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Meet Sally Hope

Motorcycle-riding renegade life coach and leader of the Wildheart Revolution. Loves: Hot-pink lipstick, puns, guns, crosswords, two-steppin', and french manicures.

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Category Archives: wildheart

How To Be Nice When You Want To Be An A-hole Instead

blog 10.8

I was listening to this Bjork song earlier. Bobbing my head along. Imagining I was back on stage swinging my hair all around. Being all angsty and rock n rolly on stage.

And then I listened to the words “And if you complain once more, you’ll meet an army of me.”

Which is basically saying “I can’t listen to you complaining anymore…I’m DONE!”

I smiled. And giggled. Because I’ve had this feeling many many times in my life.

Like, imagine that you’re sitting there helping a friend through something. And they keep talking about it, but not wanting to do anything about it.

It’s like the same story over and over again. And when you give them (really awesome amazing) advice that you know will help them they don’t take it. And not only that, sometimes they get all mad at you and say things like “are you trying to coach me right now?” And then they leave. And a week later they come back and say the same things over and over again. Same problems.

And you’re all like “Ughhhhhhhhhhh!”

And this is where it gets personal, right? Like “Dude…I TOLD you what you could do to make it better” and “It’s kinda like what I do for a living…helping people through these problems.”

And yet, they still don’t want to hear it.

Bjork’s song made me giggle because at times, I’ve felt like wanting to say that. Like saying “FINE…if you don’t want my help then stop talking to me about it!”

or “Please shut the hell up, I have enough of my own problems to deal with.” (Tweet this!)

And then I felt like a jerk. Because I know deep down, that isn’t how I REALLY feel, or how I want to look at life. Or my loved ones. And that it’s a bit selfish. But what I have done is thought of some ways to change my perspective on it.

Because the truth is that you can’t change people. (Tweet this!)

You can’t make them ready to hear things they aren’t ready to hear. You can’t make them stop having problems (and more than that you can’t fix their problems) and you can’t make them stop talking to you about it.

You can’t really do anything other than be different about how YOU are in those moments of talking to them.

And so I came up with four things to try that might help you handle things in a helpful and nice way when you instead want to be an a-hole about it:

1) Listen

I know…it sounds simple and kind of counterintuitive but what I’ve found is that people most of the time just want to be heard. They rarely want to be fixed, even if there is a very simple solution to whatever their problems are.

This video is a PERFECT and hilarious display of this.

So for as long as you can hack it, just listen. And say something like “That sounds so hard, I’m so sorry you’re having to go through that.”

I have a friend who was going through a really tough time. She told me that she didn’t want anyone to offer any solutions, but rather she would prefer some acknowledgement on how shitty things were. Once I did that, we got on to talking about Dexter or our favorite new tea.

When people feel acknowledged, seen and heard, they don’t need to continue rambling on.

2) Show them love in the way they like to receive love

So often, we approach people with the way WE like to give love, rather than the way they need to receive it. So for example, let’s say that you are someone who likes to offer solutions to problems as a form of “love”, but the person you’re talking to feels loved when you give them hugs.

Try to find out the ways in which they feel loved and then give that to them.

When I’m upset, I like to just cry it out and have another person listen and acknowledge, so that tends to be how I approach my friends. But I have a friend who needs personal touch (hugs, hand holding) to feel heard and loved.

It’s not my go-to move, but I know when I talk to her that that’s what she needs from me. So I do that.

If you don’t know what your friends need from you, just ask! A good way to do that is to say: “How do you feel loved?” or “What are some things I can do right now that make you feel loved and heard?”

3) Ask them what they need from you

So often, we assume what people need. That in talking, we assume they want fixing. Or maybe we assume they want commiserating. Or we assume they want us to be angry with them. But a lot of the time, what we assume people want from us isn’t exactly what they want. And furthermore, if we give them what they don’t want, it can shut them down.

