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On Being A Mean Girl In The Past, Getting Help, And Why I Wildheart Now.

On Being A Mean Girl In The Past, Getting Help, And Why I Wildheart Now.

I was a horrible bitch in high school.
One of the ring leaders of the mean girl clique.

A bully. A gossip. And just generally a nasty person to be around.

I knew at the time that this wasn’t who I really was. Wasn’t who I’d ever been before.

But with the hormones of a 15 year old, and MAJOR life changes and confusion, I hardly had a chance.

I didn’t know how to channel the devastation and anger of losing my dad suddenly to a biking accident.

Or the confusion of being broken up with by my first love.

Or being diagnosed with depression AND narcolepsy within a two-year span.

So I did the only things I knew how. I internalized it all. And then I took it out on other people.

My mom tried to get me to go to therapy and all attempts were fruitless. I didn’t like the way they talked to me.

She tried to talk to me herself, and it didn’t work.

And my friends didn’t understand and didn’t know how to help me.

It seemed that there was NO ONE I could relate to properly.

Fast forward to earlier today. I was asked “if your high school self could see you now, what would she think?”

And the answer is, she’d think “THANK GOD.”

And she’d think “SHOW ME!! Teach me. Help me.”

I think she would see me as someone like her…who could actually help her. And she’d feel grateful she wasn’t alone.

I didn’t have this in high school.

I didn’t have a role model or example of the type of person I wanted to be like.

I didn’t have anyone to call me on my bullshit and love me through my pain in the way I needed to be loved.

I didn’t have someone to tell me “there are other fish in the sea and all that, but who cares anyway because you’re rad and you just gotta keep living your life”

Or someone to really explore my feelings about death.

I didn’t have any of that back then— but later on, I was lucky enough to have a series of mentors and coaches who helped me along the way and ushered me towards my spiritual revolution.

And honestly, it was the right mentorship that completely changed my life.

Without my mentors, I don’t think I would have left my ex, traveled for two years straight, learned to truly love myself, understand myself and self-reflect, and I definitely wouldn’t be in Montana.

We don’t always know where to turn when things get tough. And the options out there don’t always seem like they’d be helpful.

Which is why I’m so passionate about creating the Wildheart Revolution.

It’s the kind of thing I would have wanted back in high school. And it’s the same thing I still want now.

A group of amazing people who all have the same goal: To live a #wildheart life.

A life of consciousness and fun and aliveness and spark. Truth, vulnerability, kick-assness, and love.

It’s not one of these things…it’s all of them.

Because you are not one thing. You are everything.

You may not be dealing with the same issues I was in high school. (Or maybe you are! It seems like the lessons never stop coming.)

But let me be YOUR mentor, your guide—through whatever and wherever you want to go.

Let me (and the other Wildhearts) be the support you may have never had—and the group that could change your life beyond belief.

Registration is currently closed but will be open again within days. Put your name in the box below to be the first to find out as soon as the doors swing open.

Be the FIRST to know about all things Wildheart
+ get Sally’s guide to living a Wildheart life

It’s mentorship and community love set ablaze. And I can’t wait to get my #wildheart on with you.

The doors to the Revolution will be open very soon.

We’re working very hard over here at the Wildheart Ranch to create something worthy of your participation.

(And adding in some special touches I know you’ll love!)

You won’t want to miss out, because the first Wildhearts through the door get a VERY special place in the Wildheart Revolution.

I don’t want to sound like a tease, but I have to make you wait just a little longer to see what it’s all about!

But if you sit tight I promise to make it worth the wait. Make sure you get your name on the list to get more info as soon as it’s gosh dern ready.

So where in your life could you use some support? And how has mentorship has helped you along the way?

Did you have to get over being a high school bully—or did you need to get over BEING bullied?

Either way, I wanna hear, Wildheart!

Leave a comment below.

We’re oh so close, Wild One.

Xo, Sally

 

 

 

 

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19 Responses to On Being A Mean Girl In The Past, Getting Help, And Why I Wildheart Now.

  1. Emily says:

    I was recently diagnosed with epilepsy and it’s been a very frustrating process. I’ve had it for years, but was only recently diagnosed. Getting in touch with my doctor, dealing with finding the right medication, and just trying to understand how my life is going to change has been disheartining and difficult. I have an amazing support system of people who love me and are doing their best to help, but I feel like I’m burdening them when I ask for a hug or support.

