March 17th, 2015
There is a lot of talk in the personal development world about FEAR. And for good cause. Our fears are the things that stop us from everything we truly want in our lives.
But there’s a conversation around fear in this world that I just don’t like and it goes a little something like this:
“CRUSH YOUR FEARS!!!!”
“KICK YOUR FEARS TO THE CURB!!!”
“TELL YOUR FEARS TO F*#K OFF!”
In the beginning of my own personal journey, these types of phrases resonated with me. Mostly because I actually felt angry that my fears seemed to have this crazy hold on me where I couldn’t seem to get through them.
But the more time that goes by, I’ve learned that there are WAY more effective ways to handle my fears, so I can truly be and create that which I’m meant to in this world. And I wanted to share those with you today.
Here’s my recipe for being a Fearless Badass:
1) Stop Trying To Be Fearless
I hate to break it to you (actually I love more than anything to break it to you) but there is no such thing as being fearless. There is no person on the planet who doesn’t experience fear.
But rather, the thing you THINK is fear, is actually courage.
So the point here is to stop striving to not have fears, and rather start striving to be courageous. You can do this by following the advice below.
2) Decide To Take Action In The Face Of Your Fears
This is truly, the way through a fear. I have heard many people say “clarity come through action, not thought,” or “the only way to it is through it.” And it couldn’t be more true here.
So much of the time we imagine that we can THINK or FEEL ourselves out of being afraid, but unfortunately that just isn’t the case. Think about it…the system that got our fears there in the first place can’t be the same system that removes the fear, so there has to be another way.
And that way is action. What’s the best way to get rid of the fear of flying? Get on an airplane. The best way to get rid of the fear that you’ll get hurt again in love? Try loving again.
To me…this is the most badass thing a person can do. Try something even though they’re afraid.
I’ve been afraid every single step along my journey from when I joined a rock band, to when I quit the band to become a life coach, to moving to Costa Rica, or getting in an RV. But without the action…I never would have had any of those experiences.
3) Get To Know Your Fears
This is one of my favorite ones and is also the complete opposite of those phrases from above (“CRUSH YOUR FEARS!”). When we’re in pain (i.e. experiencing fear) the first thing we want to do is push away that feeling.
But in pushing away our emotions, you’re actually resisting them. And what you resist persists. So…in trying to push away your fears (or CRUSH them or telling them to F OFF!) you’re actually creating more fear.
So instead, what you can do, is PAY ATTENTION. Start to notice when your fears pop up, what triggers them, what happens in your body when they show up, and what decisions you’re inclined to make when the fear is present.
When you do this, you’re raising your awareness around your fears so they don’t have so much power over you, and when this happens, you can make decisions from a very conscious place.
4) Take Small Steps
Most of the time, when people are really scared, it’s because what their heart truly desires is something that is so far beyond their comfort zone that it gives them a panic attack just thinking about it.
But yet…there’s something inside of them that says “YES. DO THIS.” But yet when you’re standing at the edge of that cliff, getting ready to jump 100 feet, you realize that you have never even jumped 10 feet.
The “height difference” in your reality to your dream is perhaps too big. So my suggestion here is to start small.
If you’ve always dreamed of taking a solo trip to Bali, but the magnitude of it makes you want to vomit, start smaller. Start by taking a solo trip to the next town over, or the next state over.
Once you get your bearings on smaller trips, you will feel more comfortable taking the big leap. And before you know it, you’ll be bronzing by the beach in Bali (can I come??) :)
Well there you have it! The four best ways to be a fearless badass. Are you surprised?
To me, being a badass (and being a Wildheart) is all about being real. Real with who you are, real with what you’re feeling, and really willing to try different things.
No matter what you try in life, you will always be afraid of something. But you don’t need to let it stop you from having the things you truly want.
And so here’s me taking a stand for YOU. That you get to have what you want. That you don’t have to let your fears stop you anymore. Will you stand with me? If so I would love to hear about it.
In the comments below, tell me the fear that you are (bravely) willing to walk through to have the life you want.
I’ll go first: “I, Sally, COMMIT to building Wildheart to the vision that I see in my brain, even though I have no clue how it’s going to happen and I’m afraid that it won’t work out and I would have spent all this time and energy on it for nothing.” Whoa. Yeah. That.
Now you go. What do you want to stand up for? I can’t wait to hear about it in the comments below.
Your (totally fearful but courageous) leader,