If you notice this might be happening with a loved one, you can also say, “hey…what do you need from me right now?”

That allows them to state their needs in a non-threatening way and it allows you to stop guessing.

4) Be honest

Ok…so if you’ve tried one through three and they are STILL going on and on about whatever thing, it is ok to opt out of the conversation.

This happened to me before and it was simultaneously the coolest and scariest interaction I ever had with my friend.

We had been hanging out for a couple hours and she was talking about a particular problem. I listened and tried to be there for her, but after about an hour and a half, I was exhausted. It was Friday and I had spent the entire week helping and coaching people and I just didn’t have the capacity to listen to it anymore. That was the truth for me.

I needed my friend and I needed her to be there with me and just be silly and have fun.

So I said “No…just no. I can’t listen anymore. It’s the end of my week, we’ve been talking about this for over an hour. Can we just hang out?”

It wasn’t the most tactful request of my life but it was honest. It’s what came out. And we actually both just burst out in laughter after I said it.

She agreed, that we didn’t need to keep talking about it. We became closer in that moment, and both got what we needed.

You may choose different words but the point being that it’s ok to state your needs as well. Conversations are a two-way street. You both will have wants and needs and desires and it’s ok to state yours.

One of my favorite quotes is from Tim Ferriss about conversations. Something like “your success in life is directly proportional to your willingness to have difficult conversations.” I’d change this up in this situation a little to be “…your willingness to speak the truth.”

So there you have it. The four ways to be a good friend when you otherwise want to be an a-hole. And really, what I believe this is speaking to is the bigger “spiritual” lesson of compassion, both for yourself and others.

It’s easy to just be reactive in life. To be unhappy with a situation and internalize it and feel resentful. But it can also be just as easy to be “cause” in your relationship. Not just an innocent bystander who gets swept up in whatever is happening around them.

You can change the way you’re being about things to make them work better for you and at the same time being there for your loved ones.

And this is where the spiritual lessons meet the road. Where you get to walk your talk. Where you get to practice all those things you learn on the Pinterest pins.

It’s easy to learn stuff but we don’t always integrate it into our lives. That’s one thing I love about the Wildheart Revolution. It’s the place to actually PRACTICE all the stuff you learn everyday. If you’re not already on the list, make sure you put your name below to be the first to know when the doors to enrollment swing open.

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Which out of these resonated the most? What do you do when you’re so tapped out from being there for everyone? Got any good tips? I would LOVE to hear from you. Leave your thoughts, tips and tricks in the comments below.

Let Go Or Be Dragged (what God has to do with my forced vacation)

blog 8.20(1)Not last week, but the week before (“24 robbers came knocking at my door” just kidding but extra points for anyone who knows what that’s from…anywho…moving on) I took a vacation.

I know this doesn’t seem like news. And it isn’t really. But in my own personal life, it was of very significant importance.

The Sunday before my vacation started, I lost my shit. Again. Couldn’t keep all my emotions inside.

For anyone who has been around for the past six months, you’ve seen a lot of tears happen. You’ve witnessed me sob on the floor. Grasp, search, and feel oh so lost.

And it all came to a head (again) a couple Sundays ago.

I was in that place that we all get to, when you finally feel like you’re “done” with whatever challenge you’re facing. Like “yep…I’m good. Handled that and it’s over with. YAY! Wash my hands of it and I’m moving on. Sweet! I”M FREEEEEEE!”

Right?

Wrong.

Because then you KNOW what happens.

It creeps back in unexpectedly when you see 25 license plates in one day (no joke) of the state where your ex lives even though the state is a billion miles away. Or you hear a song that reminds you of them. Or you’re struggling and forget that you can’t call the person that used to help with that particular type of struggle. Or you stumble upon a FB tagged post with them and another girl.

(I know you know what I’m talking about).

And then you cry and cry while you’re in yoga class and go home and read through all your emails from that person, basically torturing yourself while wondering, “is it time to reconnect and reach out?”

