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Billie Jean. Attachment-itis. And Baring It All (mostly)

Ok.. I’ll admit it. I have a letting go problem. I don’t like to do it. I avoid it at all costs. And it comes up all over my life. With love, with homes or places to live, with memories or experiences. Lately, it’s been coming up about my next steps.

Coming back from Costa Rica has proved to be even harder than I anticipated, and I think it has nothing, actually, to do with Costa Rica, but rather the fact that I’m feeling pretty unhinged in general. I moved up to the bay area two years ago to be with my partner (at the time). And now that we’re not together anymore I’m finding myself wondering what the heck I’m still doing here. Do I even like it in Oakland? Does it light me up? In comparison to Costa Rica, definitely, no. And so, with no real ties here, I’m left with too many possibilities. Like…ALL of them. I could essentially go anywhere in the world, and although that might sound amazing, it actually feels weird.

I like having ties. I like structure. I like a sense of stability. And apparently, I like hanging on to things way too long. So I’m finding myself trying to grab on to “tangible” things (that in reality, aren’t actually tangible…like a relationship interest who “isn’t looking for a relationship,” which I know ultimately means “I’m not looking for a relationship with YOU,” but since he said that, of course I’ve decided that it is meant to be, forever and ever and I keep holding onto that and am getting super bummed even though I (sorta) don’t really want a relationship either, UGH!)

Most of the time lately I feel like a crazy person. My mind can’t seem to make any decisions, I find myself in tears without knowing exactly what I’m crying about, I’m feeling a panic feeling in my chest, sadness, loneliness and it’s even worse because I do realize that these are all just made up thoughts and stories in my head. Doesn’t change the fact that they are there, affecting me.

And it really just comes down to my avoidance of both letting go and being afraid. Not necessarily in that order. I’m afraid to be unhinged, afraid to let go (of my life here, of my ex, of life as I know it, of security, of potential relationships), afraid to not be attached, afraid I’m not enough, or not lovable, or afraid of what it means that some guy doesn’t want to be with me, or what it means to put all my stuff in storage and have no home. Lately, I think it’s been easier for me to distract myself with these “confusing” thoughts and pseudo-relationships than actually deal with myself, and what I’m actually feeling, and the fears I have surrounding my situation. The mind is a tricky little fugger.

I know I talk about fear, and running towards it, a lot. And in this moment, I’m in the middle of it. Torn. Unable to see the light. But that’s the thing with situations like this…it’s almost impossible to see light. They aren’t set up for that. They’re set up so that you take the risk anyway, and then light shows up on your first step. Kind of like that old Billie Jean Michael Jackson video where the squares light up only as he steps on them. Before the step, the light isn’t there, and after the step, it’s gone. Not knowing what’s on the step, but just trusting that it’ll be lit up by the time your foot lands on it.

Right now…I need some lit up steps. I need to just step, I think. To move. Literally and figuratively. I’m scared. And wonder what will happen. But I’m going to do it anyway. The unknown is possibly the scariest situation for us humans, and it’s all over the place, always, and pretty much never goes away. But, like I’ve said many times before, nothing cool and amazing ever happens from being too comfortable, from staying in one place. I think it’s time for me to let go of some things. Let go of Oakland and my life here, let go of Costa Rica, let go of any pre-conceived notions of how my life needs to or should look, let go of rules I made up a long time ago.

I’ve been avoiding this blog post. I didn’t want to write when I was in this state. I’ve been feeling emotional, crazy, vulnerable. Three of my least favorite emotions. But I can’t avoid you forever and I don’t want to. This is all part of letting go of what everything needs to look like, including this blog. I’m here, darnit. In this real place. Why not share, right?

In the airport on our way home from Costa Rica, Natalie shared this quote with me. It felt so appropriate then, and feels even more so now.

“In the end, what matters most is how well did you live, how well did you love, and how well did you learn to let go.” -Confucius

And since this is about letting go, I will leave you with my very last Costa Rica video. I started to make it on the airplane home, two weeks ago, but hadn’t looked at it since because I didn’t feel like crying (again). Phew. Just admitting all this makes me feel better. I’m human. I have real human emotions. No sense beating myself up over it.

Tell me I’m not alone! :-) Have you ever felt this way? Leave a comment and let me know what here has resonated with you.

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73 Responses to Billie Jean. Attachment-itis. And Baring It All (mostly)

  1. Ashley says:

    Dear Sally,

    You are loved and totally AWESOME!!!

    Just yesterday I went to your site, and was like – aw man, no new blog posts! I was about to send you an email saying it had been too long =) Thanks for being open and honest about your fears.

    I too have a track record of being HORRIBLE at letting go. I get comfortable too. But there’s a much bigger part of me that craves, and NEEDS, to explore new situations, ideas and places. The more I stay stuck in what’s comfortable, the more lethargic, depressed and off kilter I feel. It’s funny – I was listening to this training the other day, and the speaker was saying, “You can be anyone you want when you are on vacation. No one knows you. And yet you don’t.” I was like — umm, I’ve never felt more alive than when I’m out of my element exploring the world!”

    I’m at a crossroads right now in my life – some great business oppotunities are slowly presenting themselves, but I’m wondering if I have what it takes to turn them into giant, flaming supernovas – you know? I’m tempted to quit my 9-5 (just asked for a RAISE today btw), but don’t feel like I have enough of a safety cushion to do it yet.

    I’m trying to find that balance of putting myself out there, being grateful for what comes and giving myself permission to not have the next step figured out asap as if my life depended on it. I think no matter where we are in our lives/careers/relationships, there will be times when we experience resistance. Oftentimes, when it’s the least convenient or when we least expect it. It’s the yin and the yang of life. The mind is a tricky foe indeed! It’s amazing how nothing REALLY changes day to day – only the shade of glasses we’re wearing.

    You inspire me! Thanks for the post!

    • Sallyhope says:

      YOU inspire ME!!! Who’s the Life Coach now?? That comment was absolutely beautiful, packed to the brim with helpful advice and stories. Wow. And thank you for all your continued support here. I’m glad it speaks to you and it feels amazing to know that you were going to bust my chops for not having written in awhile. I knew I was slacking, BIG TIME. :-)

      As for your crossroads, I TOTALLY hear you. It’s that place where you still have one fit in two different places, but you feel that one of the feet is starting to have more solid footing. I get the feeling you know exactly what to do. And I can’t wait to get that email from you when you tell me that you did it. :-)

      I love that you mentioned shade of glasses. That is absolutely right. It’s all about how we look at it, all about perspective. I want to try on some new ones.
      Thank you so much for this amazing comment. My heart feels happy.

