March 17th, 2015
How To Be A Fearless Badass (in four easy steps)
There is a lot of talk in the personal development world about FEAR. And for good cause. Our fears are the things that stop us from everything we truly want in our lives.
But there’s a conversation around fear in this world that I just don’t like and it goes a little something like this:
“CRUSH YOUR FEARS!!!!”
“KICK YOUR FEARS TO THE CURB!!!”
“TELL YOUR FEARS TO F*#K OFF!”
In the beginning of my own personal journey, these types of phrases resonated with me. Mostly because I actually felt angry that my fears seemed to have this crazy hold on me where I couldn’t seem to get through them.
But the more time that goes by, I’ve learned that there are WAY more effective ways to handle my fears, so I can truly be and create that which I’m meant to in this world. And I wanted to share those with you today.
Here’s my recipe for being a Fearless Badass:
1) Stop Trying To Be Fearless
I hate to break it to you (actually I love more than anything to break it to you) but there is no such thing as being fearless. There is no person on the planet who doesn’t experience fear.
But rather, the thing you THINK is fear, is actually courage.
And courage is taking action despite the fact that you’re afraid. (Tweet this)
So the point here is to stop striving to not have fears, and rather start striving to be courageous. You can do this by following the advice below.
2) Decide To Take Action In The Face Of Your Fears
This is truly, the way through a fear. I have heard many people say “clarity come through action, not thought,” or “the only way to it is through it.” And it couldn’t be more true here.
So much of the time we imagine that we can THINK or FEEL ourselves out of being afraid, but unfortunately that just isn’t the case. Think about it…the system that got our fears there in the first place can’t be the same system that removes the fear, so there has to be another way.
And that way is action. What’s the best way to get rid of the fear of flying? Get on an airplane. The best way to get rid of the fear that you’ll get hurt again in love? Try loving again.
To me…this is the most badass thing a person can do. Try something even though they’re afraid.
I’ve been afraid every single step along my journey from when I joined a rock band, to when I quit the band to become a life coach, to moving to Costa Rica, or getting in an RV. But without the action…I never would have had any of those experiences.
The only way to it is through it. (TWEET THIS)
3) Get To Know Your Fears
This is one of my favorite ones and is also the complete opposite of those phrases from above (“CRUSH YOUR FEARS!”). When we’re in pain (i.e. experiencing fear) the first thing we want to do is push away that feeling.
But in pushing away our emotions, you’re actually resisting them. And what you resist persists. So…in trying to push away your fears (or CRUSH them or telling them to F OFF!) you’re actually creating more fear.
So instead, what you can do, is PAY ATTENTION. Start to notice when your fears pop up, what triggers them, what happens in your body when they show up, and what decisions you’re inclined to make when the fear is present.
When you do this, you’re raising your awareness around your fears so they don’t have so much power over you, and when this happens, you can make decisions from a very conscious place.
4) Take Small Steps
Most of the time, when people are really scared, it’s because what their heart truly desires is something that is so far beyond their comfort zone that it gives them a panic attack just thinking about it.
But yet…there’s something inside of them that says “YES. DO THIS.” But yet when you’re standing at the edge of that cliff, getting ready to jump 100 feet, you realize that you have never even jumped 10 feet.
The “height difference” in your reality to your dream is perhaps too big. So my suggestion here is to start small.
If you’ve always dreamed of taking a solo trip to Bali, but the magnitude of it makes you want to vomit, start smaller. Start by taking a solo trip to the next town over, or the next state over.
Once you get your bearings on smaller trips, you will feel more comfortable taking the big leap. And before you know it, you’ll be bronzing by the beach in Bali (can I come??) :)
Well there you have it! The four best ways to be a fearless badass. Are you surprised?
To me, being a badass (and being a Wildheart) is all about being real. Real with who you are, real with what you’re feeling, and really willing to try different things.
No matter what you try in life, you will always be afraid of something. But you don’t need to let it stop you from having the things you truly want.
And so here’s me taking a stand for YOU. That you get to have what you want. That you don’t have to let your fears stop you anymore. Will you stand with me? If so I would love to hear about it.
