush pushin, crying and laughing and all the good and bad times we all go through to get us to the next point. We do all go through it, and change is hard and sucks and makes my stomach feel funny and insomnia takes me to bed at night. I spent what I was really hoping would be a mellow Father’s Day at the lake, actually packing my things that I halfway cared about into some boxes and sifting through what I truly wanted to continue owning in order to abide by the 3 day pay or quit notice on the place I stay.
So I guess I quit…and on to the next one.
It’s been 11 years since I watched my father get sick and die. I celebrate Father’s Day by lighting a candle for him each year, saying a mantra for myself and a few words to express the grief, frustration and anger, and then writing a letter to him and burning it to the sky. This year saw a change.
I asked my Pops for a little guidance. I thought maybe this year, on this day, he could give me a sign. Perhaps he could help me out and something might take a turn for the better. Kick me down with a lil something. For the first time in those 11 years, I actually wanted to sit down and talk to the guy, wishing he were here, tangible, in front of me. Maybe ask him for some advice. That won’t be happening, of course and it sucks, and I will keep pushing on without him like I have since I was nineteen years old. It’s nice to think about and imagine I suppose. Bottom line is that this thought is a welcome change, however, and it keeps the water flowing, the moldy growth to a minimum and stops the stagnant water from pooling up. At this moment I welcome change and would rather swallow some water, get pulled under the current a few times, but at least keep floating on, rather than wade around in the shallow muck growing green slimy stuff. At least I know there are friends along the shore who swim better than me and will pull me up if I go too far under.
You’re one of them, Sally. Life may transform our relationship from a high school, “Hey what’s up? I liked the poem you wrote.” to a chance meeting at the Trader Joe’s coffee pump to lake days and coffee dates, all with a decade plus gap in between.
Go embrace your new adventure. I will embrace mine. Just think of all the amazing stories and change we can share with each other in another decade!
K…Oh my god. What a beautiful post, full of insight and encouragement. I absolutely love the metaphor you used with the water. I too, would rather swallow some water on my way to floating down the river then staying in the stagnation. Life is funny. We can’t know anything about how it’s going to go, but yet we try, and then after things happen, we try to make sense of them, when really, there is no sense to be made. It’s all just a series of events, chance encounters, happy things, sad things, pain and pleasure.
I love that we’ve connected again and that we’re both on an unknown path. Who knows where we’ll end up? And…who cares? :)
Much love my dear,
You’re awesome Sal. The fact that you’re stressing about the unexpected changes means it’s going to bring HUGE and MASSIVE wonderful positive growth to you :) and that is completely wonderful. I do the same thing…the belly aches and lurking nervous feelings too. But, ALWAYS after I do whatever the big bad scary thing is I’m always super proud of myself that I did. And whenever the belly aches win…I regret that I did not take the risk. I’m so proud and happy for you doing this RV trip. You’re going to impact and effect SO many peoples lives in a terrific way :) I just know it. Sometimes we need to not be such control freaks and have faith. Currently, I have the same nervous pit in the bottom of my stomach. I decided to begin living alone and I didn’t know that could freak me out so bad! All of a sudden I’m living alllll on my own…little scary for the first time. I’ll be okay, but I will not quite stressing until I prove to myself that I can. I know it’ll be good for me as this will for you. You coming around New Mexico anywhere close?? xooooooooooooooxoxoxoxox
Kirra…my dear. It is so amazing to hear from you on here. And oh my gosh girl…what wise words you have here. Seriously…you’re absolutely right. That bypassing the fear and doing something scary ALWAYS produces the most amazing things.
And girl…CONGRATS on living on your own. WWOWOOWOWOWOOWOWOOWOWOWOW!!!! I get such an excited feeling for you while thinking about that. I bet there is so much learning and growing that you’re experiencing. And with you being so bright and so aware, you are probably taking it all in and enjoying the complexities of the emotions. I want to hear more! And I’m not sure if we’ll be going through NM. I’d love to. And if we do, you are already on my list of people to visit.
Sally, I am so in love with your videos… Jason Aldean..wow girl you really are going “cowgirl” on us! If while on your amazing travels of which I am so jealous, you find your self in Tennessee in need of some “home cooking” (won’t be like your mom’s but my husband can bbq as well as the best of them). Or you and Natalie want a hot shower or a real bed….Please call, There are awesome line dancing bars here…I’d love to see you and I feel like I know Natalie too! You can even park the RV and take my car around…whatever you want…No pressure..and if not this time…next time as I don’t think this will your last big adventure. Not by a long shot!!!
Oh here… (615) 972-4382 “Moi!”
Dude! I don’t know why it took so long to find this post…
First off, you’re totally awesome! Embrace yourself in all your awesomeness and sometimes (un)awesomeness. It’s just you, Coach. Lastly, have a little faith sistah. Seriously, unwavering faith that everything will work out just as you truly want it is a powerful position to be in. When I do it, it takes me out of the equation. It’s like riding down a class V rapid baby, hands free, “rollin’ on the river.”