  2. Honorine says:

    Guuuuurlllll. I feel ya. Last year at this time I was in the middle of ending a five year relationship (again) and was just lost. Everything was too big, too many choices and no real direction on which way to go. So I went to bed. And I didn’t get out. And the more I thought of everything I “should” be doing the worse it got. So I got some help from a rockin lifecoach, which led me to a rockin therapist which led me to the biggest discovery if all. I stopped thinking about these giant things and did what i liked. I just found what lit me up and did it. Then I did it more. Then I did it for somebody for free. Weirdly enough people saw how lit up I was and paid me for my lite brite thing. I’ve gone through like four life path starts in the last year. And here I am, covered in awesome sauce on a path I couldn’t even see then. Because of your help and support. Now take your own damned advice and step on the mj sidewalk. Maybe it won’t light up. But maybe it will.

    • Sallyhope says:

      I just got full on body chills reading this Ms. Flo. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! You’re so right and your story is so inspiring. I remember this. And I see you now, all lit up and happy and excited and stepping on your own MJ sidewalk and having massive light show up. I know I need to take my own advice. And with that, I made a decision. I’m happy to say my sidewalk has already begun to be walked on. I will keep you updated.

    • Kelly says:

      Honorine….
      I checked out your site…btw loooove your hair cut! Anyhoo…I’m a Pilates enthusiast and just wanted to say I hope you are going to pimp out your website a bit more soon. After reading your interesting comment I wanted to know more about you. I’m speaking from experience because Sally and I met through Marie Forleo’s RHH School and they made me update my website and it led to amazing ops. Just thought I’d share the love as a fellow Sally Hope fan. :)

  3. That blog post was real, and raw … oh and it rocked. Sally you never cease to amaze me. I feel like the video also captured so much of what we experienced. I could not have asked for a better partner in crime. I love ya!

  4. Colin Wright says:

    Love the Michael Jackson metaphor.

    Love the video.

    Keep your chin up, lady: you’re smart and sexy and can do anything you want. So go do it! Plenty more videos are in your future.

    • Sallyhope says:

      Thank you for your continued support Boo. Your wisdom has been key for me throughout this new journey in my life and I appreciate it and YOU so much.
      And compliments win, every time, and make me feel all warm and fuzzy. So thank you. Smiley face.

  5. Liz Longacre says:

    Lady, I’ve been thinking of you all week! I had a feeling something was going on with you. Like you said, you’re human (but really you’re super human). Even rock stars have their moments of feeling “emotional, crazy and vulnerable”, it’s these very moments that allow you to dig as deep as you do. You know you’re not alone, this was me for the past 2 weeks ;) But slowly clarity comes and you realize all the cool “shiz” in your future and then the tears stop flowing. I suggest New York for your next move, or India :)

    • Sallyhope says:

      We are cosmically connected my dear. I must have been putting out my vibes, all the way to NYC. I am excited about my future and I know it’ll rock. Just so funny when we’re “stuck” in these places, mostly in our heads. I mean, I coach about this ALL the time. HAHAHHA! I guess even life coaches are humans. Who knew? Much love to you my dear.

  6. Awe girl. You made me cry reading this post and watching this video. I can feel your raw, honest, HEART pouring all over and am so incredibly honored to know you, and SO freaking inspired by who you are and how you’re choosing to live your life.

    And OH BOY do I have issues letting go? Letting go of who I think I’m supposed to be, who I thought I wanted to be for so long, all of the lessons that the world has taught me, which as it turns out are not AT ALL for me, and most especially letting go of all of the ways I think I’m just not good enough, special enough to matter, or loveable (just as I am).
    It’s a heavy one girl.
    You’re not alone.

    I think about how it’s no accident that we met. No accident that every single time I read one of your blog posts (which I look forward to like no other), I feel like you’re pulling out all the stops…and speaking directly to my own heart.
    You are amazing. So strong. Adventurous. HOT! (fo’ sho’) And you’re embracing life (the hard + the sweet).
    I just can’t say enough how much I adore you.

    It’s so hard to see through the weeds, but I have SUCH a strong, visceral feeling about you…and something major is right around the corner. I can’t wait to see what magic you create in the next chapter, on your next adventure. You’re gonna ROCK it like only you can!!

    I love love LOVE ya girl!!!
    xoxo

    P.S. And ready for a major FUN trip with you one of these days mama! ;)

    • Sallyhope says:

      Now you made ME cry reading this. I feel so loved, seen, supported by you. Thank you for saying all of that. And I agree that it was no accident that we met. I’m so happy we’re in each other’s lives. Letting go is a bitch!! Hahhaha.

  7. “The cockpit shakes the most just before you break the sound barrier” Chuck Yeager

    If it ain’t shaking, then you’re standing still.

    I have a friend who is a spoken word artist. He recently decided not to pursue an acting part in a play because it was in olde english and he said that every line he learns or reads stays inside him, and he just didn’t feel like there was a place for olde english in him. I love that sense of awareness that he can feel all those words rattling around inside him, and he knows which words make him feel good and which don’t.

    But that’s where the power is – knowing what feels good and what doesn’t and having the smarts to make those choices and having the courage to say “i’ll choose the one that makes me feel goooooood”

    Maybe you need to crank some Nina Simone… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8tuTSi6Sck

    (tried to find my fav version of this by some fabulous Aus singers Vika and Linda, but alas youtube has failed me…)

    • Sallyhope says:

      Fiona! Thank you so much for writing and I couldn’t agree more. Especially with knowing that the power is “knowing what feels good and what doesn’t and having the smarts to make those choices and having the courage to say “i’ll choose the one that makes me feel goooooood.” I think you said that beautifully.

      I believe that we almost ALWAYS (99.99999% of the time) know what to do about something. We know when we’re in a wrong relationship or when something needs to change. I think it’s rarely the knowingness that is the problem, but rather, having the courage to do anything about it. So if we can just break that one pattern, the knowingness to action pattern, I think we’d all be much better off.

      I’m workin on it! :-)
      Thanks for the music links too. Started my morning off on a funky note. I’m smiling.

  8. Jenn Morgan says:

    You are so not alone… and girl, emotional, vulnerable, and crazy is SO F-ing SEXY… I love you for owning it… that is the stuff that songs, poetry, movies, plays, and novels are built upon…. In some way, everyone is always somewhere between what they truly want and what the world expects of them – eternally torn between our sexual reproductive desires and our thoughtful consciousness of something bigger –

    p.s. Don’t move until we meet live and in person! I will be in SF so much this summer…

    • Sallyhope says:

      I love this comment girl! And I love that the perspective has shifted from “emotional and vulnerable equals psycho girl” to “emotional and vulnerable is sexy.” I think I want to try on those glasses for a bit. What a difference. And you’re right, absolutely, about it breeding creativity. Been thinking about playing music all day.

      And this: “eternally torn between our sexual reproductive desires and our thoughtful consciousness of something bigger.” I’ve honestly never heard it said better. Yes. I agree 100%.

