April 30th, 2012
Jealousy. And That Hottie Luke Bryan.
In my opinion, Luke Bryan is one of the hottest new artists in country music. Literally and figuratively. And this weekend, I found myself watching him on stage at Southern California’s biggest country music festival, Stagecoach.
But instead of simply just enjoying the eye candy, great music, and killer entertainment that that hottie put forth on stage, I found myself feeling extremely jealous. Of everything. Of how much fun he looked like he was having on stage. Jealous of his wife, who I figured must be the luckiest woman on the planet. Jealous of his life. And then that extended over to everyone I saw in the crowd. Jealous that they were 22 and I’m not, or in a relationship, or had a better body or hair, etc etc.
It was a mess. And then I felt bad about myself.
You see, I used to be that. I used to be up on stage, touring, having fun, playing music, performing. I also used to be the girlfriend of the lead singer of an amazing, touring band that I’m sure thousands of girls were jealous of. And looking back on it now, this weekend I think I saw myself as someone who USED to be doing something amazing. “I used to BE somebody,” I thought. In many people’s eyes, I was probably living the dream.
So why on Earth did I leave it all behind? Why did I leave music? Why did I leave my relationship? I kept asking myself these questions this weekend. And remembered that when you have time and distance away from something, it’s so easy to only see the good stuff, but I realized that I left it behind because it wasn’t right for me. Sometimes the “idea” of the thing is better than the thing itself.
I have the tendency to look at my life from the outside in, thinking “if I only had (fill in the blank), my life would be perfect.” And coming from this place, it’s easy to become jealous…often.
And I know you know what I’m talking about.
You see someone who is doing something awesome. Something that YOU want to be doing. That you THOUGHT you’d be doing by now. But yet you’re not. And so you see them, and immediately start comparing yourself to them. And feeling bad about yourself.
“They must be way more disciplined than me.”
“Their stuff isn’t even THAT good.”
“They must be more talented than me, have more money than me, have more contacts than me, have a better (whatever) than me, have a more supportive partner than me,” and the list goes ON AND ON AND ON.
I do this and I know you do to. Because it’s not just a Scorpio thing. It’s a human thing. And it’s an epidemic. Found among smart, talented, creative, ambitious people. People who want more. Who live in a world beyond norms. Who strive to be their best selves. But what happens when this epidemic hits is that just simply by comparing ourselves to others, we are intrinsically denying all of this great stuff to happen for us.
Because in this comparison game, WE will never win. Because there will ALWAYS be someone better than us. No matter how good we get, how talented we are, how pretty we feel, how good at yoga we are…there will always be someone better.
And there is nothing wrong with that because life isn’t about being better than everyone. It’s about being the best YOU you can be. It’s about setting your goals high and doing the very best you can to reach them. It’s about affecting people the way YOU want to affect them.
When I was in a band, I knew my biggest asset there was access. I had access to a lot of people that I could then spread my message to. The message of being a good person, loving yourself, doing the things that matter in your life and that spark you, and living your dreams. But the actual act of playing music wasn’t my ultimate dream. Inspiring people was and still is. Which is exactly what I’m doing now.
We create our lives. I’m here because somewhere along the line I decided to be here. I’m not playing music because I decided not to. And I’m guessing the same is true for you. I know sometimes it’s hard to see but where you are is exactly where you should be. Always moving and growing, even when you feel stagnate.
And perhaps the reason we aren’t where we want to be yet is because it isn’t our time. We haven’t learned what we need to learn. We haven’t experienced what we need to experience. And…we don’t see that where we are right now, in this moment, reading this blog, is exactly where we need to be. There’s no need to be jealous. We don’t need to search to find what we’re looking for. What we want, wants us, and it’ll find us. All we have to do is keep living life. Keeping stretching beyond our comfort zone. And keep the jealousy at bay. We’re perfect exactly the way we are. Our gift to the world is unique to us. And it’s been there all along.
It’s time to shine.
Have you been finding yourself jealous of anything or anyone lately. Tell me I’m not alone here in the jealousy crowd! Leave a comment below.
Also…here’s that hottie…you’re welcome.
