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On How To Find Love.

How to find love


Awhile back my mom and I went stone carving at this woman’s property in a town near where I grew up.


This woman holds private carving lessons. And by private carving lessons, I mean she lets us come to her house and pick out a rock among a bunch of junk, shows us how to use the tools she has, and turns us loose on the rock.


Surrounding us were beautiful sculptures. Big and small. With soft round edges. Faces carved in stone. Intricate designs. And beautiful artistry.

As I held my rock in my hand, I thought, “how on Earth am I going to make something beautiful out of this rock…I mean, it’s a ROCK.”

Now, I’m not much of an artist, or a perfectionist. My skills for drawing or creating things from nothing are pretty minimal. But the one thing I knew I could do, and one of the only things I knew how to draw was a heart. Which seemed perfect since I’m building the Wild HEART Revolution.

So I picked up my slab of soapstone and I stared at it. Hmmmm…I thought. How am I going to make a heart appear out of this rock?

I figured that the first step was to draw a heart on it with a Sharpie. And then follow along the line of the heart with a tool, carving into the stone. Chips of stone flying everywhere, I felt good…it was starting to look like a heart.

But after I got about a quarter of an inch down to the outline of the heart, I realized that I didn’t want to carve a heart INTO the stone, but rather I wanted the heart to emerge FROM the stone. I wanted it to stick out. I wanted the rest of the rock to fall to the background, while the heart was the most prominent feature. And after a couple minutes of staring blankly at the rock it occurred to me. That my goal wasn’t to carve the heart out of the rock, but rather the goal was to remove everything AROUND the heart, in order for the heart to emerge. Brilliant, I thought.

And so that’s what I started to do. I chipped away at everything that surrounded the heart. I smoothed out the edges. I was careful to keep the same shape of the heart. And after about an hour of carving, the heart emerged. Beautiful. Subtle. Soft. Round.


And this reminded me of life. And of love. And of our own hearts.

So many times, when we seek love, we feel like we need to find it by doing something, by digging in. By dating better, going out to meet more people, reading books, obsessing about it. But in thinking about it, I realized that our hearts are just like this stone heart.

That in order to really find love, we need to remove all of the pieces of ourselves that we’ve built up to protect against love. We need to remove the armor we’ve created around our hearts. And just like these stones, we don’t need to dig into the heart, but rather we need to remove everything that is around it that prevents it from being seen.

 And apparently I’m not the only one who feels this way. A couple days ago I came across this quote:

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have build against it.” –Rumi

We don’t find love, we find our own hearts. And by doing that, love shows up. Our wounds our powerful. We learn to “protect” our hearts from being hurt by putting armor around them. By creating walls that no one will ever be able to climb so that we can’t get hurt. But one thing we as humans all have in common is that we all want to give and receive love. And by protecting our hearts, this simply cannot happen. So when in doubt, and when looking for love, look within. Find those parts of yourself that aren’t letting your heart be seen, and begin chipping away. So that your heart can emerge…beautiful, subtle, soft, and round.

And this is a Wildheart Life. A life of looking within. Letting your heart be seen.

What do you think of this concept? That we don’t find love, but rather that we find our hearts and allow love to come in? Where in your life do you find yourself needing to chip away at what’s around the heart. Leave a comment below.



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16 Responses to On How To Find Love.

  1. Jesse Barney says:

    Great advice for anyone regarding anything to do with passion.

    • Sallyhope says:

      Oooh yeah! I love it. Not just with love, with anything that matters to us. We don’t seek the thing, rather we should seek the thing that prevents us from having what we want. Thanks for the perspective shift. XO

  2. Bernardo says:

    I love this and you know that I adore YOU Sally.

    And I agree… At it’s core seeking love is a bit like the illusion of being thirsty and looking for a bottle of water while swimming in a pure and beautiful lake.

    Because love is who we are the real challenge is how to remain open to our truth so that we can experience our essence and so that the truth in others can be allowed in.