      And a move is imminent. :-) When will you be here?!?!?

  9. Pete says:

    Hey Sally, I think what you write in your blogs are a universal truth. So many of us have experienced similar emotions and experiences, myself included but find it at times very difficult to express. Thanks for being the voice telling us, we’re not alone and even rockstars get the blues and confused. Good luck on your journey, wherever it takes you…in fact, good luck to all of us.

    • Sallyhope says:

      Even Rockstars Get the Blues!!!! Methinks that is an AMAZING book title. Will you remember it for when I decide to write a book?
      Thank you for writing Pete and thank you for reading. It really means the world to me to have you here and have your support. I love that you wished us all good luck. It’s SO true. All of these things are universal ideas. We ALL go through them. It’s like we all have only one mind (actually…my girl Zoe was JUST talking to me about this the other day) and no thoughts are new. No thoughts or feelings haven’t been felt in exactly the same way before. It’s so interesting.

      Anyway Pete, I am so happy for your upcoming celebrations and I look forward to continuously being in touch with you.

  10. Glori says:

    Hi Sally: My dear friend Liz pointed me to your blog and in reading this particular post, I literally heard myself saying out loud “ME TOO”. This is exactly how I feel at this moment in my life. In a phase of self realization – trying to figure out the things and reasons why I hold back and more importantly hold “on” to things that I know in the end are ultimately toxic. Thank you for writing this post and I thank my friend Liz for introducing me into your world.

    Moved,
    Glori

    • Sallyhope says:

      Glori! I’m so glad Liz pointed you in my direction and I’m so glad that this post resonated with you. Sometimes it feels so lonely in our heads, thinking all these things by ourselves, so it’s good to know that we aren’t alone! You know, you bring up such an important thing for us women (I’m sure men do it, but women are notorious for it), which is why we hold on to things that we KNOW aren’t good for us or don’t feel right. Toxic is a great word. It’s one of those things that ALWAYS get us in trouble. It’s like we can’t NOT go towards the fire, even though we know we’ll end up burned. Then we get burned and are devastated AND beat ourselves up over it since we should have known better. Sound familiar?

      I hear you girl. Send me a direct message if you’d like to chat more about it. If not, please continue to say hello. :-)

  11. Beach Mama says:

    Who WOULD want to leave Costa Rica??!! Great video, great music, what an incredible memory you have captured on film!

    I’ve learned a few things in my first 50 years of life that I have taken with me into the second half of life.
    No one escapes feeling down and confused. The way back is GRATITUDE.
    When I feel sad about my losses, I feel sad and then appreciate what I experienced and learned and how it’s helped me grow.
    When I’m feeling ‘stuck’ I take a walk on the beach to clear my head. I decide how long I’m going to feel sad, stuck, afraid, do it and then get on with doing something about it.

    Letting go IS life, yes? Letting go of childhood, adolescence (thank God!), parents, friends, children (as they grow and live their own lives), youth, beauty (this continues if we cultivate ourselves as giving human beings), love . . . but with all of this we GAIN
    maturity, self-assurance, grandchildren : ), contribution, freedom, peace, choice, groundedness.

    The fact that you are sharing your raw emotions shows you’re alive and living life Sally! And that’s pretty damn exciting! Come up kicking girl!

    • Sallyhope says:

      This comment is so rich and full of such wisdom. Thank you for sharing and I love everything you said. I absolutely agree that gratitude is key. And I want to try your idea of deciding how long you’re going to feel sad and stuck about something. What an interesting exercise! And yes, all of life is about letting go, so I suppose it’s best to start getting comfortable with it. :-)

      Even in this vulnerable, raw state, I’m feeling excited. Excited for what it means for me and excited to see what I create next. Thank you for your support. Please come back and say hello often.

  12. Katie B. says:

    I’ve been avoiding reading this because I knew it would hit me with all the crizzapp going on at my “used to be loved and awesome” job.

    For the past month or so, I’ve been getting “pulled aside” about how I have a shitty attitude about my peers and performance at work. Every time I get “talked to” about the emails or multiple phone calls my boss receives from my “team mates” I come through completely VICTORIOUS! (Oprah voice), and fully backed up 100% by my manager.

    Me, “Well, yes I was being an ass hole to Jerica. But did she tell you that I had already asked her 3 times to pick up her trash?”
    Danny, “No.”

    Me, “Of course I was pissed off at Oscar. Did he tell you he left at 2 pm for an appointment and never came back? Did he tell you Kevin and I stayed until 9 pm at night fixing his lousy crap work?”
    Danny, “No”

    And so on…

    I’ve spent this past month trying to be more “gentle” with my words to not come off as a “Bossy, self righteous, brown nosing, thinks she’s better then everyone on the team bc she’s Ben’s girlfriend who needs to stay out of everyone’s business, ass hole, BITCH” .

    I got pulled aside again this Monday. By a team mate this time, (Ben’s old BFF who happens to LOVE drama. You will never meet someone so completely full of shit. I will also mention that he and I were great friends before Ben and I started dating but he killed it one day at work when he flipped out and started yelling most of the above quote while our store was open with full on customers and our team members watching). Where was I ? Oh! So he’s trying to be buddy buddy and starts telling me “things he’s heard”. (I forgot to mention he sent one of the emails that I was going to get canned over). UGH… Long story short my boss, supervisor and I all think it’s better that I just quit. Can you believe that! It finally happened. I’m going to look for employment elsewhere now because people are lazy, have decided I’m a jerk and now refuse to work with me. End o story.

    I cried for THREE hours bc I was trying to help them avoid getting yelled at and and to take pride in the things they put their names on. I’m being told that my standards for work are TOO high.

    Sally, we have a list to fill out and all I was doing was calling them out on things they weren’t actually doing. I was told, “People don’t like being called out when they do things wrong”. I said, “Well, make ’em do it right then!”

    I finally gave up and told my boss that I’m quitting and not to tell anyone. I can hear them singing “ding dong the witch is dead” already.

    I didn’t want to leave the comfort of my job with my who I thought were great friends but crying is getting old and so are their petty bologna complaints that they won’t say to my face because they know I’m right and they’re lazy. But now I’m in this yucky force field where I don’t want to trust new people to make friends. I am just really disgusted with these shitty back stabbing people I keep encountering here. I don’t know what to do about it.

    • Sallyhope says:

      Girl…this sounds REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY annoying and REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY stressful and REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY hurtful. I’m sorry you have to go through that. But I DO know that you are amazing, and smart, and funny, and kind, and talented and anyone who treats you badly doesn’t deserve your time. Troof. I love you and let me know if you need any extra support.

    • Greg Dennis says:

      Work standards too HIGH?? “Gee, I’m sorry…I’ll try to do a crappier job next time so I don’t embarrass you all with my high standards. I’ll start today by making sure I leave early after taking a long lunch and follow it up by leaving half my work unfinished so the next guy has to do both our jobs”.

