May 22nd, 2013
I decided to take my friend Srini up on a challenge. He’s helping promote a book called “Love With a Chance of Drowning” a memoir by Torre DeRoche. Which is a book about embarking on an adventure and overcoming tons of fears (both obvious and more subtle) in order to do so.
And since all these things are my favorite topics (love, adventure, overcoming obstacles, self-reflection) I decided to chime in with an account of my own fearful adventure.
At first, I wasn’t sure which adventure to choose. I’ve done lots of things that have terrified me to the point of ugly face crying, and almost calling it all off. In the past two years alone, I’ve moved completely out of my comfort zone in all senses of the words in every single area of my life.
Previous to that, I’ve gotten on stage and played music in front of near 20,000 people. I walked out on the guy I thought I was going to marry because I knew that I wasn’t being who I truly am, in that relationship. I’ve had tough conversations. Shot guns. Ridden motorcycles. Up and moved to another country without knowing anything about it. Driven a 34 foot RV across the country, twice, without ever having stepped foot in an RV previous to that. Hunted. I traveled alone in a van, with my dog, with just a map and no plan. I moved to the middle of Montana knowing only a few people there. I’ve gotten off major meds that a doctor mis-prescribed me with 10 years prior. I’ve visited the gravesite of my dad, after years of trying to forget. I decided to love someone who didn’t love me back. And on and on and on.
And although yes, these are all fearful adventures, I knew that choosing just one of them to write about wasn’t going to be the point.
I think that being in a state of a “fearful adventure” is not necessarily in the things we do or the adventures we choose, per se. But rather the fearful adventure is the decision to commit to the lifestyle. The decision to live a life in such a way that adventures (which are almost always riddled with fear and obstacles) can happen.
In thinking about this, I know that the most fearful adventure I’m on is the one I choose day after day to live my life in the way I want to. To not settle for less than best, most sparked, most fulfilling career and relationship, even in the face of struggle and fear and living in a society who tells me that I’m nothing if I don’t have a husband or kids by my age or have a “stable” job.
The fearful adventure I’m on is the CHOICE and commitment I have to make to myself over and over again to do things that are scary, despite the disapproval I get from others.
The decision, to ride my new motorcycle even when everyone around me tells me that I’m going to end up crippled or dead, or the choice to be who I am even when multiple guys (three THIS WEEK to be exact) tell me that I’m too intimidating to date. To choose a career that most people think is total bullshit and is the butt of jokes all over the place. To choose to continue to love even when my heart has been broken. To be vulnerable in the face of crumbling. To be honest at the risk of being “that girl” who is needy or weak.
These are the things that make up my fearful adventure. It isn’t one thing. One isolated event, but rather it’s in the choosing. Everyday. To be who I am, and not apologize for it. To live my life in the way I want, regardless of if anyone else agrees with me.
It’s travel. Adventure. Love. Courage. Fear. Softness. Wind in my hair. Miles under my belt. Failing. Flailing. Falling. Getting back up. Crying. Laughing. Seeing new things. And looking inside my heart and realizing that I love what I see.
And from this place…the next fearful adventure I’m embarking on is the Wildheart Revolution. I have a vision where amazing, dynamic, smart, interesting, soft, loving, edgy people rule the planet. Where being who we are is celebrated. Where honesty and vulnerability are emotions that we’re proud of displaying. Where there is a place where we can all go to learn skills for life that actually help us navigate these crazy waters.
That is the Wildheart Revolution. I don’t know exactly what it is or how it’s going to look, but I just know I’m the leader of it. This terrifies me to no end…but it’s the most exciting thing on my mind.
Yes. I’m afraid. Yes. It’s all an adventure. And yes…it’s how I choose to live. It’s my fearful adventure. We all have the choice. What’s yours gonna be?
P.s. If you enjoyed this post and you want to be a part of the Wildheart Revolution…make sure you sign up for my mailing list HERE.
This post is part of the My Fearful Adventure series, which is celebrating the launch of Torre DeRoche’s debut book Love with a Chance of Drowning, a true adventure story about one girl’s leap into the deep end of her fears.
“Wow, what a book. Exciting. Dramatic. Honest. Torre DeRoche is an author to follow.” Australian Associated Press
“… a story about conquering the fears that keep you from living your dreams.” Nomadicmatt.com
“In her debut, DeRoche has penned such a beautiful, thrilling story you’ll have to remind yourself it’s not fiction.” Courier Mail