February 4th, 2013
This Friday, I did the same thing I normally do when a great country band plays in town…I texted my go-to dance partner. “Bill.” A spunky 50-60 year old man with a feather in his cowboy hat and the spirit of a boy not a day over 17.
Our dancing chemistry is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. It’s like we just KNOW how to dance with each other. And every time we meet up, both my leg muscles and my smile muscles are tapped out from all the fun I had twirling and spinning and giggling and flowing with a man who just knows how to move a lady around a dance floor.
When I first met Bill, I knew I wanted to dance with him again. And the more we danced, the more he asked me to do things outside of dancing, like dinner, or weekends out of town. For dancing, of course. And I began to wonder if we weren’t on the same page. So I made it clear that we were just friends and dancing partners, and I wasn’t comfortable going out of town for the weekend and such. And I thought we were all good.
Until this weekend.
After my text to Bill, I received a phone call in which he explained that he wasn’t able to dance with me anymore. That he had been thinking that he really wanted to be nurturing and nourishing relationships that moved beyond the dance floor, and he didn’t feel like he could do that while dancing with me.
I was a bit taken aback. Not just because the conversation was unexpected, but because I realized I was getting dumped. The “you’re not giving me what I need” conversation. I was a bit surprised, but then I realized how not weird I felt about it. How much I didn’t take it personally.
He was honest, up front. Knew what he needed. Realized he wasn’t getting it. Complimented me and appreciated me, but knew that it wasn’t working for him. And I respected and understood that. Totally.
And so I told Bill I understood. And that I loved dancing with him, but respected his wishes. I said that I’d still love to dance with him when we see each other out, if, of course, he wanted to, and I’d leave it up to him to ask me. And then said I wouldn’t take it personally if he didn’t ask.
I got off the phone feeling very appreciative of Bill and his honesty. Was I bummed to potentially lose the best dance partner I’ve ever had? Yes. Of course. But I realized that it wasn’t fair to him if he was wanting something that I was unable to provide. And I also realized that perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be with us. Maybe there’s another dance partner in the sea for me to dance with.
And this got me thinking about breakups in general, and how we are all in a constant state of breaking up. Where things need to end so that other things can blossom and be born. Where things need to change so that we can be/do/and have all that we’ve envisioned.
Every day it’s a choice and everyday it takes the same amount of courage as the day before to keep going. Every day we try something different, we’re breaking up with the old way of doing it and we’re deciding how we want to be and what we want from now on. We realize that something isn’t working, and have the courage to change it.
And this is perhaps the key to having what you want in life.
I’ve had two breakups in this week alone. And probably more if I really think about it.
But the more time that goes by, the less painful they are becoming. Because I realize now that breakups are a good and healthy part of life. They are the manifestation of pure choice. And luckily…all it takes is a little courage.
So…what do you need to breakup with in your life? What do you know deep down inside that you’ve been avoiding? What habits or patterns are you ready to let go of? Leave a comment below and share with your friends! And if you’re not already a part of my Facebook page or my mailing list…GIT IN THERE! It’s where all the cool kids hang out.