      That is a sure downer. When your standards are that high; when your work ethic is that strong, it’s time to go into business for you. I’ve discovered that sadly enough, most people LIKE to get by doing the bare minimum, and it’s not what I do. So, I solve the problem and work for this HYOOOGE a-hole…I mean, this great guy..named Greg Dennis…but he shares all my interests, and took that and managed to make a living out of it…who knew I could buy all new TVs, VCRs and DVD players and write it all off?? He may be a jerk, but ya know, I only see him when I look in the mirror! (So would that be considered having the boss hovering around all day???)

      Anyway, Katie, you should try to find something you enjoy and make a go of self-employment. It’s the one place where having exceptionally high standards won’t have a negative effect on you, because BELIEVE ME, I have seen that SO MANY TIMES in the past, and the above comment is typically my gut reaction to it.

      I find it’s a lot like re-entering civilian life from the military – the people WHO HAVE JOBS at the unemployment center live in this bubble where they think that all you have to do is say “military” and you get hired, and you have to patiently explain that it’s not that simple, because to many people, military=moron and they get this pre-conceived notion you’re some kind of idiot. Dazzle ’em with ten-dollar words all you like, but nothing changes that theory. It’s the same thing…you would think having a strong work ethic and high standards would be a good thing, but it is not for those who want to do only the bare minimum, and most supervisors would rather remove one “troublesome” person than change the work habits of an entire team built of people who don’t care because it’s easier, and that’s the key…it’s EASY for them to say, “your standards are too high”. Well, yeah, easy for YOU to say, what are YOU doing??

      Just keep in mind that you DO have high standards and you DO have a strong work ethic and no matter what, you’re going to do what is RIGHT and not what is easy. You may run into some walls along the way to that next open door (ouch!), and yes, it will hurt, and you will feel depressed at times, but once you find the door, you’ll feel so much better that you didn’t compromise what you believe in and who you are and you will be better for it. You’ll also be much happier in the end.

  13. Sarita says:

    Have i ever felt this way?? Um, YEAH! Big time. I just wish I had recordings of our convos that I could play back to you right now, cause you’ve given me so much insight into being in that space! And one thing i think you’ve said that stands out is just to be with it for a while, and not come to a conclusion and just sit with the uncomfortable feeling of not knowing whats next. Even though it totally sux. Cause I know you, and I am 100% certain that pretty soon, when you aren’t expecting it, something is gonna just hit you and bam! Its gonna resonate HARD on your ass and get you fired up to your core and you will not be able to stop the forward motion. I know this about Sally Hope. Nowhere to go but up.

    • Sallyhope says:

      Girl…I fuckin LOVE you. You made me laugh hysterically during this. One of my favorite parts is “I am 100% certain that pretty soon, when you aren’t expecting it, something is gonna just hit you and bam! Its gonna resonate HARD on your ass and get you fired up to your core and you will not be able to stop the forward motion” HAHHA! Thanks for your solid belief. I think you’re right. And, oh man, it’s been a HARD lesson in practicing what I preach right here with the “being in” my feelings. It’s so uncomfortable, right?! But it’s so important to do it. I know. I appreciate you so much.

      • Sarita says:

        I love you miss Sally. LOVE. YOU. Fucking hard all over your ass! “Being in it” is such bull- but it makes those opposite times, like when you’re traveling in Costa Rica, it makes those times so much more LIKE WHOA!, you know? If you don’t have the downs, the ups aren’t as high, right? You just came down from such a high in C.R…. I betcha thats a big part of this. You’re having fantasy-life come down! And it seems so harsh cause the next fantasy isn’t in view yet… but it will be… soon… For both of us!! =) We just gotta “be with” and “be in” some shit for a while- pay our dues, get fed up, and then on to the next one. Its gonna be SO GOOD!!!!

        • Sallyhope says:

          Dude! ABSOLUTELY FANTASY LIFE COME DOWN!!! Big freakin time. In so many ways. HAHAHAH. So that’s why I’ve decided to just create more fantasy to reality situations for myself. First things first…checking out my the Bucket List. WHOOP! Love you girl

  14. Mom says:

    Dear Sally,
    This is such a beautiful, open, outpouring of the whole of you. I love all of your posts, and I love you for having the courage to be truly all of you…in public,…exposed.

    I think it’s incredible that you had the courage to just lay it all out there….and a tremendous gift to me and all of your readers and clients and friends.
    As to the not letting go… well, you know the answer to that for me. I, and most women my age, grabbed on to security really young and clung there until it was so torturous to stay we had to let go (and run to the next stupidly inadequate relationship). I think you and most of your generation have more courage than our whole group combined. You don’t have the security of conventional marriages and jobs….. so you face a dark abyss that we never could. BUT…. like getting to the other end of that zip line in Costa Rica, you will get the reward….a life YOU want, that makes YOU happy and is filled with the rich Sallyness of Sally. I know it.
    As to the boy you mentioned… fuck him. Or as a friend I had at work used to say, which he considered a much worse statement…. “unfuck him”.

    I love you,
    You are truly a blessing in my life,
    Mom

    • Sallyhope says:

      Mom…I love you so much. Can I just print this out and frame it?!

      I love what you said getting to the end of the zipline. That yes, everything is in this weird uncertain abyss kind of place for us, but the trade off is that we get to create these rich lives that we love. I know that’s waiting for me on the other end and I know, looking back, I will be so happy I did it (whatever IT is), just like Costa Rica. These places are sensitive for me, as you know, but I’m so happy that I get to share it and have all this support. Turns out Life Coaches are humans after all! Who knew?

      My whole life you’ve always sent me and Molly messages about living rich and fulfilling and interesting lives. You loved and supported us each step of the way. I feel so lucky and blessed to have been born unto you (whoa…did that sound super religious to anyone else?) and you ALWAYS know what to say in these tender moments. Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!

      And thanks for the boy advice. Possibly the best advice given by a mom, in the history of time…and moms.

  15. Cheryl says:

    You are so brave to admit all that!! And for us admirers of yours, it helps us to admit the same!! Letting go is just so hard!! For me, it’s the fear of being alone. I’d rather hold on to what is totally not right, then face being alone. But, I just know you will find your way, and I look forward to reading about it and being inspired by you to find my way.

    Your blogs are always soooo real!!

    • Sallyhope says:

      Girl…I have to tell you. I was thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis close to deleting the post all throughout the day. Vulnerability is so uncomfortable! But I’ve noticed, especially since I posted this, that when you show your true self and emotions, you open yourself up to tons of love and support. Which, I tell you, is MUCH better than sitting with it all, in my head, crying o
      my couch with my dog (although that feels good too sometimes).