But then, you decide to sleep on it. Ride the wave. Be WITH the pain of whatever you’re feeling, knowing that whatever “solution” you were imagining (reaching out, getting on an airplane, becoming a nun) isn’t going to solve the “problem” because the answer doesn’t live outside yourself. AND there is another person involved who has their own agenda.

And this is where I was when I woke up on the Monday morning that my Team basically ordered me to take a no emails, no internet, no work-vacation (first in five years…CRAZY).

Needless to say, this has been a time of growth for me. Everything has changed in one short year. I built Wildheart out of thin air and got it to the place I wanted it to be.

Where it is a beautiful and loving family of souls on fire. And sometimes when you actually get what you want, you feel lost.

Even in terms of this said “breakup” mentioned above.

To be absolutely truthful, the relationship as we did it at the time, didn’t work. Ever. There was always distance (literal and figurative) and drama and struggle. We never appeared to be on the same page, minus a few blissful moments. When he was fully into it, I resisted. When I was fully into it, he resisted. And that’s not the type of dynamic I want in my “true love” scenario.

But yet, when you’re dealing with emotions and ego and fear of “will I be alone forever? And that man was absolutely incredible and whyyyyyyyyyy can’t it workkkkkkk??” and in the memory of all the absolutely ridiculously amazing times you had together, things get messy. And hard. And sad. And you forget about all the things that didn’t work and all the pain that happened at the end. And then you find yourself sobbing during your shavasana.

I’ve been reading a book lately that I’m really working with, Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver. And it reminds me of something psychic Licia Morelli said on a guest coaching call inside the Wildheart Revolution this week.

blog 8.20(2)

Which is…the answers all come in the space BETWEEN thought and action. (Click to Tweet that!)

In rest. In being quiet. In the calm place. Not in the thinking, worrying, or fear place.

That all the answers are both within us and also we have no control over anything other than the way we go through life. And that there is an inner wisdom that will guide us if we let it.

That week, my guides led me to a vacation, which was the absolute best thing ever. And in that space between, I found a glimmer of faith. The understanding that things somehow always just work out for the greater good. That the Universe/God/Goddess/Higher Power will not let us miss an opportunity that is right for us, and will not let us be in a situation that is wrong for us.

I literally have to have faith in this. Or else I’ll fall apart. Again. And probably will. In which case you’ll be hearing about it. :) But that’s life. I seriously have come to the understanding that life is a big bunch of swings of the pendulum. We feel great then we feel horrible then somewhere in between then great again. It’s the swinging and changing that makes it life. And that’s ok.

So all we can do is sink into the space between our thoughts and  actions, and trust that in letting go and surrendering to what the Universe has in store for us in our best, brightest life, that things just work out. (Click to Tweet that!)

It’s a calming thought. And one that I literally have to practice every single day because it sure as hell doesn’t come naturally to this Scorpio control freak who wants to weave the web of my life into a perfect beautiful scenario.

But in these spaces between, it feels like heaven.

It feels good to hand it all over to “someone else” saying “you take care of it! I’ll just be here open to receiving whatever messages you have for me.”

My best friend and I have been giggling lately about this concept. It reminded me of the phrase “let go and let God,” which didn’t mean diddly to me until now. Or that Carrie Underwood song “Jesus Take The Wheel.”

Regardless of religious preferences, this is the place I’m at. Laying down the sword. Bowing on the ground, forehead on the Earth. Literally saying out loud…”please guide me, please help me, I can’t do it alone” while clutching whatever crystals I have in my hands and sleeping with them under the pillow. Because, hey, why not throw everything at it.

I don’t know where this space between will lead me, but I feel like I’m on a new path. And at the very least, I’m letting go and letting god. In the best way I know how.

blog 8.20(3)

The future is always 100% unknown, and yet, we all forget that. Up to now, I was worrying myself sick with the idea that there was actually something I could DO to change how I was feeling and the situation I was in. And in those quiet moments, I realized that the only action was necessary was to let go. Freefall.