Well looky who’s coaching who??? (Dear self: practice what you preach)
And you’re absolutely right. In those scared moments, it’s hard to have faith that it’ll all work out, but the second I step out of my head, I realize that my life is amazing and things always work out. Thanks for the reminder.
hello lady.. it’s this feeling of being pregnant and empty at the same time. yes, that’s it, for me, maybe for you, too? a moment of absolute possibility, leap of faith, into the darkness, that can kill you, can shatter all your dreams, break your heart (oops, that was already broken..) … OR a leap into the light, into the possibility of Grace, Trust and Divine Dance that only the brave ones are lucky to join.. those who still believe in miracles and “happily ever after”- marry yourself, woman. i’d marry you, if i wasn’t more interested in men ;) i love your posts. thank you. bon voyage, to the other side.
Riikka! Thank you so much for writing in. I’m bummed we didn’t get more time to hang out while I was here but I look forward to keeping in touch throughout my travels. I love what you said about feeling both pregnant and empty. So much possibility of what lies ahead, but yet a bit of sadness to go. I’m sort of there. I recognize that there are many emotions that are showing up all over the place. But the prominent one is that I’m really looking forward to see what adventures lie ahead.
I LOVE what you said about marrying yourself. What a great concept! So simple and so necessary. I think I shall have a ceremony tonight. :)
i look forward to keeping in touch, too!!
buy a ring, a wedding ring, to yourself
and make it the most beautiful ceremony, ever
marry your Self, with capital S and you will never be left, ever again…
..but instead you will have so much to give to yourself and to the lucky Someone who finds you… i send you so much love and gratitude for
being the Bright Star….
I’ve been dying to comment on this post all weekend. I freaking love this. I use to get angry at not being able to see the future, it was always cloudy, a thick fog. It still is, but nowadays I embrace the fog, revelling in its mystery and magic. You’re embarking on something that will change you in ways you won’t even realize, and what that will do is enforce your beautiful spirit for what comes next – gifts or challenges. Be honest with yourself, are you the kind of person who wants a boiler plate, charted life? Ahhh nooo. Neither do I, and once I accepted that, the strange, scary, while still there, is that much easier to embrace.
Did I say again how much I heart these videos? I DO. :)
Lady lady lady!! Thank you so much for your comment and I TOTALLY agree that embracing the mystery and magic of the foggy parts of life (which, in reality, is ALL of life if you think about it) is the way to go. You’re also right on about the charted life. Every time I find myself fantasizing about the simple life with the house and the kids and the picket fence and a 30 year mortgage, I know that I’m just afraid of the unknown. Although that stuff definitely lives inside me as a PART of my value system, it’s not all of it. And there’s no rush.
So yes, my dear, I’m embracing this new chapter and new excitement about what experiences are in store for me. I love watching you go through your process and I imagine there will be many parallels in our journeys. I look forward to supporting each other all along the way!
So glad to have met you girl. All I see in you is a star! I know I don’t know all of your life but what’s so bad about wanting to be loved by everyone, to be the favorite, to be the center of attention. My friend has this character code system and what you describe that character code is the Actress. You just need people who can hold and honor that space for you, knowing that’s who you are. At least that is what I have learned through her system. Of course a little change is good to :) LOL!
Regardless whatever you are doing I feel your heart girl! Whether you are the center or taking a back seat :)
And thanks for being real, girl! It’s refreshing :) As for me…for some reason I’m stuck in this comparison phase to other coaches and speakers. I see there BIG success and I ask myself why am I not there yet? What is taking so freaking long? LOL! It’s really silly! But that is what has been coming up for me lately!
Oh my god girl…i’m sorry it took me so long to respond but with all the moving it’s been CRA!!
Thank you so much for this message. It has filled my heart. And I love what you said about the character code. I think it’s SO true that all we need to do is be who we are and find people that hold that space for us in a way that lets us flourish. YES. Exactly.
As for you, I think it’s super natural to compare ourselves to others. And when I see that happening, it usually means that there is some huge growth right around the corner. That things are changing for you, in a big and amazing way. SO EXCITING! I can’t wait to see how everything unfolds. Things always seem like they take a long time but all we can do is take the little steps along that way that eventually turn into something huge blowing up when we least expect it. I know you know this. :)
Also…keep up the dancing. Someone’s gotta hold down the fort at the Saddlerack.
My heart goes out to you and that reached full tilt when I read your words, ” I’m spent. Wiped out. Because everything is still inside.”
I think I can help. By directing you to someone who learned something that, when I learned it, I started GETTING THE CRUFT OUT OF ME.
Really. I am watching my life change. I observe myself behaving differently, because the cruft is not there any more.
So, meet Brandon Bays: http://www.thejourney.com/
I don’t know her and she doesn’t know me, but I read her book, “the Journey” and it resonated. The friend who lent it to me has learned to guide Journeys and I asked for her help. I was blown away, and then I started noticing my new behaviours.
I’m integrating it with my own healing/coaching work.
I’ll leave it at that.
Hey Nicole…awesome! Thanks for the rec. I will check it out.
And yeah, I’m loving going through the process, even when I’m wiped out by it. It’s just in those moments. There are so many moments all along the journey and literally, for me they change all the time.
Life is so cool! All the different emotions to experience. Thank you so much for writing and I look forward to keeping in touch.