Dear Sally,

I’m a 33 year old man and I’m dating a 21 year old. I don’t think it’s very serious. She’s really nice, but I have no idea what she wants with me, and honestly, sometimes the 12 year age difference is really weird. Any advice on what I should do?


Hey Jimmy,

Well before you decide what to “do” it’s first important to know what YOU want out of the relationship. Is this just a fun, hanging out, person to fill time with for now? Or are you wanting to build a relationship? Once you know what you want, it’ll be easier to talk to her about what she wants, and to communicate to make sure you both are on the same page. There’s nothing worse than when one person wants something different than the other person, and it doesn’t get communicated about. That’s when people get hurt.

So do these three things:
1) figure out what you want; 2) figure out how you feel about her/the relationship; 3) Communicate. If you don’t know what she wants, ask her. Everyone craves honesty but most people are too scared to bring it up. Once you’ve done 1 and 2, you can say something like “hey…I just want to be up front and let you know where I stand and what I’d like to see happen and I want to hear how you feel and what you want” sorta thing. And when in doubt, listen to Billy Idol.