And so here I am…falling. In that place of utter unknown. About love. About the future. And walking this path knowing that there has got to be some inner light that is guiding me (right?) Does this sound utterly ridiculous? Probably. But whatev. That’s where I’m at.

How about you? Where are you at? Are you feeling lost, worried, scared about the future? Do you feel like time is slipping away? Do you have a broken heart too? Are you feeling like you might lose your shit too? Are you better than me at “letting go”?

If so, let’s support each other. I would love to know where you’re at in the comments below.

In it together,

Sally

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Be badass. #wearwildheart

#wearwildheart

Dear Wildheart,

I know I’ve been a bit quiet around here lately. And honestly, that’s because…things have been shifting for this me (as well as the entire Wildheart brand) BIG TIME.

I feel like the past six months have been a whirlwind…and not necessarily in the super fun, light, airy way. More in the way of everything that has been happening, has made me evaluate what I truly want in my life (personally) and what I want for Wildheart. Which can feel…sluggish.

It’s been an interesting time. I’ve cried a lot. Struggled. Felt stuck. Felt lost. Felt heartbroken. Felt like I got my butt kicked (you too?). And at the same time, now, at the end of it, I feel re-inspired. More myself. Softer. And also more determined than ever to make Wildheart the coolest f-in place to hang out on the internet.

There’s been some things brewing behind the scenes here. Lots of things. Ideas flying out of my head. Changes and additions and many many magical things being brewed behind the scenes while each day passes.

I can’t share the details right now, but I promise that it will be FUN, dynamic, irreverent (in true Wildheart fashion) and you WILL NOT WANT TO MISS OUT ON ANY OF IT. I get chills just thinking of what we have up our sleeves here at Wildheart HQ.

Part of that is more Wildheart products that you can rock out into the real world. And as a little teaser, I wanted to offer you the newest addition to the Wildheart family. The “Copper Stamped Wildheart Bracelet.”

Copper Stamped Wildheart Bracelet




These are all handmade by a Montanan, living in California (which is the opposite of me!). Copper plating. Rope cord. And blue woven clasp. $32 including shipping and tax (if you’re in the US). They aren’t officially being offered in my store yet, which is why there’s just a pic of my arm with the bracelet on it and not some super dope photo campaign around it.

But that’s Wildheart. We do the best we can with what we got and we SHARE SHARE SHARE the cool things we’re up to.

And that’s what I’m here to do. Share this AWESOME bracelet for you. So you can WEAR WILDHEART everyday. So you can be reminded and inspired to make the choices that feel most aligned with your heart and soul.

And you can remember to carpe the HELL outta your diem.

There are only ten of these…total. So hop aboard and grab yours now by clicking the “buy now” button right here:




Shipping is included if you’re in the US. If you’re International, email me at sally@sallyhope.com and we’ll get you a new “buy” button.

Can’t wait to see how you Wear your Wild HEART.

Much love,

Sally

P.s. These are copper! Which means 1) They look super dope; and 2) If you get them wet they might turn your skin green (depends on the skin…doesn’t do it to me but does do it to my friend) so don’t go dunking these puppies in the river)

 

 

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Up up and away dear Wildheart,
Sally

Because Two Whiskeys Are Better Than One

Last week I went to a baseball game on a whim, with my best friend.

 

We hopped on the BART train (bay area public transportation) like a couple of teenagers who just snuck out of the house.

With whiskey in our water bottles, extra eyeliner, and sassy attitudes, we giggled and laughed the whole way to the park.

 

And when it came time to “sneak in” our water bottle to the game, it brought me right back to being 16 years old when i had to “sneak in” beers through my bedroom window. Or try to get the older kids at the liquor store to buy us beer for the weekend.

