January 23rd, 2013
Not Until We Are Lost Do We Begin To Find Ourselves.
No one likes the feeling of being lost. Like utterly, truly, lost. And we fight it like crazy. It’s why people hire life coaches.
I’ve been hearing this a lot lately, from friends and clients, that the source of their pain is this feeling of being “lost.”
“I just don’t know what I want to do in my life,” or “I don’t know what my purpose is.”
And I believe that this isn’t true. I believe that we’re never truly lost. We all know, deep inside what we want, what we’re meant for. It might not come through in details or super specifically, but we all know. We have a feeling. Deep down, and it’s always been there. The problem is that it’s scary. Or we don’t know how to make it happen. Or it seems so impossible. Or we have no clue how to make money at it. So instead of really dealing with those feelings, we become “confused” and we feel “lost.”
I think feeling “lost” is a good thing. It means that whatever we’re feeling right now and thinking about right now is reallllllly close to the thing we’re supposed to be doing. Our minds or bodies or consciousness or whatever is trying to give us information. It’s saying…yes…that thing you’re struggling with and thinking about IS the thing you should do.
So I know it’s uncomfortable, in these times. You probably hate it and want to stop feeling lost already. But there is wisdom here, and if you listen, you’ll find exactly what you’re looking for.
And if you have no clue how to do that…join a community. Hire a coach. That’s what we’re trained to do. Shine the light in the dark, lost places.
Have you been feeling lost lately? What is it that you know, deep down? Leave a comment below and share with anyone you think will like it! And if you’re not already on the mailing list…GET IN THERE! I let you know when cool stuff happens around here.
I don’t even think that feeling lost is the problem. it’s the shame again. it’s the feeling that we ‘shouldn’t’ be feeling lost. the feeling that we ‘should’ know where we’re supposed to go next. being lost doesn’t feel bad. thinking we should be found feels bad. at a byron katie workshop i was at, the facilitator, tom compton, often said, ‘the resistance to the disturbance is the disturbance’. i went to him with heartbreak that had lasted years and he said, ‘what i want you to sit with is how it might actually serve you, her and the whole world if you were to never, ever get over this heartbreak.’ and i did. and i saw it. and the tension around it melted. it wasn’t the heartbreak that felt the worst – it was the feeling that i shouldn’t be feeling it. and i find that feeling lost is often this overwhelming feeling where it seems like nothing is clear . . . but in my experience there’s always something that’s clear. even if it seems so small. and when we focus on it, it expands. as lynne twist says, ‘what we appreciate appreciates.’
and to take an even deeper cut, when we feel lost is when we’re in a new territory and we’re growing. or our old world has fallen apart. feeling lost is such a powerful (even if excruciatingly uncomfortable) initiation into something more true (if we’re open to it). “Destiny is the inevitability of coming closer to yourself.” – eb
feeling lost means the old maps aren’t working anymore and we need to find some maps that are more true.
and the beautiful part of that is that we now have a map to offer to others who are lost like we were. whenever i see someone really lost in their life, i feel excited for them because i know they’re being initiated into being able to help people like them down the road.
” Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation. ” -Elizabeth Gilbert
“Life is glorious, but life is also wretched. It is both. Appreciating the gloriousness inspires us, encourages us, cheers us up, gives us a bigger perspective, energizes us. We feel connected. But if that’s all that’s happening, we get arrogant and start to look down on others, and there is a sense of making ourselves a big deal and being really serious about it, wanting it to be like that forever. The gloriousness becomes tinged by craving and addiction. On the other hand, wretchedness–life’s painful aspect–softens us up considerably. Knowing pain is a very important ingredient of being there for another person. When you are feeling a lot of grief, you can look right into somebody’s eyes because you feel you haven’t got anything to lose–you’re just there. The wretchedness humbles us and softens us, but if we were only wretched, we would all just go down the tubes. We’d be so depressed, discouraged, and hopeless that we wouldn’t have enough energy to eat an apple. Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us. They go together.” ~ Pema Chodron
I think you are the king of quotes. And I love the idea that gloriousness and wretchedness go together. And in such amazing ways. Inspiration and softness. So necessary in life. Thank you again for your amazing insight.