      I also agree that the fear of being alone is a HUGE motivator for me too, mostly in the bad decision making category. The fear of that seems to be greater than the pain of whatever wrong situation you’re in and so you stay. Takes tons of courage to switch it up.

      Thank you for reading and for dropping in. I will most definitely keep writing and we’ll see what happens next. Yipppppeeee

  16. Bernardo says:

    Dearest Sally,

    I love your honest and truthful post.
    This is life: messy, uncertain, confusing (no f**ng manual how about that), real, fun and not so fun other times. The tide goes up and down and we flow in the middle of it like the ocean. Letting go is SOOO FN hard. I lost my dad a little over 2 months ago and to this day I can still feel his warm hand (which I was holding) the moment he left. I still wake up and cry in the middle of the night and sometimes out of nowhere I feel like shouting out with all of my force “please come back”. But since it is not going to happen, after the storm passes through I make a conscious decision to open more, to love more and to be present more often. I make it a point to know that this second there is nothing lacking, it is only when I go inside my head and disconnect from the truth that I loose my connection from my real life.

    I’m not one to tell you what you need to reconnect to your unlimited source and let go, there is a time and a place for everyone. But I trust that you have the strength in sprit to radiate love into the world and by doing so naturally and gracefully letting go without even knowing.

    I know I’ve given you a lot of crap about a salsa post, perhaps some good salsa music will get your heart back in Costa Rica in no time my friend.
    With Love,

    Bernardo

    • Sallyhope says:

      Bernardo…thank you. This post sent me to tears, apparently something I’m used to lately. I can absolutely resonate with your feelings about your dad. I lost my dad when I was 15 years old, and I too was holding his warm hand when he left. It’s a memory and a feeling that still gets me in my gut and in my heart every time I think about it. These things don’t make sense, they’re sad, they spin us into uncontrollable emotions. And then, like you said, we become present, we feel the feelings, and we try to just love more, appreciate more, and open up more. Yes. This is beautiful.

      I absolutely love what you said here: :But I trust that you have the strength in sprit to radiate love into the world and by doing so naturally and gracefully letting go without even knowing.”

      I think you’re so right. Loving, more, is the place to live. I shall do that. Thank you.

      • Bernardo says:

        I have never met you in person but I hope you know I love you. You bring a sense of playfulness, fun and carefreeness to this world that few people ever get a chance to experience. Thank you for sharing the memory of your dad. I respect and appreciate you even more now that I know I share something so profound like that experience with you. Please keep being the AMAZING person that you are. We are all here for you.
        -Bernardo

  17. Greg Dennis says:

    Sally,

    Even us boys get those feelings at times. With regard to that attachment thing, yeah. That, too. I am an obsess-or, myself. I get attached to silly things I shouldn’t be attached to. Routine. It’s a dirty word sometimes. Structure is nice, but that’s just the Jarhead in me talking. I’m supposed to be learning to get out of the routine and “let go”. It’s not easy, I gotta say.

    I have issues with letting go, in just about every sense. Backstory for those who are not Sally: I just got “un-invited” (read: fired, a rose by any other name) from working with the wrestling promotion I’ve been working with for the past eight years due to petty crap. The skinny: The promoter had a bad breakup with a girl that I happen to still associate with. I don’t do the “Team Me” vs. “Team You” thing, and if you’re not on the promoter’s side, then by default, you can’t do business with them. Yes, it’s as silly as it sounds. Yes, this is a grown man acting this way.

    So, I’m grouchy about the whole thing. I’m happy that my friend is no longer being stalked/harassed/etc., and if it costs me this gig, then so be it. I’m not the only one who is affected by this, since I’m not the only person who is not taking sides. So, yeah, I’m kind of hanging on like that.

    In terms of what Sally mentions, yeah, I’ve held onto all of those things, but ya know…sometimes you just gotta take out the trash…literally and figuratively. No matter how hard it is. Also, DON’T LOOK BACK! It’ll come get you if you do. (Try doing this on a Tuesday…it’s trash day then, and that’s always best!).

    Anyway, it’s a weird experience to not be on the road working every weekend and having to take down all the links and banners and references on my site, but if that’s the way it’s gotta be, then that’s the way it’s gotta be. Doors close, doors open, and sometimes you gotta just stick your foot in that dang door to keep it open. If you’re not ready to walk through it yet, find a good doorstop or something. Just so the door don’t close.

    Even Life Coaches Get The Blues.

    Who Coaches the Coaches?

    • Sallyhope says:

      Greg…what an amazing post! Thank you so much and thank you for sharing your story with everyone. I absolutely love your “taking out the trash” analogy. It’s so true. Why do we all hang on to so much trash? Stuff that stinks and doesn’t make us feel good. And I also love the advice of not looking back. Sheeeesh. If only I’d have done that in all my previous years, I could have saved myself a ton of pain and tears. BUT…it’s a new day. This is a new door. And I’ll find a way to keep it open. Thank you, so much, again for this post and all your continued support.

      Keep on rockin like I know you do!

      • Greg Dennis says:

        Well, Sally, you know I’ve seen you wearing eyeglasses, but what your ophthalmologist doesn’t tell you is that hindsight is always 20/20.

        As far as trash…I know I held on to sooo much during my divorce in the hopes my ex would come back to me, and I would be right there waiting to pick right up where we left off. I finally got over wanting her and ditched all the letters and stuff I had written and saved and everything that I didn’t want or need and just DID IT. Kind of Nike, ya know? JUST DO IT!

        But ya know what? I was talking to a friend of mine, a former business partner (and soon-to-be current again, but that’s a whole ‘nother story), and we were talking about dating and relationships and how it all shapes your perspective. Sometimes negative, sometimes positive. While everyone would probably want to be positive all the time, there are times when you HAVE to be a little suspicious, a little cautious. There are times when you WANT to jump right in headfirst, and there are times when you just want to dip your little toe in first and see how cold that “heated” pool is.

        No matter how many bad relationships you have been in, no matter how bad you’ve been hurt, it’s all about shaping who you are; the kind of person you are. You hang onto things because they make you feel good, but you also do because it reminds you of something. Maybe it’s not always good, but it reminds you of something; a certain time in your life perhaps. It’s tough to put those things in the back of your head, but it’s just like visiting Costa Rica, as opposed to just sitting around the house your whole life. It’s about the experience, how it shapes you, and how you move on from there for better things.

        In my case, after my divorce, I could not have ever anticipated being in a relationship, but here I am. I would never have anticipated being spontaneous and not working all the time, but yet, I spent the last day on Earth driving around with my girlfriend and stopping for every garage sale sign we saw on the way, and getting rained on when the little black cloud became a big black one and we’re in a convertible.

        You take those memories, those attachments and you throw it away and wave bye-bye as the garbage truck compresses all of it and drives off, and you make sure you keep those doors open for you and let the experience of a new day shape you all over again.