Or the rush I used to get when I just decided that I was to be backstage at whatever concert I was at. Or be best friends with whatever celebrity I saw at the bar that night.

It reminded me of Reckless abandon. Freedom. Deciding what you want and then making it happen. Even if it seems impossible or ridiculous.

In my career of doing this…crazy amazing things have happened. Because I went for it. I asked for the dance. But had I not gone for it, nothing would have happened.

And this reminded me of everything in life and in business.

If you don’t say yes to the opportunities, or don’t create your own….nothing happens. (click to tweet!)

If you don’t put yourself out there, no one knows about you.

If you don’t get in the van, you’ll stay exactly where you’re at.

So much of the time we feel like we don’t have what we want, but yet aren’t willing to do anything to truly change that. Or feel like we don’t know HOW to change that.

So I wanted to come up with a fun list of things to keep in mind if you’re feeling stuck. If life is feeling a little bit lackluster. I hope you enjoy it. XOXO

When the opportunity shows up, take it

When the opportunity isn’t there, create it

Don’t try to do it alone (two whiskey water bottles are better than one)

Follow your instincts

Ask for the dance

Say yes when asked to dance

Get in the van

Try something different (do the opposite of what you usually do)

Be rebellious

Question your own thoughts

Have fun

When you need help, ask for it

Be around loved ones as much as possible

Be clear on what it is you want

Ask for guidance on how to get it

I wrote an email to my newsletter list this weekend. And one of the people who responded is psychic Licia Morelli. And she wrote:

“I get the image of you steering a ship and the course is in the midst of being righted. Your first mate (I believe your partner or someone who is with you and around you appears from behind out of nowhere and is back at your side) he’s coming and standing next to you guiding your course.

But you are the Captain and you choose how you ultimately get there- the stars are your map- keep following your instincts.”

And this all feels very on par for the adventure I’m currently on.

I just had the feeling I needed to leave town. Grab the van. Start driving. And figure it out along the way.

Same thing with the baseball game. And getting backstage. And everything.

Our hearts and instincts know what’s best. But we ignore the messages all the time.

What I wish for you is this…Follow your arrow, wherever it points.

And if you want help doing that, I hope you check out the Wildheart Revolution because none of us can do it alone. Because knowing the right move or the direction of your arrow isn’t always super clear.

Because two whiskeys are better than one. (click to tweet!)

Because you need all the support you can get to live the exciting life you’re imagining for yourself.

I want that for you. And I see it happen every single day inside the Wildheart Revolution. My members are doing things they never thought they could. Are sharing in ways they’ve never been able to anywhere else. It’s so hard to describe what it’s like in there…I just know that CHANGE IS HAPPENING. We’re a peacefully rebellious army whose goal is to fight for the very best lives possible.

That is the Wildheart Revolution.

And we want YOU.

Doors for Wildheart are currently open, but only until tomorrow. And if you hop in now, price of membership is $100 off. So don’t miss it. Don’t forget to say YES to the dance. YES to the adventure.

See you backstage,

Sally

THIS IS A WILDHEART LIFE.

I had a whole other blog planned out for you today. But such as life goes…blogs go to.

In that…from moment to moment, everything changes.

If you’ve been reading my blogs lately, you’ve probably noticed that life has felt a bit…tough. Emotional. Sobbing on the floor kind of pain.

And somewhere in all that mess I decided I needed an adventure. (click to tweet)

Everything felt stuck. Same old same old. I’d wake up to the same view with virtually the same nightmares the night before.

Work on the same spot on the same couch. Or the same table at the same coffee shop. Day after day.

I got into business for myself because I wanted to create the kind of life I truly wanted to live, but what happened along the way was that I became an employee of my own business, with a boss that was tough on me. And expected a lot. And gave me no days off.

Self-inflicted wounds.

And don’t get me wrong…I love what I do with all my heart and soul, which is how it’s possible for me to work at it as much as I do.