In the comments below, tell me the fear that you are (bravely) willing to walk through to have the life you want.
I’ll go first: “I, Sally, COMMIT to building Wildheart to the vision that I see in my brain, even though I have no clue how it’s going to happen and I’m afraid that it won’t work out and I would have spent all this time and energy on it for nothing.” Whoa. Yeah. That.
Now you go. What do you want to stand up for? I can’t wait to hear about it in the comments below.
Your (totally fearful but courageous) leader,
Holy amazeballs!!!! I’m awake now :)
This makes so much sense. Now that this long weird no-so-bad, but really not amazing relationship has come to a end, I’ve been super wound up in a thinky-feely ball of nerves and homebodyness. It’s SXSW and despite what I was THINKING and FEELING…I went out with my girlfriends anyway. And had the most freaking awesome night and met so many hilarious people! To wake up and read this gave me that feeling that I’m on the right track. Thank you for taking a stand with me against that weird pent up no-good ball of goo!!!
Hey Bea!! Thank you so so much for your comment and I am so glad it came right at the perfect time! I love that you went out anyway and I have always found that those moments are the ones that can change our lives. Nice work lady!
Incredible article. I’ve been struggling with fear. Fear of failure. I’ve been offered the opportunity to work on a type of project I’ve always dreamt about and I’m struggling so hard to even take the very first steps because I’m so afraid of not doing. It might be Ive put too much expectations on myself and I’m afraid I can’t live up to them (or the clients too). Thank you for sharing and I’m really hoping I can deal better with it by taking smaller steps (let’s say that being pressed with time doesn’t help either) but oh well. Must take action.
Girl…all I can say is DO IT!!! Don’t let the fear stop you. If this is your dream situation, take a look at that fear and say “ok…I see you.” And then just keep walking. The worst that could happen is that the job doesn’t work out and you’re right where you are now. So go for it, rock it, roll with those fears, and then come out on the other side knowing you DID IT! Let me know how it goes. XO
yes fear can be paralysing.. I am with you here but so true what Sally said – small steps are not that scary :)
Working on this at the moment.
This is my favorite post to date. Thank you!!
I’m feeling fear in becoming a coach for teen girls. I’m in the action stage where I need to go out and try and do and I feel paralyzed. On top of that I’m in a financially tight situation and I’m feeling unsure about my 2 year long relationship. Feeling unsure and fearful about multiple big things at once is leaving me feeling frozen.
So much of your story resonates with me (former Gaucho as well!) but I feel like I’m living my life on the sidelines. I know that I have to go through it to get to it – but oftentimes it’s like my body shuts down when it’s time to take action. I’ve gotten through a lot in my life and it’s why I feel coaching young girls is my purpose, but these challenges at this time in my life are tough stuff.
Hey Alexa! (GO GAUCHOS!)
Wow…yeah that is a lot of big stuff all at once and I TOTALLY get that feeling. As for your body shutting down…I would just take a deeper look into that. Is it fear and time to move through it? Or is it time to rest? Only you truly know the answer to that.
Either way it sounds like you have an absolutely beautiful message for the world and the message that’s coming through to me right now is…”YES.” :)
Thank you, Sally. I loved this article.
I am pretty much in the same boat that Tarsila is.
I never was afraid before. Until I actually failed couple of times.
I heard I need to call them “experiences” :)
And it is true.
I am doing small steps and sometimes when I just want to give up feeling overwhelmed, I tell myself – ok this is just me avoiding things, all I need to do is one little thing. If I do couple of little things every day – i am sure I will move forward, right? :)
YES! I actually don’t see my failures as failures…unless I didn’t try something because I was afraid. I am definitely on the “experiences” train.
And yes! Small steps and then big leaps. You can do it. :)
:) cheers to small steps and big leaps!
Thank you, Sally
RIGHT ON SISTER!! Yep and yep, and got it loud and clear. I COMMIT to creating content for my website for my strategic life and fitness coaching business so I can be VISIBLE, impact WAY more people (I co-own a private personal training studio, done with just one on one) GLOBALLY, create a location independent lifestyle that’s financially abundant. I am not sure on all the how to’s AND I am doing it anyway with the help of BSCHOOL!