        “The Duke” himself, John Wayne had a great quote I have saved on my computer about how a new day comes to you nice and clean and its up to you to make the best of it. I don’t have the exact quote here now, but you should look it up. It makes for a great “read” when Life Coaches get the blues.

        Thanks a bunch, Sally! Rock on, and I’ll talk to ya later!

        • Sallyhope says:

          Greg…your comments continue to be filled with SUCH amazing insight and advice. Literally, you could write a book on this comment alone. I totally agree that it’s so easy to WANT to jump in head first. Things seem so perfect, so amazing, like you can’t believe it. And who knows, maybe they are, but most of the time, they aren’t. Because humans aren’t perfect. None of us. It’s a fantasy to think that, and the more attached you are to the fantasy, the less you can really be present to what’s actually there.

          I also 100000000% agree that no matter what the relationship is and what happens, it shapes who you are. People come into our lives to teach us something. To help us grow. And we have to keep experiencing the same lesson until we actually learn it. Once we learn the lesson, it never has to repeat. This reminds me of a quote from “Eat, Pray, Love” that has stuck with me ever since I read it:

          “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

          A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.”

          This hits me in my gut every time I read it. AND, two of the last men in my life, according to my astrology book (that is ALWAYS right on) are listed as soul mates. I find it all so interesting.

          You’re absolutely right that we never know what is right around the corner. Hindsight is always crystal clear. All we can do is keep going, keep following the things that we love and light us up, keep growing, keep learning. And trust that we are moving in the right direction. Thank you for your post. Much food for thought.

          • Greg Dennis says:

            Wow…Eat, Pray, Love JUST SO HAPPENS, by some sheer coinky-dink to be on my girlfriend’s favourite movie list and just about a week ago, I stumbled upon one of my personal favourite signs: VIDEO STORE CLOSING. Now, for those who don’t know what I do, I am a pro wrestling/mixed martial arts media distributor, which is a fancy title for selling vintage sports videos, and store closings are (like garage sales) perfect opportunities to pick up a LOT of great stuff.

            Sooo, since the store was closing anyhow, I also dabble in mainstream films, as well, and was wandering the aisles to see what else they had that might pique my personal interest. As it turns out, they had 2 of the titles on her list, so I picked it up for “movie night”, and it also just so happens, one of the movies is Eat, Pray, Love. Look for our review after next movie night.

            Keep rockin’ Sally!

  18. Hey Sally,
    I read this and the first thought that came to me is this-something big is on the way for this girl and what is happening is that the old must come to the surface to be dealt with and then get on with the new. You are on the RIGHT path baby girl. You are on the right path. Fear is a really good emotion, it is a call to come out and step into that unknown by faith, nothing but faith.

    Sleep if you must, read a silly book, go out for ice-cream but then do one thing to push you forward. Writing this post is one thing that has opened a door.
    You know, I wanted to go back to my home-Kenya next month, and then my husband got a job in N.Carolina. Boy, did I want to kick a wall so hard. I still have to deal with three small kids and no help. I am writing a book, I am blogging, trying to earn some money. I cried rolled on the floor and then I got up and said N.Carolina I am coming there for my blessing. I will be going home this year for two months-by faith.

    We are all with you girl, go on, go on. I strongly believe that what is coming next is something big that you have never done and your life is just trying to make space, go for it.

    • Sallyhope says:

      Grace, my dear. That post gave me full on body chills. I feel your support. I’m taking your wisdom and letting it sink in. I do feel like it’s a purge situation. Learning the lessons right here and right now so that whatever comes next has space to sparkle. I wasn’t thinking of it like that in the moment, but now that you said it, it makes so much sense. I’m so glad I shared this post and am so unbelievably grateful for your insight.

      I am with you too girl, as you step into your own faith for your next steps. I remember talking to you awhile back and thinking that you have SO much to offer, that you are so powerful and talented. I’m glad we are still in touch and I look forward to reading your notes from Kenya. And the BOOK!!!

      Thank you for writing. It means so much to me.

      Love,
      S

  19. Jen Kem says:

    There must be something going around because EVERYTHING you wrote is what I’ve also been struggling with all week long. I started to think I needed to get on happy pills in order to get less stuck, less scatterbrained, more happy, more grateful. I live in Hawaii for God’s sake and I still feel stuck…surrounded by an island, kicking myself for feeling ungrateful. Good to know that I’m ok because you were brave enough to “speak” for me in your post. Seriously my life is so in the same spot right now.

    So, now that you’ve cleared a bit, and you know we’re all behind you, what’s next? Because it’s going to be great. Trust, baby, trust. Attach yourself to that.

    big love
    Jen

    • Sallyhope says:

      Oh Miss Jenny from the Block…I hear you completely. Know that you are not alone and you are allowed to feel EXACTLY how you feel at ALL times, NO MATTER if you live in Hawaii or not. I think somewhere along the lines women (humans, really) learned that we shouldn’t feel what we’re feeling. That it’s not ok to not be happy, or not ok to fall apart. Especially if our lives are lookin pretty good to the outsider. But the more that we allow ourselves whatever feelings we’re having, the easier we can move through them and the less hold they have on us. It goes along with that idea that “what we resist persists.” Less resisting, more loving and accepting.

      I think what’s next for me is a move. Out of my apartment here and off to some other places. Not sure exactly, plan still in the works, but so far, it looks like it might involve an RV. :)

  20. Change is everywhere.
    I love you.
    You can do anything you want.
    xo
    Gini

    • Sallyhope says:

      GINI!!!!!!!!!!!! SO simple, to the point, and HELPFUL! Sometimes it’s in the simplest of advice that helps us the most. :-)
      I appreciate you, so much, my dear.

      Love,
      Sally

  21. Terrah says:

    Sally,
    Thank you for sharing such raw moments. I am and have been where you are and it is hard. I love that you are willing to share so we all don’t feel so alone, but we can encourage each other and know there is a light at the end.

    “If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” —Joseph Campbell

    ps. I love that your mom comments ;-)
    Terrah

    • Sallyhope says:

      Hey Terrah…HAHHAHAHAH! My mom is hilarious, eh? What a cool woman, she is.

      Thank you for writing in and all your support. I love that quote you shared, especially because it speaks to the idea that we may not know how things are going to turn out, but we must keep following those things that inspire us or light us up (or terrify the SHIT out of us) and trust that we will end up where we need to. Sheeeesh…there is so much wisdom here. Thank you.

  22. Tancie Trail says:

    Whew – an entire Self Improvement Course could be written from the comments here alone – Seriously Amazing Feedback!

    I too have been checking in on ya here – and knew something was up when I saw we were not “hearing from you” – please know that this is always totally fine by the way — right!? Always take your time girl – The more time we isolate to deal, the more we heal – so we’ll always be here for ya when “you’re back”!