I BELIEVE in Wildheart. I BELIEVE it makes a difference. I BELIEVE it’s important. And I BELIEVE it needs to be in the world. It’s much much more than work.

It’s a mission. A piece of my heart. It’s important. And I love it.

But if I, myself, am not “wildhearting” in my own life, then what good is it that I run the Wildheart Revolution?

So on a whim last week, I got on a plane. Packed whatever would fit in a small black backpack and headed out to California. Where I picked up my family’s camper van.

If you’ve been around these parts for awhile, you’ll know that I spent LOTS of time traveling in this exact van. On a solo road mission to find out what I was made of (as well as the most ideal place for me to live). That time, with just a map and my big great dane.

This time. It’s just me. No map. No dog. Which is apropos to where I’m at in my life right now. A whole new chapter that is literally being written as each word slides off my fingers onto this keyboard.

Nothing is the same as it’s been before. And what’s ahead? Who knows. Seriously. (click to tweet)

So much is unknown. Including where the van will be going later today. And it reminds me that ALL of life is unknown.

Technically, this is not a good time for me to be on the road. I am launching another enrollment for the Wildheart Revolution, which requires a ton of internet time and undivided attention.

And in the spirit of walking my talk, I don’t care.

I surrender and trust that I will have the opportunity to be here as much as I need to be, while at the same time letting the wind flow through my hair, listening to the ocean waves crash as I drift off to sleep. Letting whatever local radio station there is fill the soundtrack of my drive. Watching the pinks and yellows of the sunset peer through my window.

I don’t know where the wind will take me, but really, none of us do.

We just have to trust that we know what’s best for us in any given moment, and BELIEVE that it all works out for the best. (click to tweet)

Yesterday I woke up on the shore of a beach on the coast of California. I slept in til near 10, which I haven’t done in ages. Took a leisurely breakfast with an important person in my life.

Stopped by the winery of my college roommate. And ended up crying (happy and sad tears) over a glass of wine from said winery with my very best friend in the whole world later that night.

We got dressed up all fancy (hello high heels…haven’t seen you since I moved to Montana) and I took her out to dinner at a totally hipster fancy restaurant. We talked about life. Love. Change. Age. The fact that we ruled the town back in our 20’s. We reminisced about all the men in our past (plenty of which we couldn’t remember their names). And we wondered how on earth to go back in time.

And then realized that we don’t actually want to. And that’s not the point. That this moment is the only one that matters and in this moment we are laughing and hugging and eating olives out of a fancy bowl. And what else in life is there, really?

It’s THIS moment. The one that matters.

That there is a blue sky. Or a hug from your best friend’s daughter.

I’m not sure where I’ll be next time I write you but I’ll undoubtedly take you along for the ride.

Because THIS is a Wildheart Life.

The metaphoric (or literal) wind in your hair. The hug with your best friend. The decision to get on that plane or only pack as much as will fit in a backpack. The decision to live in the now. To make decisions based on your heart in this moment. And to keep living and loving even when you’re balled up on the floor. Crying.

Life goes on. So let your Wildheart run free in the meantime. (click to tweet)

And this is exactly what the Wildheart Revolution is all about. Making conscious choices. Being awake. Getting on that plane (whatever YOUR version of that plane is). Letting your heart hang out and your tears flow through. Being the absolute best YOU possible by taking yourself on these adventures.

Wanna come along for the ride?

I am opening the doors again to the Wildheart Revolution (in case you don’t know it’s a private lifestyle/coaching community for unconventional people who want to live life on their own terms) next week. And it’s different this time.

Yes, there will be a sale, but I’m also limiting the number of total members as to keep the group intimate and close. Which means that if you want to become a member you’re going to want to jump in now. Once the spots are filled, the only way to get in will be if someone leaves the group. I’m not messing around here. :)

Sign up on this list to be the first to know when doors open.

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I’ll be the one waving to you from the highway,

Sally

Wildheart Revolution