    Fortunately, I have a family member who is a retired neurosurgeon and he wants to take a look at my records and give his opinion. I hope the hospital won’t take forever to send him the records. Until then, it’s an exercise in patience.

    • Sallyhope says:

      I’m guessing lady that the people who love you WANT to be there for you and don’t see it as a burden. Don’t forget to reach out. :) Perhaps you’ll join the Wildheart Revolution and be locked into an awesome community of people who want to do just that.

      As for the surgeon in the family…heck yes! It’s always so helpful to have Dr’s in the line.

  2. This is intriguing to me. I was just the opposite in high school. I was the outcast, the one that (at least for a bit) got picked on. I later found my ego and aggression, along with a love for fitness, and while still an outcast, people learned not to mess with me, as I was the psycho guy who would drop them in a heartbeat. Kind of like the X-Men’s Wolverine, where I was the crazy guy who never gave up, and did whatever it took.

    There were some times when I used my psychotic gimmick to my advantage. It was much like My Bodyguard, where I was the crazy guy defending the smaller kid from being bullied. There were times when I had to step in and defend some other kid from being bullied.

    Fast forward to my 20 year reunion. I’m still mostly a loner, but (despite it sounding like a wrestling promo), I’m doing exactly what I said I would, I said I would be in wrestling, and I am. Granted, I am not an on-camera performer, but I’ve managed to find my own niche in this business.

    Interestingly enough, all the “cool” kids ended up fat and out of shape, and reminding me of Al Bundy from Married With Children. Reminiscing about high school, the one time when they mattered. Being loud and obnoxious drunks, getting as plastered as they possibly could, and generally being an arse overall. None of them appeared to have much going on, which is about par for the course for people that were more concerned with how “cool” they were in high school.

    It just goes to show that you need to #Wildheart and find our own path, regardless of how much of an outcast it makes you. As far as bullying, I still maintain that everything that happens in life is an experience that shapes you in the future. That’s not a defence of bullying, that’s just stating that everything you experience in life has a part in shaping what you do later.

    • Sallyhope says:

      Hahaha! Isn’t it funny how we all end up? How in high school being cool seems the end all be all, and almost always it’s those people that end up staying in their hometown trying to relive those high school years over and over.

      Thank you for sharing your story. So amazing that you knew back then you wanted to be in wrestling. Look at you go!

      And YES…it all does go to show we all need to #wildheart and find our own path. I’m glad ours converged. Your endless support and encouragement and involvement means the world to me.

      WILDHEART FOREVER!

      • I’ve known what I wanted to do since about age 14. I can expand, I can shift in different directions, I can do everything except quit, because it’s been part of my life for so long, I can honestly say I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I didn’t have this business…

  3. I have been tested for Asperger’s four times since I was 15. I have an issue with crowds (and people touching me in crowds). But more so, I get hyper-focused and I don’t really care what other people are doing. I know there were people in high school that couldn’t stand me because I literally took all AP classes and never took a school book home. I never even bothered carrying a backpack. What most people didn’t know was that I was suffering from severe depression. I’ve battled it for over 10 years and it was mostly because I wasn’t being my true self either.

    Excited about your new group!

    • Sallyhope says:

      Girl thank you so much for sharing. It’s brave to do that! And kind of a relief (that’s how I felt). We all are fighting battles it seems. And on the surface none of us have any idea it’s happening. I hope you will join me in the Wildheart Revolution lady!! I think you’ll find it awesome.

  4. Hell yes girl! Thanks for sharing your high school experience with us – and for working so hard to both create a wildheart revolution AND live it in your own life. You’re an inspiration in everyway.
    I was made fun of quite a bit from elementary all the way through to high school. I’m not sure that I’ve fully forgiven it yet or moved passed it. The little girl in me is hurt and still wants approval and to be well liked by everyone. Slowly but surely I’m doing the work to shift this, in no small part thanks to all the coaches + mentors + friends who have helped me to realize that I’m enough, just as I am.
    Can’t wait to see what the wildheart revolution has in store! Mwah!! xoxo

    • Sallyhope says:

      Hey lady! And thank you for sharing YOURS. Man…we all went through so much back in those high school. It’s amazing any of us survive.

      And I love your messaging. It breaks my heart to think that you might not know how sweet, smart, interesting, fun and all around amazing you are. But I suppose we all work on this. This is where so much of our pain comes from.