    Heavy duty life stuff has kicked up shit for so many souls right now – it’s a sign of the times – deep change is sweeping the globe and old patterns are dying off everywhere – Embrace it sista – cause letting go can only mean ONE THING – making space for NEW LIFE!!

    I can relate to the spot you’re in right now – intimately – down to the “isn’t looking for a relationship” guy comment. Ditto on my end. And – on that note – I have declared, and will again now, that THAT was my ABSOLUTE last one of those for this lifetime. PERIOD! haha… yep

    Wanted to share a post of mine from last week so you can know how ‘not alone’ you are – it’s ALL about LETTING GO on the absolute deepest level.

    When we are feeling all the angst and suffering – I think it is because there is a part of us inside that is actually dying- that needs to be let go of. When we approach it this way – and ask ‘the part’ what specifically is it that is ‘dying’ or needs to be let go of – you’d be amazed at the response you’ll get!

    Seriously — Like, everything that you have grown-out-of clumps into this one big dying lump and surges UP to be “let go” of. Read this here – I’ve been swinging the pendulum in the opposite direction – letting go completely – and absolutely recommend it.

    http://tancietrail.com/evolution/i-let-me-die

    Here’s a comment a reader wrote in to me that I LOVE and agree with – and wanted to share with you + everyone here too…

    “It’s when you face your deepest fears and say to them, head on… yes? and your point is? When you look it back in the eyes, you see it shrink away, suddenly cowardly, like a bully just trying to knock you down, suddenly realizing it’s own weakness. As a leader, being strong for others may make you feel like you have to hide your challenging moments lest you look weak. Thank you for not buying into that, and for reminding us that the incredibly difficult suffocating moments are the ones that make us.”

    ROCK ON SALLY HOPE = love you LOVE YOU love you … Tancie T

    • Sallyhope says:

      Miss Tancie…YESSSSSSSSSSS!! Seriously, right? The comments on here have been so insightful, so wise, so helpful. I know you know this from your own writing, and readers, but I’m just so grateful to have everyone here, supporting one another. It’s so amazing to feel held by so many people, sharing their stories with the world.

      And lady, I ready your blog about your ultimate experience of letting go. And likewise…it was so real, so raw, so vulnerable, so beautiful. I absolutely agree that old patterns dying means new life being born. And I think that’s been one of my most important lessons here…what old patterns need to be broken. What keeps showing up for me that I just haven’t quite learned yet. It’s in the asking that growth happens.

      Thank you for being here with me. Thank you for showing up for the world. Thank you for sharing your own experiences. We’re all in this together girl…ain’t that a lovely thought.

      Xo,
      Sally

  23. Hello Sally!

    First of all, forgive me about my english, it’s not my native tongue, so I’m sorry if there is any mistake in my writing.

    I am not too sure of understanding the expresion “letting go”, but anyway I think I understand you are talking about being with a combination of feelings that makes you feel sad, lonely, paralized… without knowing exactly why.
    Almost one year ago I felt lonely, abandoned, sad, lost in life. I really didn’t know why. Just before I felt that way I was feeling the opposite, I had some great holidays in the Canary Islands (some spanish islands where it is summer ALL the year) and Milano (Italy). Then, WHY do I felt so worried, so abandoned, so sad and miserable when I came back home?

    I am getting helped by a very good therapist who really rocks and I am working to change the things I don’t like about my behavior or my old way of viewing things. I was also given a really cool gift by my loving and loved twin sister, a self-help book by Wayne W. Dyer entitled “Your Erroneous Zones” ( http://www.suite101.com/content/dr-wayne-w-dyers-your-erroneous-zones-a177940 ) which is one of the most successful self-help books ever. It talks to you like a friend and gives you tips and advices on how to get over those erroneous (mistaken) zones of us who are stopping us from being happy.

    I have always been a very insecure person, always scared of stepping out of my well-known territory, distrusting newly met people, plenty of doubts about making decisions… I always had the same meal at restaurants because I prefer the old things I already knew rather than getting the “risk” of trying something new. I always feel that the people I liked were cooler and better than me. Last year, a girl who I really like asked me to come and see me playing bass in a show and I couldn’t believe her, how come this wonderful girl could really be interested in see me playing music??? She came and we had a great time but I almost ruined our friendship just for my lack of confidence on myself (now, I’m trying to get her friendship back).

    Well, I am learning of my past errors, I am learning how to explore the unkown, I am learning how to defeat fear, I am learning how to get rid of those things, thoughts and bad feelings that immobilize us and keep us away of happiness.

    Now I know that, like you say, if I feel fear of something I have to go and face it. Then, when you look that thing that scared you so much in the eye, you see it wasn’t THAT terrible. You might even find it funny, enjoyable and interesting. I’m talking about my own experience.

    I look forward to continue overcoming my fears and so conquer new and joyful zones in life and I desire you will too (I know you’ll do, because of things I read in your blogs, etc, I think you are strong, intelligent and cool enough).

    I don’t know if I digress too much. Best wishes and keep on rockin’ !!!!
    :-D
    Darío.

    • Sallyhope says:

      Dario….YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! I just want to give you a big virtual hug and pat on the back for jumping into your fears and getting the help you need. It’s so courageous to be looking at and facing the stuff that is scary to you. No small feat. So you should feel proud of yourself.

      I absolutely agree that once you face the scary thing, it becomes less scary, and a lot of the time just seems silly. Kind of like that kid who is afraid of the monster under the bed, and then just realizes that there is, in fact, no monster, but rather it was just a shadow from a teddy bear that had gotten stuck under there. You can giggle at how real the fear ffelt but how the actual thing itself was so absolutely far from what you’d made up in your head about it.

      Thank you for writing in and your continued support.

      Much love,
      Sally

      • Thank you so much, Sally!!!!!!
        It makes me so happy your nice reply.
        I give you back a big hug and a very big thank you for your words.
        You really are so nice.

        All the best and lots of love!
        Darío.

  24. Violet says:

    BRAVO SALLY!!! You are HONEST-ly, OPEN-ly, and COURAGEOUS-ly embracing the uncertainty that is in this moment for you. Go down into that tube, girl! ;)

    I so admire your bravery and am inspired by your truth. And…please know that you’re not alone! :) In fact, the past 6 weeks have been a period of intense uncertainty and sadness for me, but the difference is – I ran away from it for 5 of those weeks! And guess what, it persisted, swelled, and blanketed me until I let it in. And then…it started to shift. Ahhhh. And although I’m not “better” or “cured” or “fixed” now, I do feel movement, and movement is the basis of being ALIVE.

    You are SO on your path, even though the dance floor may not be lighting up in front of you. Embrace yourself, be gentle, and be free to take whatever next step is calling YOU!

