love & relationships wildheart wildheart revolution
May 22nd, 2013
There Is Nothing More Badass Than Being Who You Are
I decided to take my friend Srini up on a challenge. He’s helping promote a book called “Love With a Chance of Drowning” a memoir by Torre DeRoche. Which is a book about embarking on an adventure and overcoming tons of fears (both obvious and more subtle) in order to do so.
And since all these things are my favorite topics (love, adventure, overcoming obstacles, self-reflection) I decided to chime in with an account of my own fearful adventure.
At first, I wasn’t sure which adventure to choose. I’ve done lots of things that have terrified me to the point of ugly face crying, and almost calling it all off. In the past two years alone, I’ve moved completely out of my comfort zone in all senses of the words in every single area of my life.
Previous to that, I’ve gotten on stage and played music in front of near 20,000 people. I walked out on the guy I thought I was going to marry because I knew that I wasn’t being who I truly am, in that relationship. I’ve had tough conversations. Shot guns. Ridden motorcycles. Up and moved to another country without knowing anything about it. Driven a 34 foot RV across the country, twice, without ever having stepped foot in an RV previous to that. Hunted. I traveled alone in a van, with my dog, with just a map and no plan. I moved to the middle of Montana knowing only a few people there. I’ve gotten off major meds that a doctor mis-prescribed me with 10 years prior. I’ve visited the gravesite of my dad, after years of trying to forget. I decided to love someone who didn’t love me back. And on and on and on.
And although yes, these are all fearful adventures, I knew that choosing just one of them to write about wasn’t going to be the point.
I think that being in a state of a “fearful adventure” is not necessarily in the things we do or the adventures we choose, per se. But rather the fearful adventure is the decision to commit to the lifestyle. The decision to live a life in such a way that adventures (which are almost always riddled with fear and obstacles) can happen.
In thinking about this, I know that the most fearful adventure I’m on is the one I choose day after day to live my life in the way I want to. To not settle for less than best, most sparked, most fulfilling career and relationship, even in the face of struggle and fear and living in a society who tells me that I’m nothing if I don’t have a husband or kids by my age or have a “stable” job.
The fearful adventure I’m on is the CHOICE and commitment I have to make to myself over and over again to do things that are scary, despite the disapproval I get from others.
The decision, to ride my new motorcycle even when everyone around me tells me that I’m going to end up crippled or dead, or the choice to be who I am even when multiple guys (three THIS WEEK to be exact) tell me that I’m too intimidating to date. To choose a career that most people think is total bullshit and is the butt of jokes all over the place. To choose to continue to love even when my heart has been broken. To be vulnerable in the face of crumbling. To be honest at the risk of being “that girl” who is needy or weak.
These are the things that make up my fearful adventure. It isn’t one thing. One isolated event, but rather it’s in the choosing. Everyday. To be who I am, and not apologize for it. To live my life in the way I want, regardless of if anyone else agrees with me.
It’s travel. Adventure. Love. Courage. Fear. Softness. Wind in my hair. Miles under my belt. Failing. Flailing. Falling. Getting back up. Crying. Laughing. Seeing new things. And looking inside my heart and realizing that I love what I see.
And from this place…the next fearful adventure I’m embarking on is the Wildheart Revolution. I have a vision where amazing, dynamic, smart, interesting, soft, loving, edgy people rule the planet. Where being who we are is celebrated. Where honesty and vulnerability are emotions that we’re proud of displaying. Where there is a place where we can all go to learn skills for life that actually help us navigate these crazy waters.
That is the Wildheart Revolution. I don’t know exactly what it is or how it’s going to look, but I just know I’m the leader of it. This terrifies me to no end…but it’s the most exciting thing on my mind.
Yes. I’m afraid. Yes. It’s all an adventure. And yes…it’s how I choose to live. It’s my fearful adventure. We all have the choice. What’s yours gonna be?
P.s. If you enjoyed this post and you want to be a part of the Wildheart Revolution…make sure you sign up for my mailing list HERE.