      I love you lady. Grateful to have you in my life.

  5. Denise says:

    This really hit me because I was the same in high school. Gods, what a sarcastic bitch I was. I knew how to make the most cunnig remarks, were to hit them to create the most painful joke. Luckily I didn’t stick with it very long, because with every cutting remark I also hit myself. Today I know that I did it because I needed to somehow deal with my pain, and I didn’t know how to do that, and because I wanted to be looked up to, and maybe even feared a little. I was always a loner, a bit strange, and wanted to overcome that with my wits. Which is even more silly, since I actively choose to stay away from most people my age. But I guess it made me feel powerful to be awful. Luckily I overcame this behaviour quickly; it’s such a stark contrast to how I actually am that I couldn’t pull it off for long.
    And your question really got me thinking. The first thing that came into my mind was a big, relieved “I am so glad”, and then a “I’m proud of you” and then even a little “I KNEW I’m not a lost cause!” I think she would be glad that I found contentment and that I don’t need to belittle others in order to validate myself anymore. She would be glad that throughout the year I learned to be more relaxed but that I didn’t give up my ideals. She would be amazed at my capacity for kindness and forgivingand that I strived to be someone I would like to have as a friend. And I think she would be glad that I’m still saying “Just you wait- I’m capable of way more”.
    It’s funny because I’m at a huge turning point in my life right now and lately I felt like I haven’t changed at all in the past years, and in someways I haven’t. I’m the same person, just…more, I guess. Isn’t it funny how from day to day you think nothing changes, but if you look back, everything is different?

    • Sallyhope says:

      “But I guess it made me feel powerful to be awful.” Yes. That’s how it was for me too. And it makes me so sad.

      I love what your high school self would think of you now. It really speaks to the fact that we all want to have support and help and examples. Even bullies. Probably especially bullies.

      Sounds like you’ve had a pretty cool journey. Thanks for sharing it.

  6. Anna says:

    Thanks for sharing your experience! excited for all the new stuff coming!

    So in my life now I could use some support with uni. I am in my last year of uni, last semester, and at the end we have to hand in a big final assignment thingy. and I feel so lost with it. I keep changing my mind and nothing seems to excite me. I just wana quit. I just feel so unmotivated. and nothing seems to help. so I could use some support with that.

    I guess my parents have always been big mentors for me. but its hard with this because I do photography at uni and its kinda hard to explain things to them (cuz they aren’t really into art or anything) and arrggggh its all just a big ball of confusion.

    High school was kinda shit for me because of bullies. I feel pretty over it now I think. I wish i had stood up for myself better etc now, but I also wish I had tried talking to them and asked why they were like they were, because I always knew there was a deeper reason for them being like they were.

    • allyn says:

      i wrote a big thing and it was deleted when i didn’t fill out the required fields – blast! i’ll try to pour my heart out all over again. i find it most coincidental that this is your post today. i just started therapy this morning and a great deal surfaced about my highschool experience. as you know both of my grandparents were very sick and eventually passed. (and as you know, they were basically my parents.) i felt very angry and alone. i certainly lashed out at my boyfriend a lot, because i felt comfortable with him, but aside from that i became incredibly introverted – which has NEVER been my nature. i wasn’t me. i felt like i was on an island all alone. fellow students would try to reach out to me “i have a grandpa/grandma that’s suffering from cancer too.” it just made it worse. all i thought was “yeah, that relative sends you a birthday card once a year, maybe you see them on occasional holidays… i am going home to a house of sickness and sadness with the people that raised me, and i’m on the verge of being kicked out of school because i spend more time in the cancer ward than i do in class… you don’t understand.” and my school didn’t understand! i went to the counselor for help, because i was a straight A student, aside from attendance, and he basically told me i should go the school where the kicked-out kids go – a diploma from that school would have never gotten me into college. i’ve probably told you this, but the day i knew my grandma was going to pass it was either go to school or get out…. and then i wasn’t there to say goodbye. and honestly the attempts, from the few friendships i maintained as a recluse, at comforting me (which i know were well intended) just compounded the loneliness. it became abundantly clear that i have a lot of deal with this morning. more so than i even believed because i have become a pro at dissociating and denial and self medication. took me long enough to have the want to better myself, and i have a mountain ahead of me because when you cope like i have, the problems grow exponentially and express themselves in all facets of life. keep doin what you’re doin, by giving that helping hand that we lacked (and/or weren’t ready to receive), i think you can keep things to rolling hills and not the mt. vesuvius which is what is in front of me. xoxoxoxo

      • Sallyhope says:

        Hey lady…thank you so much for sharing your beautiful and honest experience with me. And congrats for therapy!!! I’m sure that wasn’t an easy decision to make.