    I love you so much, girl!
    xoxo,
    V

    • Sallyhope says:

      Miss V…how I miss you dearly! Thank you for that comment. I’ve definitely been down the tube and to be honest, it was the only place FOR me to be. You know how in Process they taught us to just be with what’s there? SHEEEEEEEEEEEEESH…that shiz is so true, as it seems we both discovered this week. I’m feeling better and stronger now, and I think so much of that is because I allowed myself to fall apart and feel weak and cry.

      I’m so glad that your sixth week was down the tube and that movement is happening for you. You’re SO right that movement is the basis of being alive, and for someone who is so ALIVE by nature (YOU) I can imagine how hard it must be to not be feeling that.

      Know that I’m out here supporting you and loving you and surrounding you with a giant Sally hug.

      Love you back,
      S

  25. Kelly says:

    Sally!!!! You are too cute! Love the yellow bikini shots and whoa! That took guts to put on the web!

    I totally feel ya! And thanks for the amazing timing of this! :)

    Kind of makes me think of that movie The Runaway Bride, which I thought was going to be SO Hollywood cheesy and it ended up being pretty deep. Remember as a co-dependent how she had to relearn what SHE liked and wanted? I think chicks in general struggle with this. It is super scary to have the whole wide world open to you…but also super exciting!

    Rock on, luv!

    • Sallyhope says:

      Hey girl…thanks so much for writing! And the props on the bikini. At first I was like “I could NEVER put that in a video!” then I was like “screw it…it’s FUN!!” It’s all about taking little steps towards the thing that we don’t think we could ever do (and then it’s about taking BIG steps…you know what I mean girl!).

      And YES about Runaway Bride!! It IS all about finding what WE really want and like and not accepting anything less. It’s like there is some incredibly deep rooted thing within all women where we will do anything for our men. We will change or hide who we are, we don’t speak up for what we need, we can lose ourselves in our relationships, etc. And it’s so important to always be who we are and approach relationships from a “fulfilling self first” point of view. Always so much exciting stuff to learn in the realm of the heart. Wooo weeeeee.

      Keep me posted on you girl.

  26. Kelly says:

    I just gave my two weeks notice today, lady!!!!!!!!! ahahahhahahahahahh I’m SO EXCITED!!!! I’m not sure, but I think I may have already dealt with all of the fear…and the worst case scenario isn’t that bad to me anyhoo…and I KNOW exactly what I want…so it was as if I HAD to do this and I did it today. Totally exhilarating!! :) Thank you so so so so so so much for your encouragement and nudges. I had several key people that helped me to take the leap. mwah!!

    • Sallyhope says:

      HOLY SHIT WOMAN!!! CONGRATSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! Oh man I am getting such a feeling of elation reading this post. I’m so happy for you and believe 100% that things will go just how you want them to go. I see adventure and success and smiling and wine in your future (wine??? don’t know why that came up but it did hahaha). Anytime you need a nudge, I’m here. Or…anytime you wanna drink wine. ;-)

  27. Kelly says:

    ahahah OK!!! It’s ON!! You are so intuitive!! I love wine! ;) We will drink wine together some day soon! Just holla next time you are in NYC! Besitos!!!!

  28. Dorothy says:

    Sally –
    I think my new computer is into S&M – me being the ‘M’ part of the relationship. Which means I can’t flip back to your post without losing everything. So it has to come from my faulty memory.

    If it helps – we think you are wonderful (as well as beautiful :).

    I gave up my career, sold my house, divorced my husband and thought I would feel free – yes, sure, but also terrified.

    On our current plan, which during daylight hours i think is a great one, at 4 in the morning I get scared. Some writer I once read, called it not just ordinary bravery, but “5 in the morning bravery” That’s when you need to meditate a little and concentrate on breathing deeply, otherwise you’ll get no effing sleep at all.

    Your mantra, should you need one, can be – “remember the ants, remember the ants”

    Dorothy

    • Sallyhope says:

      HAHHAH!! “Remember the ants, remember the ants!” I LOVE it. And thank you for your sweet words. I absolutely resonate with the 5am bravery. It’s always right in the morning when I feel the most scared, sunken, or sad. So it’s just a matter of getting through it. I love the meditation idea. I do something I don’t call meditation but I think it is. Hee hee. Thank you for your support Dorothy and you watch out for those bee-ant-flyingtermites too!!!

  29. Dailey says:

    Miss Sally,
    Absolutely not alone, it was so hard to let you and Miss Natalie go in Austin. You guys are so inspiring and take life by the horns like no one else Ive ever seen. Plus you’re finding guidance in a MJ video, that’s my girl. Confucius day lots of brilliant, comforting, and humbling things but I really like what Sally Hope says. Rock Miss Sally!

  30. Lisa C. says:

    Yo. Loved the words…loved the MJ metaphor! As someone in the midst of reinventing myself at a “later age”, I know what you mean by running towards fear. However, if you put your head down & run like a mofo, you most likely will plow right through it, no? hahaha! (That’s not for everyone btw, it’s just my style.)

    Witness, my latest craze…I’m totally addicted to this game called Angry Birds. I know everyone’s heard of it, but while I was up until 1am last night, trying to get through the latest and hardest level, I thought, “these little f*ckers remind me of ME!” Bird hops into the sling & gets launched! Sometimes you land short or overshoot your target. Some are a dead hit! Score! Some birds can be jet-powered through the rubble, others drop bombs, others ARE bombs! (heh heh heh) My fave bird is the teensie blue bird that when exploded, branches off into 3 separate birds…no boundaries, higher scoring!

    Let’s do launch. Carry on, Sally Hope!

    • Sallyhope says:

      Miss Lisa…AHHHHH!!! I love the angry bird metaphor! hahahhahahhaha. You’re such a rockstar and I’m so glad we’re connected. Love your “charge through it” attitude and I can’t WAIT to see what you create this year. :)

  31. Richard says:

    Hi Sally I really liked your video and loved the music. Tou showed a lot of beautifull senery and I am not just talking about you and your friend. LOL I stumbled onto your site from NRA news. You are doing a great job. Any yes I can relate to a lot of what you are going through. I am a 58 year old male that has been married twice. Divorced once and widowedf once. My heal is getting worse all the time and I am considering moving down sout as I live in north easrt Indiana, want to get out of the cold. I am having a hard time figuring out what I want to do. Too many things are being held onto. Your are awesome young lady and keep up with your shooting.

    Richard.

    • Sallyhope says:

      Hey Richard! Thank you so much for reading and writing in. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot of really trying times, and I have a lot of respect for you that you’re still trying to figure out what works best for you. It takes courage to keep it going. And I completely resonate with having a hard time figuring it out. It’s like our heads want to know what we should do, but good decisions are usually made with the heart. Don’t worry too much about “figuring it out.” I have the feeling you know exactly what is right for you. Do that!!

      Please stop by often and say hello. I’m always happy to get fellow shooters in the ring. :)

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