This post is part of the My Fearful Adventure series, which is celebrating the launch of Torre DeRoche’s debut book Love with a Chance of Drowning, a true adventure story about one girl’s leap into the deep end of her fears.
“Wow, what a book. Exciting. Dramatic. Honest. Torre DeRoche is an author to follow.” Australian Associated Press
“… a story about conquering the fears that keep you from living your dreams.” Nomadicmatt.com
“In her debut, DeRoche has penned such a beautiful, thrilling story you’ll have to remind yourself it’s not fiction.” Courier Mail
Know what I say to all this? FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:) Love you.
Hoo boy! This is a great post. My favorite part is: “The fearful adventure I’m on is the CHOICE and commitment I have to make to myself over and over again to do things that are scary, despite the disapproval I get from others.”
For me, this statement is powerful and affirming. Bless your generous and courageous spirit.
Hey lady! Do tell more! What resonated with you about it?
Holy frijoles! Thank you for being so raw-fully-honest with us. Your strength, courage & conviction is contageous! Strange how you/we can be thought “intimidating” yet also weak or flighty or too idealistic or whatever other downer labels people love to try to rope us into when we talk of dreams, plans & adventures. I’m learning to laugh harder at these opinions. We are enigmas. Shape-shifters. Wildhearts living an uncaged life & making our own paths with machetes, bitches!
I’ve always felt like an inside outsider. What a stagnant, suffocating, scarier place to be than at the shoreline of my comfort zone, I’ve realized. I hear your voice saying, yelling over the crashing waves, really, FEEL THE FEAR & DO IT ANYWAY.
A few weeks ago I mentioned doubt meaning don’t while I sorted out some ideas in my brain. This is advice from dear Oprah that I have carried for a long time & because I tend to make decisions in haste, I thought this was a good rule for me. But you said doubt can mean DO. That gave me pause; I thought, I need to think on this. And, sure, I do believe that in some cases, Miss O is correct. Serious this may not be the right move doubts can mean don’t. But I now realize that sailing away from the shore, for me, will come with doubts. But its really insecurity disguised as doubt. And I don’t know much but I do know this FOR SURE: all the strength we need for any situation… come what May… already resides within.
I’ve seen this meme lately: If you’re dreams (goals, plans) don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough!
And how. What would Sally say? Feel the fear & do it anyway.
I also have some super exciting news I can’t wait to share with you… soon! ♥♥
Annnnd… it does start every.single.day. when my wildheart roars with the decision to be me. All of me, unfiltered, TODAY.
Amber!!!! I love your post!! I love this: Shape-shifters. Wildhearts living an uncaged life & making our own paths with machetes, bitches!
RIGHT?! I LOVE that too.
Girl you bring up such a great point about the irony in being both intimidating and weak and needy. Geez I never thought about it before. Kinda like damned if I do and damned if I don’t!
I also love the “inside outsider” idea. TOTALLY. That’s exactly it.
As for doubts…I think it’s important to explore them when they show up. Sometimes doubts are intuition that we shouldn’t do something. But I find that more often than not, doubts are a reflection of things we’re afraid of, but are also things that will really grow us. I remember the days before I left for my first RV trip I had TONS of doubts. I was so scared that I couldn’t sleep for two weeks. I thought it was likely that I’d die driving that thing. That was a doubt. Fears. But there was something deeper inside me that said “GO FOR IT!!!” And I’m so glad I listened to that voice instead. It changed my life forever.
Can’t wait to hear your exciting news!!
YES!! I am with Natalie!!! FUCK YEAH!!!
I loved this post so much that I got out my journal and pencil and re-read it.
My thoughts: First of all, you made me laugh when I read “ugly face crying” (and I love to laugh). The next paragraph was a legit display of your total bad-assery! I love that! Just think how many people you have effected along the way <3
I didn't know you were ever on medication, but it gave me the chills because I have seen that destroy lives (including someone very near and dear to me) and I have a passionate loathing for that sector of the medical industry.