        You know, it’s becoming so clear to me that we all experienced so much pain back in high school. I wonder if it’s just the age (with all our changing lives and hormones) but it seems that so many people’s traumatic things happened then, and it’s where we really learned our current coping mechanisms.

        For me…it was to shut down and then lash out. Sounds like for you it was to self medicate. It makes me so sad for all of us. It’s pretty amazing that we can all be such extraordinary humans despite all this pain.

        I’m so glad I get to have you in my life. Thank you, lil lady. And reach out if you ever need extra support.

        Homies Fo Life
        Sally

    • Sallyhope says:

      Hey Anna! Thank you so much for sharing. I TOTALLY hear you about UNI. I felt that way in college too. I didn’t have any clue what I wanted to do and nothing sounded exciting. My mom gave me great advice back then. She said…”don’t look at the options in front of you and choose the less bad one, but rather keep taking courses that excited you and a major will arise from that.”

      I’ve used that advice my WHOLE life since then and it’s never steered me wrong. As for your parents, if you love it and it makes you happy, I have a feeling they’ll come around. :)

      It’s pretty cool that you knew back in high school that bullying was just a form of pain being taken out on someone else. That’s pretty advanced thinking for a high schooler!

      Thank you so much for popping in and sharing your story.
      Best,
      Sally

  7. I am so so excited to join the Revolution. I kind of cannot imagine how it will impact my life, but considering I already have a Wildheart tattoo, I guess i’m in this for the longhaul.

    I have to say, I am glad that you were able to admit you were a bully and explain why. I was bullied terribly all my life, and although I have forgiven most of them now, hearing the stories behind some of the bullies helps me accept that it was never about me, and allows me to have compassion for the people who used to throw food at me, call me names and spread rumours. They must have been going through some real shit, and that’s how they reacted, whereas I internalized it and ate my feelings. We all had our coping mechanisms I guess.

    Sorry this was long winded, but I love talking about bullies from the ex-bullies themselves and the bullied.

    <3 Brittany
    http://www.prettycannibalgirl.com
    (BTW I'd love if you took a second to read my latest blog post, it's very real and you may appreciate it :-) )

    • Sallyhope says:

      Miss Brittany…first off, thank you so much for sharing your beautiful blog with me. You know I’m a fan of honesty and vulnerability and you wrote about it so beautifully here. Thank you.

      And thank you for sharing your high school story too. It’s no excuse…being in pain and then hurting others, but I love how it does give some context sometimes. We are all fighting battles, all the time.

      I just wish I had had someone to love me out of it back then so I wouldn’t have caused pain. But, alas, here we are. Sometimes I think our pain is our opportunity to grow and learn. And geez…did I learn.

      Thank you for being a huge part of all of this. I’m so grateful for you!

      Love,
      Sally

  8. Emilie Ruddell says:

    I was a mean girl for a hot minute in middle school which felt like “Lord of the Flies” at times – most definitely survival of the fittest. But goes around comes around and I was bullied by those I had bullied. Growing up in a wealthy town amongst people who were given absolutely everything (and still are) I felt inadequate in so many ways being the only child of an alcoholic single mother. It was tough. Still is. Today I struggle with female friendships. I’ve found that I have befriended incredibly competitive women who are passive-aggressive and don’t own their power. They continue to put others down in very bizarre ways. I’ve also learned just because you’ve known someone a long time, doesn’t mean they’re worth keeping around especially if the only efforts they make are excuses. Even today I still feel bullied by those supposed friends. It especially hurts when you learn they’ve been gossiping about you. Definitely makes you want to isolate but I know that doesn’t solve anything and is probably what those “friends” want. It’s a journey right?

  9. Gigi says:

    Hi Sally,

    Is there any way to be on the Wildheart list without getting blog posts by email? I unsubscribed because I didn’t want blog posts via email (I read all my blog stuff via RSS), but I do want to know when all the awesome Wildheart group stuff gets started.

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