May 20th, 2016
Seven months ago, I was at my friend Wendy’s house, washing my hair at night so I didn’t have to wake up an extra 30 minutes early to my 3 am alarm that was to be going off in a few short hours from that moment.
Wendy’s house. The place where I moved to about ten years ago when a rock n roll band from LA plucked me out of my Santa Barbara life, and gave me the stage to bloom on.
The place where I lived until after the band broke up several years later. The place where I wrote and recorded my very first song. And where I grew from the girl who played the game of life, to the girl who was the conductor of the game of life.
So it’s not surprising to me that here I am, 7 months later, writing this to you from Wendy’s house. In my old room. A 250 square foot pool house, with views of the bird fountain, pool, trees, and spanish villa style courtyard.
It’s not surprising to me that on this day, another major moment is about to happen.
This weekend, I will graduate from my Kundalini Yoga training program. I will get recognized for all of my hard work, and my sweat and my tears. For all 7 trips back and forth to Santa Monica, the sleeping on couches, the waking up at 3 am to get to Sadhana on time, only to give it everything I got not to fall asleep during the whole thing.
For all the times I pushed through 30 more minutes of a yoga posture I thought I couldn’t do for one more second. For showing up even when I was sick, sad, upset, exhausted. For constantly putting myself out there even when I felt like I wanted to hide.
For learning, listening, singing. For learning a new language. For packing a lunch when I was on day 35 of a 40 day “eat only green foods” cleanse. For making a new soul sister friend. For sharing my tears when they showed up.
For becoming a yogi. For becoming the type of person who can no longer turn a blind eye to the truths inside myself. For becoming…a teacher. A vessel through which these teachings will now come through.
I will be recognized for completing something life changing and challenging. And it feels…amazing.
There have been so many things I’ve learned these past seven months. And learning about Kundalini is only one part of that.
I think when you learn something new, and are a complete beginner, you are humbled. And I was. Walking into the yoga studio seven months ago, felt like the first day in the dorms in college. Small fish in a very big and unfamiliar pond, without any fish friends to swim around with.
And then the more you swim, the more you know how to survive. And then you realize, that you’re actually a big beautiful fish after all, and that you always have been but never knew it.
Tomorrow, I will wake up at 3am. Put on my Kundalini white clothing (Kundalini yogis wear white to be “neutral” and also because white expands your auric radiance at least a foot according to some schools of thought), put my hair in a bun and a white head covering on. I will show up with no make-up, no matter how tired I look. I will get in the car and drive 45 minutes in order to make it to Sadhana in time at 4:45 am. I will be in Sadhana for two and a half hours. Chanting, meditating, and doing physical postures. I will then let the leaders take the day where it needs to go until 6 pm, including rolling burritos and feeding the homeless in downtown Santa Monica.
Sunday…I will graduate. In the presence of my fellow teachers and our loved ones and families. I will grab a certificate and look at it knowing that I just completed something I’m really really proud of.
Something that fed my soul, softened my edges, and made me even brighter and lighter than I was before. Something I committed to and stuck with.
It’s hard not to be a little sad that this chapter is over. There will never be another Level 1 teacher training for me. I will never again be required to do 2.5 hours of Sadhana in the morning for 21 days. I will never learn this stuff for the first time ever again.
I have no idea what’s next. But my heart is so full thinking about it. Thank you for reading these words and being on the journey with me. I imagine that there will be a lot of fun stuff that will come out of these trainings, but for today, I am sitting here in pride, and if nothing else ever comes of these trainings, that is good enough for me.
I did it. Congrats to me.
And what about you? Sometimes it’s the simple things that make the most difference in our lives. Are you trying a new morning routine? Are you completing something you’re proud of? Even if you’re not, I want you to find something and share it in the comments below.
Fill in the blank: “One thing I am proud of today is _______”
P.s. One of the next things I’m committing to is virtual online Kundalini yoga classes. It’s gonna be rad. Promise. Get on this list to make sure you’re in the loop when that goes live.