April 29th, 2011
In the past, I’ve never been someone who likes change. I’m happy to eat the same breakfast for months in a row, I lived within a 45 minute radius from where I grew up my whole life until two years ago, I tend to order the dishes I know I like at restaurants, and I usually stay in wrong relationships way too long. I’ve been experimenting lately, as you know, with switching things up. Living/working in Costa Rica, for over a month. We are now five days away from our departing flight and all kinds of crazy stuff is happening for me. I’m getting stomachaches, I haven’t been sleeping well, and I’ve developed a cough.
For virtually five weeks, I’ve felt almost zero stress. Although things have come up, nothing has spun me into a nauseous mess. I’ve had space and time to just be, live my life healthily and happily. And as I sit here in the morning, laundry blowing on the line, thinking of all the “stuff” awaiting for me at home (real and perceived), I get worried. I get stressed. It feels heavy and too much. And I’m sad to leave. Leave all the amazing things I’ve discovered about my life and myself here.
I know all of the clichés are true: “When one door closes, another one opens.” Or, “its not an ending, but yet the beginning of something else.” On a cerebral level, I understand all of that. Doesn’t change the fact I’m still going to miss waking up to the jungle sounds and the monkeys outside my window, looking out to a field of green trees. I know the trick for me right now is to enjoy it all while I’m here and try to bring home with me as much of what was amazing about my experience here.
My eyes have been opened to a new way of life. I’m changed. And I’m happier.
So, I’ve come up with a list of things I want to bring home with me.
Things I want to remember. Things I want to put into my carry-on bag.
Directly from my diary, it reads:
1) Say YES to opportunities that show up
2) More physical activity on a daily basis
3) More stretching
4) Less Internet
5) More calmness
6) More fun with friends
7) More vulnerability
8) More nature
9) More pushups
10) More minimalism
11) Less distractions
12) More quality connections
13) More time and space
14) More reading
15) Less meat
16) More adventures
17) More Natalie
18) More music
19) More water (both drinking and swimming)
20) Less underwear
21) More dresses
22) More sunshine
23) Less cell phone
24) More videos and photos
25) More giggling
26) More creative business scheming
27) More writing
28) More Inspired Everything
29) Less hiding
31) More realness
32) More random dance parties
33) Less clothes
34) More vitamins
35) More early to bed early to rise
36) More fruits and veggies
37) Find the people that truly love me for who I am and hang out with them more
38) Keep saying YES, especially when it’s scary, or doesn’t make “sense”
I’m on the verge of some things that scare me. And I’m afraid to go back home, and lose everything beautiful about my experience here. But I realized last night that the magic about this experience lives in me. Costa Rica was just the backdrop. There will be many more backdrops and I get to carry this magic around with me always.
We always think that certain people are brave and certain people aren’t. Like you see someone doing something amazing or risky or out of the box and we think “oh…he/she is so lucky that they’re not afraid to do x, y, z.” And I think we have it wrong. There’s no gene for fear busting. Those “other” people don’t have some kind of insider knowledge that we don’t have that helps them go do said thing. It’s more that they do the scary thing anyway whether or not they’re afraid. The insider knowledge they do have is that they just HAVE to do it. They feel called. They can’t not. I felt that way with Costa Rica. I felt called. It needed to happen. And it has changed me in ways I never imagined it would. I didn’t even think about it before I left. Just bought the ticket and hopped on the plane. Nothing that showed up was anything I actively sought after, but everything I needed to learn.
Whatever it is you’re scared to do right now, please just do it. I’m asking you nicely. There’s something inside you, wanting to come out and play. Let it. There is never going to be a better time.
Here’s a video I made documenting part of my fear process with this trip and how unbelievably happy I am that I pushed through.
If you dig this post, share it with anyone you think it’ll touch. And leave me a comment and let me know which part resonated with you the most. See you on my next adventure.