Even though we JUST talked about this, reading it on your blog, in the beautiful way in which you weave the words has me in tears. Thanks for the reminder beoo: “What we want, wants us, and it’ll find us. All we have to do is keep living life. Keeping stretching beyond our comfort zone. And keep the jealousy at bay. We’re perfect exactly the way we are. Our gift to the world is unique to us. And it’s been there all along.”
Thank you for being YOU. For being an inspiration. For the hand holding and the virtual hugs and love and support. My life is so much more rich with you in. Love you!
1) I adore YOU and your honesty.
2) There is NO ONE better than Sally.
3) I know that for sure several people look at what you are doing today with the same feeling of (why not me) that you felt at the concert.
In all honesty, what you longed for on Saturday is the open, carefree, impactful person that you already are. Perhaps it’s Just a matter of remembering who you really are at your essence. And BTW no matter what you do you will always be a rockstar in my world.
So much love your way.
Bern…I am teary reading this. So grateful to have you in my life. To be seen by YOU. To hear your wisdom and have your support means so much to me. And I think you’re right. It wasn’t the touring life I missed. It was the impact. The access. Connecting. Affecting. And it’s just connecting to that part of me, connecting to that spark and remembering. I forget. I don’t want to be doing “ME” in a band. I want to be doing “ME” all the time. Traveling. Having lunch with you. Creating magic with Natalie. Writing blog posts. I left music for a specific reason. So I could learn and grow and impact in my own way. And I’m so lucky I have people like you to look up to. Thank you, my friend.
you are amazing. and inspiring. keep doing what your doing because you’re sharing some serious #truth.
Gosh dude…thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me to hear that. My sensitive heart is really appreciative of your encouragement. THANK YOU!
I LOVED this post, so honest and inspiring! Although, the only thing I disagree on is that when you do find the love of your life, you’ll be the best in his or her eyes… ;-)
LOVE THIS comment and am loving our new friendship. Methinks we need to meet very soon. Thank you so much for reading and for commenting. Massive hugs and kisses your way.
God that feeling you described of “yeah that used to be me” I may not have been a rock star, but I did a heck of a lot of things. Going through changes like I am right now I do find myself thinking exactly like you did. I’m trying to stretch and reading you helps me every time.
Right?? I find that our identity is so tied into the things we do. It’s been quite a learning process! It sounds like for you too.
1) Ditto Bernardo. Took the words right out of my mouth, but said them even better than I could ;)
2) Soooo true! Jealousy is the biggest waste of time and effort and we all need this reminder every once in a while so badly. Me especially.
3) Dude is a hottie!
I mean…HOTTTTTTTTIE!!!!! Right?! I can almost not stand it. :)
Loved the video (musicians being goofballs is always a fave with me!).
This column reminded me of the Nine Inch Nails’ song “Down In It”. And wouldn’t you know, right in the middle of the song it stops and he says, “I used to be somebody”.
Meanwhile, I’ve decided to replace the word “jealous” with “wistful”. Being wistful for what used to be is so much more positive, no? The word even makes me smile.
Girl…thank you for your wisdom and TOTAL reframe. WISTFUL!!! Yes, that’s a much better and more productive way to look at it, and in truth, it’s exactly what it was anyway. I don’t ACTUALLY want to be a touring musician again. I get to have all the amazing times I had, and still live my life now the way I want. And that’s pretty special. Thank you for the reminder. LOVE.
AND…I agree with the goofball thing. That’s why I posted that one instead of the many other ones I could have. Silly and fun. Hope you’re having a great day.
Yes, I’m so with you…totally jealous…often. It sometimes seems like other people are just stumbling into the life I want: the loving and supportive relationship, the creative and impactful work, the amazing and comfortable home, the European vacations, etc. You’re so right, it’s not about being better, but being me here and now. I try chanting this to myself each day: I’m exactly where I need to be, what I seek is seeking me, what I need and want comes to me at the perfect time and in the perfect way as I stop trying to control EVERYTHING and settle into the flow of my life. I must say, those truths take a while to sink in. You described this experience so brilliantly, as always.
It’s a natural response to want to be more “whatever” and feel like you want to be in a different place than what you are.
I direct your attention once again to the great philosopher, Spock:
“You may find that having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting. This is not logical, but it is often true.” — Spock (Amok Time)