I also felt chills and a loving connection when I read "gravesite of my Dad", as my Dad has one too );
I admire the way you live your life Sally! I love who you are.
When guys tell you that you are too intimidating to date (I have had this happen a few times myself.. and I'm like, no.. really.. I'm loving and down-to-earth and can be vulnerable and I'm so loyal).. tell them to stap a pair on or call you after their balls have dropped! I can't believe I just wrote that, but we both know that those guys are really meaning it as a compliment and they are also trying to protect their hearts from a girl who get any guy in the room. My guess.
BUT, the career part. Whoever thinks it's bullshit..grrrr.. what are they doing to truly make a positive difference in so many other people's lives? But, whatever, we all know that what you are doing is AMAZING! :)
Just sharing some thoughts and feelings. I'm SO happy to be a part of your Wildheart Revolution!!! You ROCK! <3 <3 <3
and P.S.- I loved this paragraph!! : It’s travel. Adventure. Love. Courage. Fear. Softness. Wind in my hair. Miles under my belt. Failing. Flailing. Falling. Getting back up. Crying. Laughing. Seeing new things. And looking inside my heart and realizing that I love what I see.
Your whole post made me giggle! Such a stream of consciousness, connection, understanding and a lot of “girl…I’ve been there too.” Thank you for your encourage and your support and love and know that you are a HUGE part of the point at which I became this person instead of the iterations I was before. Thank you for that. And for being so. And for so courageously showing up as your true and beautiful self every day. XOXO
THIS – YOU – AMAZING!!!!! You rule my planet ;)
Love YOU lady!
I think I mentioned this kind of thing once before in a post of yours, Sally.
I won’t copy it word for word, but needless to say, doing what you want to do, regardless of what anyone else thinks, says, or does is the best kind of courage. If Bert Lahr got a medal for courage from the Wizard, then this kind of courage should rate two.
In my case, making the choice to be a Marine, then to work in wrestling, and not just be a wrestler, but find my own way in a promotion, and learning how TO and how NOT to do things, and screwing things up along the way and making major mistakes and doing things the wrong way and learning as you go, because the path you take is not just the one less travelled, but the one you blazed.
I thought you were pretty awesome when I first saw you opening for Tesla (Will you autograph my P&P CD???), and then when I learned later what you were doing, I thought it was even more cool. As one who is surrounded by people with large egos and who thrive for the “roar of the crowd” just one more time, it’s so refreshing to see someone who CAN go and step away from the addiction of a crowd (and if you’ve ever experienced it, people, you know how it CAN be an addiction) and do something unique, not just being a life coach, but making some decisions that would seem radical to others.
What you and all the “Wildhearts” do can simply be described in a track from the REO Speedwagon album, “You Can Tune a Piano, but You Can’t Tuna Fish”. You know what song I’m talking about, Rock Star. Tell me what it is.
Can’t wait to meet you again, Rock Star.
Hey you…thank you so much for chiming in. You always have so much to add to the conversation. I always love your point of view of “I gotta do what I gotta do” even if it’s not the most popular option. Great things are created by people who don’t always follow popular opinion. :)
I’m so glad to have you as part of the Wildheart crew. And yes…REO speedwagon knows what up. We’re All Blazing our own trails again.
“Sooner or later you will find a way
To feel like sunshine even on a cloudy day
To feel like morning in the dead of night
Sooner or later it’s gonna be all right.
Now don’t go thinking your life’s a mess
Rather start thinkin’ in terms of happiness
And it’s gonna happen
Just decide were you’re goin’
Get out in the open
And start blazin’ your own trail again
It takes time sometimes to figure out
That there’s nothing to worry about
And that there’s plenty to be thankful for
It takes time sometimes to know the score
See everybody’s got a smile inside
So put it upon your face and wear it with pride
And it’s gonna happen
Just decide were you’re goin’
Get out in the open
And start blazin’ your own trail again”
That’s the song! I knew I could count on you, Rock Star!
