March 21st, 2013
It was a warm Saturday afternoon and the road ahead of me seemed to go on forever. Highway 89, from White Sulfur Springs to Bozeman was as empty as can be. It was just one straight road, endless sky, and mountains surrounding me. And every once in awhile I’d see a pasture of cows or horses. This particular day, I noticed something I had never seen before, living in suburbs and cities of California. It seemed that every pasture I drove by, had little, baby animals. Calves. Little lambs. The babies standing by their mothers. Wobbly. Cute. Small.
I looked up at the sky and realized it was spring. The sky was blue. The mountains were beginning to show their colors again. Snow was melting, the sun was shining and I was wearing a tank top.
“I made it,” I thought.
I made it through my first winter. And on the other side of it is tank tops and…baby animals.
And this got me thinking of the cycle of life. Every year, the same things happen at the same times. Winter is for nesting, nourishing, building, growing, so that there can be a re-birth or a birth in spring. Summer is so that these new beings being born can grow and flourish without the harsh conditions of winter, have enough grass and hay to eat, so that by the time the next winter comes around again, they are strong enough to survive. And this is how it goes, every year. It’s a cycle.
The seasons don’t have to “try” or do anything to change, they just do. It’s their natural way. Animals don’t make cognitive decision about when to have a baby, they just do it when the season is right in order for their youngin’ to survive. And this is how life has operated for all of time.
And this all reminded me of how I’d been feeling lately. I know Wildheart Revolution has been growing inside me. It’s been building. I’ve been pregnant with possibilities. Yet for awhile I was so antsy for the birth itself. “What’s my baby gonna look like?” “What’s it gonna be?” “How will I know when the time is right?” “What if I’m a terrible mother?” “Maybe I should just not have a baby…seems like an easier way to live.”
Basically the opposite of the letting it be. Letting it grow as the time is right. And I think we all do this to some degree. Try too hard. Push it too much. Forget to let the flow of life just happen. Trust that we’re doing everything we can with what we’re given right now, and then let it go.
I hit a wall last night. The last wall, I hope. Where I’ve made a decision. The way I’ve been doing things up to now is no longer working for me.
It’s spring and with spring comes new beginnings. Although I’m not literally giving birth, I am absolutely figuratively giving birth. To Wildheart Revolution. And to the life that being the leader of that Revolution requires. Fierce courage is what it takes to live the life that you know in your heart is waiting for you.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve definitely been hanging on to remnants of my old selves, and it no longer serves me, and I’m over it. The self that is insecure, and afraid to not be loved. The one that worries that whoever won’t like me if I don’t do whatever thing. The one that doesn’t value her voice enough to even speak it. The one that grasps for love, filling in the gaps of old wounds that happened a million years ago. It’s an old story and even I’m bored by it by now.
And so I’m making a decision to love that girl for who she is…an aspect of myself that no longer serves me.
She may still be in winter, but I’m ready for spring.
Kind of like an old friend you’ve been hanging onto just because you’ve been friends for a long time, even though you have nothing in common anymore.
Out with the old, in with the new.
New chapter. New season. New birth.
And I can’t wait to eat the hay and graze in the grass of this new beginning. So far it tastes goooooood.
What in your life is wanting to be birthed right now? What is the “old” that you need to get rid of to make room for the “new?” Leave a comment below to share.