    In my heart I know that experiencing love is available to anyone at a moment’s notice if she (or he) is willing to offer their truth (which is LOVE) to others without reservations.

    One million blessings from my heart to yours.


    • Sallyhope says:

      You have been such a great teacher for me, Bern. Thank you for continuously sharing your wisdom and heart.

  3. Betty Jean says:

    Girl – right on point. I had this revelation myself just this morning. Serendipitous that your article came out today. I love the world and all the rad ways it surprises us.

    And I love you. :)

  4. Absolutely beautiful Sally. Brought tears to my eyes. And yes, have been really feeling into this recently. Just yesterday I thought about how my fear of abandonment and mistrust has prevented me from truly feeling love and support. That as I melt those things away through facing them and overcoming them, I am allowing this amazing love in. I am giving and receiving love like I never have before. So healing. So blessed.

    Love you.

  5. Paulette says:

    I am so moved by your ability to see the lessons in everyday life and share them so eloquently. I was there and saw you make that sculpture, but had no clue that you would also be unlocking so much wisdom from that stone.
    What a treasure you are.

    • Sallyhope says:

      I love you mom. You know…I was writing that story as I was sculpting. It just sort of comes to me. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to do things like this. I love you so much

  6. Amber Lane says:

    Wow. This is my 3rd time coming back to read this & it hits like a ton of bricks every time. You really pinpointed & tied down a lot of the thoughts & feelings I’ve been having about life lately & then went & related it to love! I’m just over a month deep with this incredible man and with his schedule & my life in flux we thought things would stay casual. I have been more me than even I thought I could be lately & wouldn’t you know he loves it. “You’re kind of weird is soooo sexy to me.” Greatest. Compliment. Ever. So I keep reminding myself to stay present, enjoy each day & don’t get hung up on my past or the future with him. And wouldn’t you know that having a smile on my face & in my heart has spilled over into everything else. In a time when from all outward appearances my life looks unorganized & chaotic & directionless I feel calm. I just keep chisling: removing toxins from my body, my home, my thoughts & avoiding toxic people. Waking up every morning & checking in with my wildheart to see what she needs & wants for the day. And wouldn’t you know… I’m starting to recognize my passions & pathways. I didn’t expect a paved road with signs but now I realize it’s no pathway at all. It’s a machete.

    Your eloquence is like a brick upside my head, Sally. Thank youuuu!

    • Sallyhope says:

      Hey Miss Amber…I love your chisel list, removing toxins from body and life in general. It all starts there. Really. I’ve realized that more and more.

      I also love that you check in with your wildheart. And every single thing about this comment. You crack me up girl! And I can’t wait until the Live Wildheart Community goes live so you can be a founding freakin father!

      • Amber Lane says:

        Oh my goodness! Thank youuu. Sally, it really makes me tear up from joy when I think about how dark of a place I was in when you appeared in my life (thru the Nomadic Chick, I realized). I know you have other clients but it feels like you speak directly to me; like you hear my thoughts. Thank you. We may have created a wildheart monster. ♡
        Ps: so excited to see what you’re cooking up!

        • Sallyhope says:

          Whoa!! From Nomadic Chick, eh??? It’s been so amazing to have you in my life and part of the growing monster that is Wildheart. I SO look forward to more Wildhearting with you.

  7. Caitlin says:

    Did you know the sculpture, Michaelangelo said something very similar when he worked on his famous, David. The artist said, God had placed David in there (this solid mass of marble) all he had to do was chip away at it until he appeared.

    Yes, let Love appear, allow it in.

  8. Tad says:

    You are just too beautiful. I love this. Right on time in my life. For me I am coming to see how much distraction, addiction and outer things cause me to miss this connection to my own heart. Just not making space for it and how I need to carve away not just emotional blocks but things that take my attention away from my heart. This piece by Osho speaks to it too. Sending you big love.

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