By the way, I’m serious about you signing my P&P CD! You know how much I adore you, Rock Star!
You go girl!
One of the things I fear most is disappointing people. It’s keeping me in a volunteer position that no longer fuels my passion. It just feels like drudgery. That makes me feel sad and guilty. I am still inspired by this charity, but life takes so many turns and is full of adventures and hardships that I feel I no longer want to devote any time to the great work this foundation does. Yet, I am feeling too weak to get out because I don’t want to disappoint the other board members who have become my friends. Then again, friend may be too strong of a word. It’s not like we hang out just for fun. I only see them when it is Foundation business. I also have a little voice telling me “don’t let your illness be an excuse to quit”. It’s hard for me to know if it even has anything to do with my rheumatic disease. Everything – including caring for your health – takes time and there is just not enough time to please everyone and feed my soul.
Thanks for letting me talk this out.
Hey lady…thank you so much for sharing. I think the fear of disappointing others or “what will they think” keeps us from a lot of what we really want in our lives. But it’s crazy because what people think and the fears of disappointing them are all made up stories. They haven’t even actually happened, but rather they’re a projected story of what might happen. I think it’s important to remember that this is YOUR life, and all you gotta do really is live it in a way that aligns with your bigger values. You can do it!! :)
I’ve been wondering – did they tell you more about WHY you are intimidating? I’ve been wanting to write more but busy packing – and I have a lot of thoughts about this, being a powerful, sexy, badass woman surrounded by powerful, sexy, badass women… what exactly is intimidating about you to them? and what does that say about them & what they want? So curious about your experience… xoxo
Yeah it’s a good question. The one who spawned the first email was saying it’s intimidating because I know what I want, I’m strong, I have my own business, and pretty much do what I want. He said that it didn’t seem like it left much room for someone else to fit into that lifestyle. Kind of like “if you don’t like what I’m up to then BYE!”
But what I think it comes down to is the people I know who have said it to my face seem to be unhappy with their own lives and situations and feel a bit victim to their situation. And that me, living my life the way I want and with freedom and joy, someone brings their own life and situation to the forefront and they don’t like what they see. Either that or they seem to be a bit insecure.
Either way, I want to get curious next time. Because sometimes, in the moment, I get upset, or defensive. What’s been your experience?
This was fucking beautiful and inspiring. As ee cummings said: “To be nobody but yourself in a world that’s doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.”
The irony and tragedy of not being ourselves is that we attract people with our masks and so they fall in love with the masks – not us. And this reinforces the fear of taking the masks off because that would mean losing love.
And, like narcissus, we fall in love with our reputation and reflections in the world, and it’s scary as fuck to lose those.
But as Rumi said, “Destroy your reputation. Be notorious”
Loved this post and your honest vulnerable sharing about your process in this.
Every. Single. Line. Of your comment was exactly right on. People always tell us to “be ourselves.” This is not a new message. But I think what I realized is that most of the time we don’t know ourselves, but rather only our masks (as you say). Or our projections of who we think we are based on the reactions of others in our lives.
When I left the music industry I distinctly remember thinking “who AM I if I’m not Sally Hope, the bass player from Poets?” and “what am I going to tell people?” I didn’t think I was interesting unless I had something that I did that was extraordinary.
And we go on and on like this until, hopefully, something comes along that nudges us to make a shift. Thank gosh darnit I got a nudge. I’m guessing you did too?
Thank you for reading. Honestly.
Yes, YEs and YES!
To the men that say you’re too intimidating to date- they’re clearly not the type for you. But their is someone out there for you.
Yes to following your heart and your career…
I can relate to so many things! Thanks for sharing!
Wow, this post is incredible Sally and just what I needed after a week of feeling like a failure and questioning some decisions in my life to pursue passions and try new things. Love LOVE LOVE this. Thank you for sharing and writing this :)